Tag Archives: Jesse James

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 5/2/13

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Welcome to yet another Thursday edition of The Sounds Funny Show with your host Sounds Funny, aka Billy Madison.  That and Diddy is knock kneed, whatever the fuck that means.  Listen to this shit, Ellismate, the myth, the man, the ledge, said NO to a TV show.  Fuck oath mate!  Apparently it was some CMT show about tattoos with The Wing being a judge.  Sounds awesome so far, especially considering CMT has such shows as County Fried Home Videos, Guntucky, Redneck Island with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and who could forget Dog And Beth On The Hunt…..but it would take him away from the radio show and that shit ain’t right!  Besides, like Rawdog reminded him this only makes the TV networks want him more.  Getting over a wheat allergy makes you want pizza more, just ask Linsanity who is over such an allergy, and probably passed out as you read this from his first slice of pie, Red Dragons to you my little Asian baby friend.  Speaking of little Asian baby friends who aren’t Asian, or babies anymore really, Tiger and Devin were jamming out to Master Of Puppets with Ellismate and despite their attempt, they couldn’t deny the riff!  Oh, and in case you forgot, Dom is a moron.  I’m not getting into how gluttony obvious he’s a glutton for glutenous abuse.

 

Bet he would have said yes to this....

Bet he would have said yes to this….

 

Hollywood News bitches and it starts on a somber tone, as Mac Daddy of Kris Kross has passed on to the ghetto in heaven, may Barry bless your sole.   Lindsay Lohan, queen of Hollywood News, may be queen of some California Prison for Women, check it out!  Katy Perry’s dad is a religious nut job from way back.  People don’t like Jesse James no more, but to me the news was they did in the first place, not OH!  Reese Witherspoon spoke out on being blasted and driving, and she’s totally pregnant too!  That’s realyl it for Hometown News, so which celebrity would Ellis be able to bang n maybe date a little to gain some serious followers on Vine?  Honestly this should be a World’s Greatest, but while were here the discussion was basically between Meryl Streep who’s just too famous, Rihanna who’s just too stupid, Lady Gaga which was just a bad idea in the first place, and of course Ke$ha who was the winner by default.  Looks kids, it can’t always be Radio Gold!

 

shitradio

 

Holy shit this is crazy, some dude in Saskatoon got ticketed for not wearing a seat belt, but dude has no arms!  Well of course a story this gnarly gets Rawdog, Tully and Ellis going on whether or not this scenario is safe.  What does happen if you, having no arms, go flying out your windshield into some dude walking his dog down the street?  Rawdog says dude should have to wear a seat belt, Ellis doesn’t – who’s right?  Some judge somewhere told this trucker dude that if you get into an accident, and slide out of your seat but the car remains in motion, you can’t stop it….so the seat belt also keeps you in your seat to control the car in a time of emergency.  Fucking geek speak but good shit, so I guess we witnessed some more accidental genius.  Enough of that, Cumtard is back on the show and sounds awesome, good vibe, and except for a kidney stone the size of the areolas in Rawdog’s dreams, is healthy and working out.  Good shit Kevin, so what’s he here for – to plus his shit!  Not without first having to defeat his nemesis and arch enemy, who he says he’s cool with but we all know is a total cover, Domtard in a game of Shock Pictionary.  Going in the odds were on Cumtard for sure, well since he created the game in the first place.  First to 3 (not best of 3) and the teams are Cumtard and Ellis Tully Ellis no wait yeah Ellis (Not cause he wanted to avoid Cumtard rather shock the shit out of Dom), against Domtard and Tully.  Round One was well played by both but Domtard edged it out by drawing ‘Fire’ in less than 16 seconds.  Round 2 Cumtard ‘TV’ 4 seconds!  If you do go back and listen, be sure to catch Dom’s 2 minute 20 second sketch of a clown, hilarious!  Round 3 was quite the opposite, with Cumtard getting shocked like hell for over a minute drawing a ‘Cigar’, and Domtard taking the round with a 10 second ‘Moustache’.  Now i don’t know what happened after that, but these two mutherfuckers dug deep and pulled out some heroics the likes of Al Bundy at Polk High.  Round 4 was pretty crazy, with Cumtard just edging Dom out with a 9 second master piece entitled ‘Alien’.  Tied up and all the money on the line, Cumtard starts round 5 with a 6 second ‘Hitler’ (Shitty Band Name if anyone needs it), but is ultimately outdone by a 4 second ‘Sun’ to give Domtard the victory!  So fuck that sucks, Kevin can’t plug his shit, what do we do?  Give him another chance on the punch machine, and if he can beat the top female score, he can plug his shit!  Sounds fair, and remember I said Kevin sounds much healthier, well he laid into the first one and knocked a 55 which was already enough to beat all the ladies and get his plug.  But fuck that, Cumtard took all 3 shots, and maxed out at a 60 on his last punch, bringing him even with the likes of Tully and Dingo!  So does he get his plug, well not really cause all he got was to get a load shot on his face by fifty while videoed for Vine.  Ok fine he can have a shitty little plug – Go to www.riotcast.com and check the merchandise tab for his Mad Scientist Party Hour tee’s n shit, or just click here!

 

med_kevin_kraft

 

This mutha fucker here is clearly Fucktard Of The Week – way to go champ!  Ellis is getting a milkshake bar in the studio with elk cum in it so he can roid up and beat the shit out of any Gracie who wants it.  The Everlast song is allegedly done, fuck yeah!  And this is the most racist commercial ever kinda stupid!  Breaking News and its tragic kids so I warn you this fucking sucks – Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman has died at the age of 49 years old.  Instead of a moment of silence, I’d rather offer you this, and please take 4 minutes out of your day and listen to the riff and may he be remembered as great as this!

Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 - 5/2/2013)

                               Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 – 5/2/2013)

Slingin’ Cream is real damn it, just ask Mr. Ding-A-Ling and how he was threatened by rival owner Sno Cone Joe, no bullshit!  And if you don’t think that’s funny, then go back and listen to Ellis run off a list of new Wolfknife names.  I’m not gonna list them all, in fact I’m not gonna list any.  Final calls pretty much were just about a whole bunch of randomness really.  One caller did have the nerve to call in and steal my closing joke, about how your grandmother went to the swap meet and picked up some porn to keep the 6 year old entertained while I slang some of my own cream, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/25/2013

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its_barkinsons

Ellis can take care of his dogs, as long as Katie’s there to do it for him.

Staycation is over, time to get back into the swing of things, and what better way to do that than to do stuff. I know, that doesn’t make much sense and isn’t very funny. But maybe it is funny and you just get my high-brow sense of humor? No, that’s not it. It’s not you, it’s me, sorry ’bout that. Nobody has stuck their dick in the voice-altimication machine during the break, so the hammer has been… on the head, or something. Oh, hey, EllisMania.com is supposedly working on mobile devices now, so that’s pretty big news for many of you. Ellis did tons of shit during the staycation and wasn’t sure where to even begin, but he’s full of puppies today. He took his kids pretend extreme falling and Tiger floated around and shit, he also got tuned up a bit at the gym, and rode a mechanical bull. Tully was busy babying it up. Rawdog went to Oakland with a female friend during the staycation, he didn’t fuck any bitches or friends though. He also didn’t eat any shrooms, even though this “friend” said she had a massive bag of them, but didn’t feel like doing any. Say wha? Jude stopped by today after he heard about Rawdog’s chick friend that didn’t give him any shrooms. He gave Rawdog some advice, he needs to bang out an ugly girl and just keep banging her to get his head back in the game. This prompted callers to chime in with their own brand of advice, one of which was “Jennifer” who wanted to take Rawdog out to McDonald’s and maybe take him home, bend him over and fuck him in the ass. By the way, “Jennifer” ended up revealing he was really a dude whilst saying that last bit. ZING!

pushing_me_around

I think I might owe money to the Jew-manji jar for this one.

Uh oh, My Chemical Romance has made an astonishing announcement, they are done and over with. There’s a Jew-manji jar now, anytime Ellis says anything anti-semetic, Rawdog says something bad about Australians, and when Tully doesn’t say nice things about Ellis’ penis – they all have to put money in the Jew-manji jar. Davi Millsaps called into the show to explain why the fuck he’s the fastest deformed man in the world, not the points leader, and to deny Ellis of his used tires. Rawdog got gassed out after lifting some kettle bells (via Onnit & Donald Schwartz) and some MMA school training in the prize chamber. Some Cody dude that was the winner at Tiger Box stopped on the show today hoping to do make-up and take photos of the guys for his spank bank book. One of the other Tiger Box competitors got a drumstick in  his asshole, while another got tackled and molested by a shirtless Grant Cobb. Oh, and Katie ate some chicks ass out on stage, and FuckYouDude might possibly have gotten peed on. Wish it was you that had a drumstick up your asshole? Good news! Tiger Box should be happening again in about a month. Except this time Anal Gay-Lewis won’t be calling people up to compete because he totally botched that job this go-around. There was a debate between Rawdog & Tully about the writing between The Woodsman and Big Fucking Mega Boat. This prompted Ellis & Cody to drop a few coins into the Jew-manji jar and make a few comments. That’s also when Tully put a dollar in the Jew-manji jar, leaving us to assume he will be blasting racial comments Rawdog’s way at some point.

moms_toy_story

Toy Story took an unexpected turn.

We got to hear a JizzCult dolphin read masturbation news, turns out the dolphin is a bit of a chubby chaser because he likes to think of whales while rubbing himself on some coral. Some chick called in to ask what “Red Dragons” meant, she quickly earned her first Red Dragons after saying her boyfriend once fucked her with a large, cock-sized herb pipe, which she really enjoyed. World’s Greatest Guitar Riff resumed today, here’s how it played out, or at least as best as anyone but Rawdog could tell:

  • Seek & Destroy (Metallica) vs Bro Hymn (Pennywise)
    Seek & Destroy (Metallica) won and moves to the Sweet 16.
  • Walk (Pantera) vs For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica)
    For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica) won and moves to the Sweet 16.
  • Seek & Destroy (Metallica) vs For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica)
    Suprise, Seek & Destroy (Metallica) won and moves to the Elite 8.
  • Twist of Cain (Danzig) vs Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne)
    Ozzy won and moves to the Sweet 16.
  • The Thing That Should Not Be (Metallica) vs A New Level (Pantera)
    Pantera won and moves to the Sweet 16.
  • Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne) vs A New Level (Pantera)
    A New Level (Pantera) won and moves to the Elite 8.
  • Seek & Destroy (Metallica) vs A New Level (Pantera)
    Seek & Destroy (Metallica) won the Elite 8 spot.
widest_slot

Nope. Your mom has the widest slot you can get.

Mr. X flew with some sticky icky again, and this time his luggage didn’t mysteriously go missing. This chick elegantly explains a recent hail storm. Now, wanna hear her auto-tuned? TJES fan, @TheWoodswoman had her piano version Awesome World played on the show today. In Hollywood news, despite the world’s best efforts, Lil Wayne is not dead. James Franco is allegedly a terrible neighbor by leaving trash everywhere, he makes noises and stuff, and the children, think about the children! Ashley Greene’s house burned down via an unattended candle, and it killed her dog. The house fire, not the candle, the candle was acquitted of the dog murdering charge, but held for the arson charge. Lindsay Lohan struck a plea-bargain and will be going to a 90-day lock down rehab center, even though technically, one does not exist in the US. So the judge said, “Shit, my bad. You can serve that 90-days in jail if you wanna.” Does not having sex with Lindsay Lohan at Coachella while Blur is playing, make Rawdog less of a man? Probably. Peter Murphy got arrested for DUI after doing a hit-and-run number. Cher put one of her homes on the market, it’s in Venice and if you’re a total fucking freak, you can buy that grey pube infested pussy grease trap. Victoria Beckham has announced she’s retiring from singing. Did she ever really sing or was just yappy? Jesse James got married for the fourth time, which automatically makes him the bitch in any and all future relationships he’s in. But hey, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, I like you, but you could be banging Urkel and you’d still be the bitch in that relationship. OH!