Tag Archives: Rawdog

Show Re-cap For Monday 8/27/2012

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Well let’s food it up!

Okay, it’s Monday, and the bus just pulled up to take us all to Awesome World. I know after this weekend some of you have issues with buses now, but I assure you, this bus ride is much safer – and way less sexy. So hop your Puritan ass aboard and let’s get this mutha rolling, shall we? So today starts the breakfast of champions challenge that originally started out as a bet between Ellis and Rawdog, but has grown to now include Tully – who is upping the game by eating a portion of what both Ellis and Rawdog are eating. Just in case all of this is news to you, let’s review. Ellis made a menu of 3 meals for Rawdog to eat, Rawdog made a menu of 3 meals for Ellis to eat, and Tully will be eating his choice from both menus. Breakfast today started with Ellis having a McGriddle, Rawdog having oatmeal with dried berries, and Tully had a sausage, egg, & cheese McMuffin and oatmeal. For lunch, Rawdog had a green drink and an acai bowl, Ellis had a Baconator® (yea I put the registered mark there – problem?), fries, and a drink from Wendy’s, and Tully had a chicken sandwich combo meal from Burger King. Dinner for Ellis will be KFC’s chunky chicken pot pie combo that comes with mashed potatoes & gravy, a biscuit, and a drink, dinner for Rawdog will be fish & a kale salad, and I think Tully is having a burger for dinner.

What? Did you think they ate souls?

Trampolines turn kids into crack addicted cats on catnip, or something very similar to that anyway. Rawdog and his girlfriend went to the crumping district in San Diego and stayed at one of her friends’ place. At nighty-night time, they started making out and doing some hand puppetry on each other – and then abruptly stopped just before Rawdog was able to release the Kraken. Ellis ran into some celebrity over the weekend, but Tully’s story takes honors when he ran into Glenn Danzig shopping at the same Japanese grocery store he was at. He tried to be sly about the whole ordeal so as not to be “that guy”, after awhile of following, the hunter became the hunted as roles reversed and Danzig started following Tully. Like a true champ, he stood his ground and eventually got a picture of Danzig and his girlfriend stocking up on wassabi or some shit. It’s gotta be weird running into Danzig as you and he are both out running normal, everyday errands.

The originator of the “No you are” defense?

Lucky girls @FaceplantLauren and @Shanwize1 were guests on the show today and Shantanee made the courageous choice to tell us she likes Fiver Finger Death Punch. As bad as that may sound to some of you, just remember that Rawdog likes Reverse Milk Magnet – therefore one could pretty much like anything and be in the clear. It sounds like there’s going to be a “round 2” fight between the girls at the next Ellismania, this time it may be the “Humongous Drunk Bitch Fight” as it was revealed today that Shantanee and her corner man were both drunk during the fight – now that’s a party! Vince Neil went some place and then got mad at some body and he yelled and stuff. Pee Wee Herman is 60 today, which is crazy when I think about him jerking off and using his signature voice to dirty talk. Some “band” (read: Tia, Jay, Mike, & Tom) did a cover of Death! Death! Die! – Put Your Balls On It, @CobraTits tweeted the link but I accidentally got credit for the tweet by mistake. Now that the record is straight on that, I had to set the record straight on one more thing… When your mom came to me and asked me to call a repairman because the dishwasher was broken, I told her I didn’t need to call anyone and I abruptly punched her in de face. Dishwasher has worked ever since. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 8/24/2012

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On this 24th day of August in the year of our Lord John Connor & The Resistance 2012, we celebrate it being a Friday by aggressively not giving a fuck. Amen, brothers and sisters. So big surprise for you sisters, you have balls – no dick, just balls. And that’s okay, but us brothers have dicks to go with them balls, we talk to our dicks, our dicks are cool – just sayin. Housewives need a good pounding, and I couldn’t agree more – I’ve done my fair share of pounding my own wife, right in her twat – and it was sweet. Some bitter dude on Twitter said Ellis sounds like a wanna-be Stern and is a hack, but that turd eater don’t know shit from shinola so, yeah! There’s another you inside you, deep inside you – and it likes to start off slow but quickly gains a faster and faster rhythm until you climaxes.

Ellis and Rawdog are going to see who can last longer in a hot or a cold environment, once again, the bet is Ellis has to eat 3 Rawdog meals and Rawdog has to eat 3 Ellis meals, and Tully’s just gonna eat it all because he’s in-fucking-sane like that. Lance Armstrong, not to be confused with Stretch Armstrong, has been stripped of all of his titles amidst the steroid use controversy. He has been banned for life from the sport as well, which who gives a shit really because I thought he was done anyway. Some caller chimed in to correct this whole situation by stating it was only the US anti-doping agencies are the ones burning Lance at the stake, not the International Cycle Union – which again, who gives a shit. Ken Shamrock tried to break up a chick fight when some massive hose beast jumped on his back and he put her ass on the floor, he thought it was a man. That’s an ugly bitch. Yea, I said it! So what? Suck on my inner me’s dick, man!

One of the hot porn chicks that was part of the super slow-mo shoot Ellis and Rawdog did over the previous weekend came in on the show today. She drinks, smokes weed, sticks things in her vagina, you know – porn star shit. Speaking of porn, Brazzers contacted Ellis yesterday but nobody knows what for yet, they said they’re fans of the show. But I suspect Brazzers might have other business adventures in mind, you hear me Rawdog? You wanna be a star? This could be your big break into the porn industry! There was some Canadian power couples talk on the show today, and I completely zoned out for most of that segment. That is until hordes of Canadians got all butt hurt and called into the show to voice their objections, kill humor, and completely ignore the joke that flew over their heads, dropped bombs, circled back around, dropped more bombs, and then dropped pamphlets to explain the joke. Okay, okay, okay, I was exaggerating about the “hordes” part, it was probably only like a handful or so, but still – holy shitballs!

Can someone please tell me why it’s only Faction 41 that goes out on the app or online player? Seriously, every fucking time the feed goes silent, I switch to any other channel and it plays instantly – go back to 41 and still no fucking feed. Why is it only that channel? This is ridiculous and someone needs to get down to the bottom of this! WILL! Fuck! Okay, I’m done complaining for now. But watch the fuck out channel 41, I’m on to your antics. Some computer tech dude called in on his Bluetooth ear piece, looking like a doof I’m certain. He wants to move in with Ellis, because two straight dudes at 40 years of age living together is pretty much normal. Which reminds me, shortly after, I ran into that same caller and your mom! They came into the same diner I was at, sat down at the counter next to me, and your mom ordered a bowl of chili. The waitress told her that I had just ordered the last bowl, so your mom looks over to see my bowl of chili untouched. She asked me if I was going to eat it. I told her no, so she took the bowl and just starts chowing. About halfway through the bowl, she looks down and sees half of a dead rat. She immediately vomits back into the bowl. I told her, “yea, I made it about that far too.” OH!