Monthly Archives: April 2012

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 4/24/2012

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Rawdog’s computer

Today started off with a little bit of “Can You Feel Me Dog Center” because Ellis was about 15 minutes late to the show, and Rawdog’s computer is freaking so there was almost no “New Music Tuesday” for you – which I know some of you would be totally bummed about. But low and behold, he used Ellis’ computer and New Music Tuesday went ahead as scheduled. Rawdog however prepared a game to play, as long as they have a printer, but the printer is also throwing an error. Rawdog is literally losing his shit over his computer not working, which I can kind of understand. He does have another date tonight though! You have to love the Swinghouse Studios, what a shithole. Tully grew a massive set of tits today, he took sole control of his kid this morning at 7AM, did dishes, laundry, went grocery shopping, made lunches, and then took off his apron and bra to let the girls breathe. He actually called it being “Super Dad”, but I like to think of it as “I’m The Woman In This Relationship”.

There might be a new, massive fight at Ellismania 8, but it’s not confirmed yet and if the past date changes are any indication, this massive fight may or may not happen so Ellis isn’t mentioning anything more about it right now. Robby Gordon and Everlast called into to the show today, the more import conversation of the two is that Everlast is campaigning for Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, Great Strides National Walk Event. As you may know, his daughter was born with cystic fibrosis – hence the song “Sixty-Five Roses”. Next were people calling in for a “Get The Cock Off Your Chest” segment, for anonymity sakes we’ll give all the callers the name “Toshua Michmond”, and now here are the calls:

A Rawdog love story

  • Caller was getting ready to bang this hot chick but couldn’t get hard because he couldn’t stop thinking about his girlfriend and didn’t want to hurt her. He ended up quitting his job because he didn’t want to deal with the whole issue, and right there is where Ellis pounced on him and made him admit that he didn’t quit only because of this hot chick and their sexual tension.
  • Caller had called the cops on his crazy neighbor who would go out in the middle of the street and start yelling obscenities. The police came, crazy neighbor guy dropped on the street like he was making fucking snow angels, had a heart attack and died. He feels like he killed his neighbor and obviously the neighbor’s family is / was very upset.
  • Caller got a divorce from his wife and started to have an affair with this other married chick who was going through marriage counseling, she ended up getting a divorce but he’s not sure he’s totally into her. He feels like he might have helped in her decision to get a divorce.

  • A Cinemax story

    Caller went to a concert with his wife and their friends, went back to the friends’ house and got all wasted. Caller leaves and goes home to go to bed. He wakes up to what he thought was his wife on top of him giving him a blowjob, gets inside of her and dropped an internal load. She gets up and leaves and he hears his mother-in-law say “thank you for fucking me” (or something like that) – so yeah – he fucked his mother-in-law, and came inside the same hole that his wife came out of. Fucking gangster as fuck.

  • Is your husband cheating?

    Caller who is married says his wife has put on weight and he wants to tell her she’s fat and disgusting, but he doesn’t want to hurt her. He says they have really crazy sex, she treats him really good, and he doesn’t want to be with her just for the sex, so he feels guilty. The answer? Television is telling his wife that she is a big fat pig.

  • Caller says he came in his shirt a bunch of times and his mom had to hand wash it, which is pretty much nothing when compared to the other guy who came in his mother-in-law.

  • AOL chatrooms

    Caller used to go into AOL chatrooms where he met this chick. Caller met up with this chicks guy friend to make sure he wasn’t a whack job or something. The guy comes over, seduces him and asks if he had anything sweet to put on his dick. Caller busts out grape jelly and the other guy puts it on caller’s pecker as well as lathered up his ass with jelly too and then started blowing him, and ate the jelly out of his asshole. He never did meet the chick, and there probably never was a chick in the first place.

  • Caller said his friend is in the Navy and was on the same boat that dumped Bin Laden’s body overboard. Caller started sleeping with his friend’s girlfriend, his sister, and his mom. The brother of the guy in the Navy caught him on several different occasions. He also said the mother and sister used to babysit him when he was younger. I’m not sure how much I believe this one, I mean banging the guys girlfriend, sister, and mother? That’s a super rare trifecta.
  • Caller said he preferred to fantasize about his girlfriend getting fucked by his buddies so he can bust a nut. It’s also possible that one or more of his friends might have banged out his stripper / whore girlfriend. The caller claims that he just thinks of her being a dirty whore, but won’t admit what he’s envisioning – such as exactly what he’s looking at in his fantasy, which means he’s imagining cock sliding in and out. He may just have some sort of complex or something else, but finally admitted during one fantasy his friend had a bigger cock than he did – which seems to confirm what he’s probably envisioning the most

There were 2 or 3 other calls at the end that I don’t really remember, so they must not have been too entertaining – I think one had something to do with a guy, a whore, she kept leaving him and coming back and she was pregnant and it wasn’t his kid. In preparation for tonight’s date, Toshua (I mean Joshua) went and got his shitty car washed, being Jewish (I mean thrifty), he got the middle priced wash. By the way, did you ever hear about the brother you never had? No? I’ll tell you. Your mom successfully gave birth after several hours of labor. The doctor took the baby and left the room to perform some tests. Several minutes later, the doctor returned with the baby in his arms and then suddenly began to punch it, kick it, throw it about the room and slam it against an adjacent wall. Your mom screamed, “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!” To which the doctor replied, “April Fool’s! It was already dead!” OH!

And that’s when your mom started hooking

Show Re-cap For Monday 4/23/2012

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Hellos to people read these bolg, today I likes you and tell of you fans strong of fight and don’t even take a shit if you don’t have to! I tell everyone do not take shits for anyone, only give shits, and see futures in balls. Talking was done over fans, listeners, New York, Chicago, Steve Astephen, fuckings, and monies. Oh noez, I sucks and are a pieces of shits. Okay, okay, I’ll stop talking fucktarded. It’s only funny for a little bit. For everyone whose read “I’m Awesome” all the way through, soon you won’t have to worry about spoiling anything for people by talking about the book, because bits and pieces from the book keep getting talked about on the show. Knowing that, you should probably hurry up and finish reading the book if you haven’t yet.

Ellis and Tully got a ride home from the po-po from Max’s Bar in Chicago, and they even got to go check on a domestic disturbance call. Ellis made out with some hot chick while his face was painted up with death mask makeup, and then Rawdog tried to get a smooch in on the chick too, but sounds like she snuffed him on the lip kiss and presented him with her cheek instead. Rawdog also tried to get all rock and roll on his keyboard and smash it, but the little fella wasn’t doing a very good job at it so Ellis took over and destroyed it for him. The guys met Danny’s mom at one of the book signings in Chicago, and according to Ellis his mom is hot as shit. HotMommyOD5 apparently told Dan’s daddy that Ellis is pretty good looking too – so yeah – this shit could get really fucking weird like really fucking quick.

Rawdog went to pick up his car this morning, everything was as it he had left it, movie props and weed were still there – so let’s just assume nobody but Rawdog and the tow truck driver had stepped foot in his shitbox on wheels. He still likes to share the blame with the local police department, because you know, it sucks having to own up to having a moment of tardness all by yourself. Along with Dingo, Cumtard and Skin stopped by the show today to bullshit and play a little bit of shock trivia and Skin used an annoying fake British (or Scottish) accent. As usual, Cumtard probably got the worst of the treatment – but he likes taking shots for the team so I don’t think he minds too much. It’s weird, because just as Cumtard takes shots for the team, your mom takes shots of man load from hordes of nasty men on a daily basis – for free. OH!

Your mom won an iron

Show Re-cap For Friday 4/20/2012

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Great googly moogly! It’s Friday, it’s 4/20 duuuuuuude, and it’s also the last day of TJES in NYC. Some of you lucky shitbirds are going to get to go see Death! Death! Die! tonight, so who’s dressing up in black and painting their face with death makeup? More weirdo Josh moments were discussed, like how he walks through revolving doors wrong, turnstiles wrong, and just his general awkwardness. Gobbledorf is now an official employee of Sirius XM and now gets to be paid for doing radio! Congratulations to ManBoy for kicking a goal, he deserves it and apparently he’s embracing it to the point of almost sucking off everyone at Sirius XM. DDD was in studio today, they took a few requests and then that massive slut Rachel started singing. The entire first hour of the show was the guys jamming out in the studio, so not a whole lot to say about it other than the vocals were too low. Got that Shoebox? TOO FUCKING LOW!

And guess what else? That’s all folks! It’s Friday and I don’t feel like doing anymore writing so I’m cutting it off here. Oh, what? You’re disappointed? You think I’m slacking? You wanna tell me I suck? Well check this out.

This is you falling on your face

This is what you need to do

And this is your mom’s dump truck ass, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 4/19/2012

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Dear Diary,
It is day 4 of TJES in NYC and on an unrelated note, I really like using acronyms. Rawdog’s car has been recovered, it was on the Coachella lot – he fucking misplaced his own car! He looked for it like 4 or 5 different times, even with a cop on a golf cart and he just never found it? And there’s pot in car, the car that the police found – but he has a medical marijuana card so Mr. X should be good to go. Sweet fucking Lord of the Flies. I have to believe that this story of Rawdog misplacing his car is now a joke email being forwarded to precincts all across the country. Diary, Rawdog is soooo cute. I wonder if he likes me. Because I like him.

Frank DeCaro stopped by the show today, he has such a huge crush on Ellis. I can only imagine what is written in Frank’s diary, you just know it’s gotta contain explicit material. @notchhillbilly pointed out that DeCaro and Pendarvis both have very similar laughs, only one is slightly gayer – which I thought was a very keen observation. There was an entire assload (get it?) of conversation about Ellis’ dick, gays, lesbians, and red public hair. Diary, I’m so confused. When will I get red pubes?

@Daniela555 was in the studio today to do makeup and hair for Ellis and Rawdog, they’re getting all dolled up like death metal dudes for the Death! Death! Die! show tomorrow night. I’m assuming Rawdog is staring directly at her tits the entire time she’s doing his makeup. Some chick called in because she got rushed during a book signing where Ellis misspelled her name, got it squared away and then got rushed along before she could get a picture. Bummer deal for her ass. Some dude called in to bitch about insurance and how it doesn’t cover Cialis and some shots for syphilis? Bummer deal for his ass. Another dude called into to say he’s also been stuck in the prize chamber, which is weird because apparently there’s like 10 of us stuck in there and only room for 3. Bummer deal for our asses. Diary, when will I get some food, see daylight, and get these two dudes off my lap? It makes me feel uncomfortable. I think someone touched me in my secret place. But I’m not sure.

I got my copy of Ellis’ book today, sadly, it wasn’t signed nor did it have the golden ticket. But it’s all good, because some of you chumps ain’t even got a book yet! Diary, two things. Number one, fuck Jay Thomas. Number two, I have some really important information and I’m not sure if I should tell anyone. I think they might already know, but I’m afraid that if I tell them and they don’t know, it will make them cry. But since I’m a real friend, I feel like I should tell them, so here it goes. Hey all you out there, I went to your house, rang your doorbell and asked your mom if you could come out and play. She let me in your house and started rubbing me. I don’t think you were home because she started moaning and nobody ever showed up. Anyway, ever since then we’ve been hooking up once a week and now when me or any other people come over, they bring her ice cream (see below) before she starts going to town, munching on our cocks. And that is how she came to be a fat whore. OH!