Tag Archives: JizzCult

Show Re-cap For Monday 1/7/2013

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You were ready to get a boner for the show, then we had Sirius XM Fail 2013

You were ready to get a boner for the show, then we had Sirius XM Fail 2013

Fucking Monday, oh how we all hate thee – you suck shit, Monday. Sincerely, the World. Guess what else sucks shit? If you said the Sirius XM Online player, you would be correct! Neither the new player or the basic player worked today, so unless you were in a vehicle, have a portable player, or can get on ellismania.com – you didn’t get to hear the show. Fucking shit ass, ass shits. Ellis confirmed that there are going to be no replays, at least any time soon. You can send him hate mail if you like, but it’s not going to change anything. However, he might get on the Rawdog Comedy channel for 1 hour by himself before the show to fill the gap. Tully came bearing incredibly late Christmas gifts today! For Ellis, a beanie he had made from the ass skin of babies, which of course is the softest material known to mankind. Ellis is thinking about growing a long-ass ZZ Top beard and increasing the roids. I think… I don’t know, I missed it because of this bitch ass, ass bitch online player. Rawdog sculpted his guns at the gym today, showed off his weird black hair triceps, and possibly may not be wearing underwear. Ellis went to watch some moto this weekend, said hi to some fans, stayed away from Carey, the chick married to that dude Pink because apparently some of his/her friends don’t like Ellis.

When suggesting anal to your significant other, do you use the Lou Reed technique?

When suggesting anal to your significant other, do you use the Lou Reed technique?

We got some Loutallica from Lou himself reading from some coffee table book of porn shit, which sounded a lot like my reading of erotic fiction during final calls, except with way more anal topics. I suppose that would make it Analtallica. Slaughter houses are killing live animals at a rate of 1 animal every 5 seconds or so, for 8 hours a day. So if a cow and a butcher both left Chicago on a train bound for New York, what time would they both get there if the train conductor was slaughtered? Would you be willing to spend more money on grass fed beef? I don’t know what that has to do with the price of fruit in Puerto Rico since they’ll still be slaughtered and eaten, but there’s an argument for somebody in there. Lance Armstrong may be contemplating his admission of using steroids, and I can’t think of anyone who really cares anymore. NFL quiz time with Tully, and renowned sports fanatic and Native American, Rawdog, lead off with an accidentally correct answer. Ellis and Rawdog traded mostly wrong answers back and forth until everyone just stopped keeping track of who had the most correct answers, the fans were declared the real winner’s here. Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, Rawdog and his sister both had worms when they were younger and had to take pills to shit out a pile of putrid shit snakes. Yucky. He just remembers his butthole itching and feeling something wriggling around tickling his balloon knot and then had to take medicine. How they both got worms is a doggy butthole licking mystery for the ages.

Prehistoric dinosaur fucking is okay, but a movie about Liberace? No way, man!

Prehistoric dinosaur fucking is okay, but a movie about Liberace? No way, man!

Hollywood news, and this time it’s not about JizzCult, it was about pictures of Justin Bieber allegedly smoking that sticky icky (ooh, ooh!) with some Smurfed out rapper named Lil Twist. Tully, best known for stalking Danzig, is now stalking Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Once again, he saw their nanny and them some place and is now just working up the courage to say “wassup” to his latest victims friends. Al Roker admitted he straight up sharted his pants while visiting the White House and had to go commando for the rest of the visit. Somebody broke up with somebody, I couldn’t pay attention because the only thing running through my brain was Al Roker shitting his Fruit of the Looms. George Clinton from P-Funk had to fork over the rights to a few of his songs because he owes the man. Matt Damon, Michael Douglas, and Steven Soderbergh had to shop their “gayer than Brokeback Mountain” movie about Liberace to HBO because they were the only people who would carry it. Josh Brolin got bro-rested for being piss drunk in bro-lic and Buzz Aldrin is getting divorced from The Joker and she gets half his shit just like that moon whore planned from the get go. Michael J. Fox is shaking (get it?!) things up with a new show about a newscaster with Parkinson’s – isn’t it funny how life imitates art?

Joanna Angel stopped by the show to do another round of sexy impressions with Rawdog. Instead of Santa and Mel Gibson, this time it was Kim Kardashian (Rawdog) and Lil Jon (Joanna) gettin’ freaky deaky on the dance floor. Final calls time, and once again, we all get to breathe a sigh of relief that we’re not as stupid as the dude that called thinking he was talking to Cumtard and warning everyone about McDonald’s. Another caller tried to pitch him some softballs to make him look less dumb, but he just wasn’t getting it. We’re used to stupid though, after all, we’ve shoved so much shit into your mom’s pussy hole that it’s like a clown car at a circus in Germany. OH!

Behind the Curtain with Will Pendarvis

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Some fans of The Jason Ellis Show have a Q & A session with Will “Shiny Shins” Pendarvis, the CEO of Faction 41, as well as the lonely, slightly disturbed, partially terrifying, but tireless boss of Swinghouse Studios. We asked the fans to submit questions they might like to ask Will, using the #AskShindarvis tag so we could track the questions. Here is a portion of what everyone came up with, along with answers straight from Pendarvis The Third himself!

@mike_in_canada: What was it like being another DJ at the same station as Howard Stern?
I used to be on the air in the afternoon at the same station in New York where Howard did mornings. That was the biggest honor I’ve ever had career-wise. Howard has always been extremely nice to me. To be listening to Howard and have him or Artie or Robin bring up your name out of the blue.. it may seem lame to some people… but it’s always exciting to me.

@sharkchucker: It seems like you were once a fun on air talent at one time. When and why did you give up?
I’ve had some awesome times on the air.. and I’ve actually done some good, unconventional, subversive, non-mainstream stuff on the air… but I always wanted to work behind the scenes. After I met Ellis I knew he was the guy who could do the on-air part… and I could work behind the scenes to use what I’ve learned to help promote and build the show. It’s the perfect scenario for me.

@sharkchucker: When the show started and Sirius / XM didn’t want Tully to speak, could you see the need for a smart guy? Was it set to fail?
Ellis could sit in a room and talk for four hours and be plenty entertaining on his own every day. He was born with that gift. I’ve championed Tully being on with Ellis because Tully is very funny and smart… but he also makes Ellis perform at his best. There’s no doubt at what Tully adds to the show.

@bitPimps: You used to be the “voice of TBS” and have an entry on IMDb. Do you think you’re hot shit or something?
Yes.

@AZ_RedDragon: When you lost your virginity was it special? How much did she cost?
Oh. I see. You are inferring that I had intercourse with a prostitute. That would only be made more humorous if you had indicated that it was a male prostitute.

@bitPimps: You’re coming up on 30 years in radio / tv / production. Is there anything you regret or wish you had done differently? And back then, did you see yourself in a different position from where you are now?
I would have invested money in Microsoft, invented bottled water and I would have signed Ellis to a 20-year management deal where I get 40% of his income.

@wiz1010: What is on those security tapes of swinghouse?
I have a few videos saved. One day when I have some time I’m going to transfer those videos and put them online. I have Josh being scared by Jason at 4am one morning… people stealing shit… Ellis getting kicked in the leg… there’s some good stuff on there.

@wiz1010: Why do you hate Tully so much?
Doesn’t everybody?

@wiz1010: If you we’re stranded on a deserted island and could have only 2 things, what and why?
A fancy hotel and a supermodel with very low self-esteem.

@tank_yanker: What did you do wrong that sent you from NYC to a shitty warehouse in LA?
I pitched the idea of Faction and building an LA studio and moving here to run it… I think this is awesome. If it’s meant to be a punishment it’s not working.

@sharkchucker: How many ex-wives and kids does it take to dull the optimistic sparkle in ones eyes?
Kids are awesome. Ex-wives? It only takes one.

@bwstrangler: When I’m stalking a woman in my car how many car lengths do I give them and when do I flash the lights and honk the horn?
At first you need to get right up on them. Make sure they know you are there. Then.. back off for a while. When you think they have relaxed… pull up real fast flashing your lights and honking. Repeat. Repeat. ..and then do it again the next night. …and wear a clown mask.

@sharkchucker: Can you openly tell the stories from the cocaine and whores good ole days of radio?
Yes.

@CrackerStacker6: Just how many women have you kidnapped and now remain in your “dead letter office”?
What? Are you a cop or something? You can’t prove anything. If you had anything on me you would arrest me.. so put me in handcuffs or get out of my face. Anyway- I have video that proves I was lighting fires when all those people went missing.

@bwstrangler: At what age did your children start riding a bike? Your children can ride a bike right?! u better not be raising rawdogs!
Rawdog is an awesome dude. That being said… I’m not raising any Rawdogs… not in my house.

THE END

Thanks to Will for doing all the behind the scenes stuff he does, for providing some button drops in front of the scenes, and for taking the time to do this Q & A session. He may have shiny shins, he might be a little rapey, but you can tell he loves the show and his 72 hour work days. Just kidding Will, we know you don’t listen to the show that much. OH!

Related posts: 2012: This Year In Pendarvis Images

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/31/2012

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Boo motherfucker!  What else would you wanna do on Halloween but kill someone, but like for real!  Thats what Ellis is all about today, and Adrianne Curry equates it to tripping balls basically, well the whole hallucinogenic part of it anyways.  Ahhhh Adrianne Curry, makes me wanna go “Shazing”, which is the sound made when your dick goes into a perfectly fitting carnival or shitbox.  Always learning something on the Jason Ellis Show, like Jason wants a sex couch, Rawdog is a Beverly Hills Ninja for Halloween, and that Adrianne goes to strip clubs for a nice place to talk.  She also said its cool if you check out another chic, but no more than 10 seconds.  But if the nipples are hard, then its ok for at least 20 seconds.  But good ol’ Ellismate found the loophole, if your seeing if her ass is real or fake, you can stare as long as it takes.  Some other shit we learned, some dude called in with 2 dicks and its called Diphallia, and strippers fucking freak out when they see it.  Apparently dude can piss or cum out of either of them.  Gnarly!  Speaking of cool shit with dicks, Ellis can slap his dick and make a Spoon Man kinda vibe with it, which he later in the show recorded and played live!!!  We also learned that “Randy” in Australia means horny, and it gives RawDog’s ‘Macho Man’ voice a whole new meaning.  Then Adrianne found the shake weight and we all stopped and listened……..

 

 

The elections are almost over people, and this little girl is sick of Bronk Obama and this whole erection thing.  Then we learned more about rape, and how in some states dudes can claim rights of “their child” in situations of impregnating a lady they raped.  Fucking sick right – Adrianne said she take a crowbar to the thing if she wasn’t allowed to choose.  Shoebox said he got accused of rape his senior year of high school.  Some bitch put him through the ringer for a while, and then just admitted it was a lie = CUNT!  Speaking of cunts, Cee Lo has been accused of rape and of not skipping a midnight snack.  Best spot for a snack near Hollywood, Adrianne suggests Hatfield’s and Rawdog offered Grill ’em All.  Shoebox offered us the TV series ‘The Walking Dead‘, which Rawdog said wasn’t that good, so its probably the greatest show ever made.  Oh man, serious Halloween tip for you here, Adrianne reminded us if your going to fuck a zombie you gotta remember lube!  That goes for any ladies in their eighties too kids!  And if you somehow impregnate this zombie bitch and make a zombie son you can always name him either Chainsaw, Cannibal or Hannibal, all solid choices and Ellismate approved.  Seriously though people, if the zombies do come for real, Ellismate is heading straight for the jet skis.  Not bad idea, unless you follow @SharkPeople on twitter!

 

Nothing gay about this at all.

What is the World’s Greatest Thing Done While on Cocaine?  Could it be Lawrence Taylor or Michael Irvin, both of which won superbowls and did mad whores while on coke.  Maybe its Stephen King who wrote his best novels with a toot here or there.  And who could forget musicians like Eric Clapton or bands like Fleetwood Mac.  Oh fuck, how about that one dude who called in a while back and rubber banded his junk, contorted it until he got it in his ass, and literally fucked himself!  Possibly the winner was Elvis and his days of liquid cocaine, but we will truly never know who or what, is, the World’s Greatest Wednesday since they just gave up on it!   We did learn some key info though, like Adrianne once won a bet to sniff a bands name spelled out in coke, and that Stevie Nicks blew her nose out so bad she had to take lines up the ass.  And if your going to fuck while on cocaine, either get it hard first, or pop a cialis before the start of your night!

 

   “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!”

If you haven’t noticed Tully isn’t in today, so in keeping in the spirit of #fucktully, our good ol’ friend Jizz Cult laced us with his pics on Instagram, so be sure to follow @Deadletters on Instagram for all of Will’s hilarious photos.  Adrianne used to have a pet Tarantula, and it bit her, and she got really fucking sick from it, Woman Am I Right?  Seriously ladies, don’t ever drop a “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!” if you in bed with a dude, cause its a legitimate reason to hit a bitch.  Speaking of my homies, check out Tony Hawk’s RIDE Channel on youtube for todays featured video of Birdman and Ellismate, bon appetite!  Rawdog had a game for Shoebox, Adrianne and Ellis, all Halloween themed and shit.  The game was lame, but the voice Rawdog blessed us with was classic!  Think of it like a cross between Rip Taylor and The Monster Mash dude.  The rest of the show was spent on the the new segment, “What have you stuck your dick in?”  We’ve done this before, but with Adrianne in studio it seemed a good time to refresh our memories.  Of course we got the basics out of the way, such as a vacuum cleaner, warm shampoo bottles, and in between two mattresses.  Some dude called in about the time he and his buddy DP’d a calf-liver.  And how could we forget the guy who cut a hole in the wall and lost his virginity to it.  He goes back from time to time to visit his family and his ex.  Cans of corn beef, pie filling, trannies, basically anything slightly warm and gooey will do.  The winner for me, some dude fucked a bong and later his buddy took a bong rip from it, what a douche.  From there the show was bombarded with ‘Dick Sticking Stories’ from a ton of #EllisFam, all of whom are listed here, that have fucked your mom over and over and over!