If there was ever a Friday to not give a fuck, this my friends is the mother load. Not only is it Ellis Mania 9 weekend, obvi, but its also Ellismate’s birthday today. Live at the Hard Rock hotel in the lovely Las Vegas today’s show was fucking sick. Instead of running the credits after the movie, here are the notable names you would have seen if you weren’t at home jerking like me and many others. Of course you have the usuals like The Wing, RawDog, Tully, Wilson, and the frequent fliers like Dingo, Cumtard, Katie. You have Joe Mills, Kit Cope, Kenji, and Ellis Mania legend Crazy Jerr!!! Shit man Sluggo, TJ Lavin, Butterballs and Ms. Butterballs in her I love Butterballs shirt….the fucking list goes on. Of them all, none dressed better than Jizz Cult who was none other than Butt Judge for this year’s show, a role he was born to molest play. Ellis is gonna be looking sharp himself at EM9, rocking a sweet pair of Manny Pacquiao orange boxing shoes, and yes Big Daddy Jas Cakes wears orange shoes, HAHAHAA!!! Also to add to the fight night wardrobe, a freshly shaved chest, man shit! It’s helped Ellis achieve “winning weight” and Minnesota is the “Tijuana of Canada”. Remember I told you about Will Butt Judge Pendarvis III like 2 sentences ago, he’s already taking some prey, all conveniently named Tara believe it or not. His first and quite fitting, Most Stalkable Ass. Then shit got creepy as he tagged a pregnant lady Just Like Mom Use To Make. Then shit got more creepier as some dude got Butt Judged, Hairiest Ass! Then shit got fucking hot, as Katie gave Will, the fans, the world a thesis worthy display of what an ass looks like!
Man Bags love ’em, and so does about 9 billion dollars apparently. Dingo makes man bags, well fanny packs really, but with speakers so their kinda gangster, fuck man I’m so confused right now. Then Kit Cope and Ellis got on some tirade about how when they punch each other in the face, its more sensual and meaningful than when Ellis shoved his tongue down RawDogs throat, which I just find hard to believe but you just read it on the internet, so its probably true. Enough of that shit though, lets get down to business and decide this year’s Little Miss Jason Ellis. We have three contestants this year, Amanda, Deidre, and the defending Little Miss Ellis, Jason. For the first leg of this event, each participant must answer a few questions, such as if Amanda were President and involved in RawDog’s orgy this weekend, what would she do? Film that shit, and give the proceeds to charity! She also thinks is not gay to DP and that Deidre has a shitty jacket. Deidre thinks the show needs more female guests. Jason was asked who he would murder, just in random conversation and he said Wilson of course, especially since he has a Butt Judge sticker on his ass from Will and he wasn’t sure why. Enough of that shit though – straight to the Limbo!!! Yeah, I can’t really type much about Limbo but from the sounds of it the crowd really were the winners here, well depending on your view. Other than that all you need to know is TJ Lavin has a license to drop C-Bombs, there are currently like 18 dudes willing to take part in Josh’s orgy tonight, and Ellis maybe working on a 12 woman dutch rudder, all this alleged of course!
Kenda Perez is fucking hot! I probably should just end it there since that’s all you need to give a fuck about if anything at all. Well that and there isn’t much I can really tell you other than Ellis has a stripper pole in his room and really was putting game to Kendra, but not quite enough to get her to limbo, FUCK! I guess this is as good a time as any to shout out to lets see, Kenji aka MMA Elvis, oh and of course Betsy who’s posting a very generous prize to a couple of fights for the winners choice of charity. Did I tell you Ellis has a stripper pole in his room at the Hard Rock? Hey ladies, its the Ladies Naked On It Challenge and for this, when the ladies get to the push ups, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Truthfully we’ll see how good the audio from this is but I’m spanking on it not being worthy of Shannon Shenanigans Guns Guns. Oh yeah, Ellis has a stripper pole in his fucking room no joke!
If your reading this, Death! Death! Die! has probably left the building, but I bet they fucking rocked it bro. Remember the dude who rocked the Friday show at Ellis mania 8 when he puked on the crew, you know the dude in the Super Man undies, that dude was there again sans the big boy draws. OK OK I’ll stop stalling, back to The Little Miss Jason Ellis contest and stage 3 which is none other than Celebrity Impressions. Amanda did a slightly spot on Bill Cosby and former Little Miss Ellis did a pretty hilarious real Jason Ellis, but not the real one kinda the fake one that Rawdog does, he did that! They both lost though to Deidre’s memorable Al Pacino though. This basically tied it all up so we went to a sudden death that’s not a sudden death Banana Eating Contest and to quote the immortal David Lee Roth, a little more to the left!!! Time for Ellismate to go live in the crowd for a unprecedented Dude Am I A Slut for the ladies, and Get The Cock Off Your Chest for the fellas. Unfortunate, well maybe fortunate, yeah its fortunate that it instead turned into Who Wants To Make Out With Ellis for ladies, and Who Wants To Make Out With Katie for the ladies, and the fellas can just hang tight! Well turns out there aren’t that many sluts in Vegas which I still call bullshit on, and there’s a ton of cocks on chests though which I can understand. None of them of course bigger than the cock some dude got off his chest and out his mouth, oh and some other dude DP’d his chic with a mold of himself but he was just bragging more than anything.
Welcome back as we check in with this year’s Little Miss Jason Ellis contest and it’s time for Karaoke. To start us off we were blessed with Deidre’s best attempt to rock Jerry Was A Race Car Driver which was aight. Then we got a cheesy yet very sexy Happy Birthday from Amanda to Ellis, but it wasn’t no where as good as Jason, the former Little Miss Ellis, and his bone chilling Nothing Compares which was literally spot fucking on! Somehow Deidre, I think, got another shot and went balls clit out with Angel Of Death and fucking ripped shit up, and I think it may have got her this year’s title, but I never really got clarification on that so tune in next time to find out who will be this year’s Little Miss Jason Ellis!!! Oh, and just for good measure we got to watch/hear Cumtard dance while testing out the shock collars for tomorrows fights as Kit Cope gazed at his crotch in amazement. So from all of us here at NoYouAre, and while wishing Jason Ellis a Happy Mother Fucking Birthday, you know the one where you get a cake, but not just any cake nah this one has some filthy old bukkake covered shemale who will just call your mom jump right out the middle of it and just yells at the top her her lungs, Red Fucking Dragons and kick Gabe’s ass, enjoy the show like its your last….cause ya never know!