The story begins with our hero Skeet McRib, a Lebowski-esque hulk of a man, sitting and watching music videos with a bowl of cereal. His wild jew-fro, tattoos and painted fingernails suggest he has a secret. The secret is soon revealed that he is a lethal assassin who employs a group of ninjas to attempt to kick his ass every morning. To keep his skills sharp. He oozes manliness that seems to act as a pheromone for asian women.
Elsewhere, A bearded trillionaire jogs on a treadmill on his yacht. Seemingly an innocent exercise in good health at first, we then learn that this treadmill has a much more sinister purpose: to power and Malmorphanize his yacht into the evil Big Fucking Mega Boat.
Skeet McRib continues about his day, getting into his car pausing only to look at a picture of his best friend and lover, who we assume is passed because of the powerful emotion that comes over the face of this stone of a man. The audience’s heart sinks and you want to just reach out and punch him square in the dick. This powerful on screen moment is quickly interrupted by a malevolent looking bunny who jumps onto screen. You can see it in Skeet’s eyes that he has seen this bunny before. Skeet slams the accelerator and an epic car chase ensues that ends abruptly when Skeet outwits the bunny rabbit and bails out of his Porsche and lets it burst into flames as the rabbit follows and crashes his monster truck.
We cut to a priest, Radley Mancakes, standing in front of a church. There is regret in his eyes, as well as retribution. Skeet approaches and asks for Mancakes’ help. Skeet explains he is terrified of rabbits, and needs Radley’s help. Radley pulls out his big fucking mega gun and vows to help his dear friend, and we learn the dark past of the Mancake. However, Radley hears Skeet wrong and instead of hunting rabbits starts to hunt moose.
We cut to President Queefer Sutherland addressing the nation in a staunch and confident tone about the incoming threat of Big Fucking Mega Boat and assure the citizens that they have built their own Big Fucking Mega Boat and will deal with the problem…..His plan doesn’t work and the government’s boat was just not big or fucking enough to deal with the Big Fucking Mega Boat.
JägerBeard the pirate is lying washed up on a hollow sounding shore covered in vegetables. He looks like the kind of pirate that likes the taste of his own semen. Skeet approaches and Jäger Beard explains vegetables are his biggest fear.
Skeet has a flashback that reveals his lover to be Chad Kroeger. This is where the movie get out of hand in my opinion because the actor chosen to play Chad Kroeger is much too badass and manly to be Chad Kroeger. They say the devil is in the details, but Skeet and Chad share a passionate kiss and vow their love for one another right before Chad is mauled by a bunny rabbit. The movie pulled me back in here because I could totally see Kroeger getting killed by a bunny rabbit, along with his best friend Josh Koscheck.
The pieces fall together for Skeet a he realizes the BFMB uses your darkest fear against you. JägerBeard and Skeet decide to team up against the mega boat.
A fucking Moose, mate.
JägerBeard and Skeet speed through the water on high powered water machines, racing towards the BFMB. The BFMB senses the danger and fires vegetables and bunnies at the incoming threat, killing JägerBeard.
With his lame friend (who obviously didn’t care about helping the team out dead in the water) dead in the water Skeet boards the BFMB and infiltrates it’s lower levels. Skeet comes upon the sinister man from the beginning of the movie who reveals himself to be THE Pierce Johnson. Pierce and Skeet have a brief martial arts battle where the two come to a draw, knowing each other to be equals. Pierce reveals that he is not in fact the mastermind of the BFMB and the boat has a mind of its own.
Skeet emerges on the deck of the boat and seems victorious for some reason until he notices a small, but supple young breast in the waters. A big fucking tit rabbit emerges from the water and Skeet is forced to battle his biggest fear(message!). Skeet stabs the tit rabbit in the vagina and eats/tongue fucks the wound and thrusts his sword at the rabbit.
Dead Tit Rabbit. Chad Kroeger and JägerBeard are seen in the sky congratulating Skeet and letting him know it will be ok. JägerBeard sucks off Chad Kroeger with a feverish enthusiasm. Kroeger’s taken care of baby.
A fucking Moose mate. Cookie bomb. Moose.
That may have been longer than the script. Thanks for the laughs guys, hope I give you one or two.
Fuck your mother,
Branden (@CrackerStacker6)