Ellis went to see The Cult over the weekend with Will Pendarvis and a few chicks that are pro (fake) wrestlers for NWA or some shit, and it sounds like he had an alright time, sister. Rawdog’s rendition of any song by The Cult sounds like Michael Bolton to me, hotdog, sister. He also did not get laid this weekend, but did go in a sensory deprivation tank, where he could feel himself bump into the sides every so often. You know, that whole depriving the senses thing. The big news? Hold on to your hats, parking wasn’t $7, it was $15! Some Glee chick did something or another, or didn’t do something or another, I don’t know or care which. Seriously, the first two hours of the show was very oddly uneventful, it was actually a bit weird.

Everlast will be performing at EllisMania 8, along with of course Death! Death! Die!, and there is a bikini contest as well! There’s going to be an EllisMania Hall of Fame at some point, where specific contestants will be inducted, sounds like this might actually be in the future rather than this time around. Jon Jones got arrested for DWI and his mom had to come bail him out of jail. I ain’t makin’ no jokes about that dude or his mom because he could smash his elbow through my face, through the floor, and into the bowels of hell. Chyna passed out at a porn convention, apparently it was the 3rd time in the past 3 days. Unfortunately for her, something tells me we might be reading her obituary sooner rather than later. A father sewed his fourteen year old son’s butt together in an attempt to cure his Crohn’s disease. Fourteen. Butt sewn shut. And by dad. The fuck? Also, your mom’s sluttestry knows no bounds. Your mom went to see the doctor this morning for her annual check-up. He told your mom that she had to stop sucking dick. When she asked why the doctor said, “Because I’m trying to examine you!” OH!