Tag Archives: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/8/2012

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Somebody’s gotta do it

OK people, we only have to give a fuck for a few more hours so lets roll!  If Ellismate had 75 dicks do you think his arms would get tired from the excessive jerking requirements?  Its a damn legitimate question, and so is Rawdog asking if he’d even have enough load to support them all  droppin’ loads.  Speaking of loads, Ellismate was listen to Kevin and The Bean this morning, and man those dudes fucking suck. There not really the same thing as The Jason Ellis Show, kinda like the difference between vert and street skating.  Ellismate compared the shit they spew to what he had to do while working on Octane, such as telling you how amazing Finger Finger Death Punch is.  “BLAHT”!  Haha, thats the drop of rawdog gagging yesterday while practicing for his big day.  Tully’s working on the details, but no date has been set yet to see Josh blow that dead horse cock.  Hopefully Rawdog updates his hairstyle before the big day to look his best.  Tully and Ellis threw around some possible looks like herpes infected David Beckham or maybe honest Abe Lincoln.  Tully has afro like hair, which gets all padded down from his scotch taped head phones, which piss on Rawdogs one ear only headphones, fucking swinghouse.  Turns out Will has more headphones, and the new Jason Ellis cum rags.  Right about then Cumtard walked in, and the kids going to be a huge star.  Check him out soon on Ellismania.com doing shit like putting hot sauce on his taint to see if he gets a boner to the obvious butt chugging video.  Ellis also mentioned making the Rawdog spinning by his ankles vid too, and this may be a new Thursday routine for the site so fuck yeah!

 

 

That ain’t a sword he’s holding

In Hollywood News, its fucking cold and rainy, wah!  Also Jermaine Jacksun is changing his name and thats not a typo.  Some hot crazy Ukrainian bitch said the ‘Call Me Maybe’ song is a fucking rip off of her smash hit ‘Hunky Santa’.  Molly Cyrus is getting married at 19 and good luck with that.  Lindsay Lohan is a dumb cunt and she may be getting her own ‘Lindsay Lohan News’ segment on the show.  Speaking of dumb cunts maybe getting new shows, Kate Gosselin and Kendra Wilkinson swapped kids for a week trying to keep their reality lives going.  In other Hollywood news, some lady from Kenya had twins and gave them shitty names, and this baby got pregnant in Saudi Arabia.  Apparently all of the shit above was fucking hilarious to Jizz Cult who about stopped the show pissing himself laughing, so be sure to check out @Deadletters on Instagram!  Also be sure to check out Rob Corddry’s new movie Warm Bodies, and Johnny Knoxville and Arnold’s new movie The Last Stand.  Speaking of Arnold, is that dude not the baddest mutherfucker of all time?  Tully pointed out to Ellis that this warlord has been the strongest man in the world, banged a Kennedy and became governor, banged every other woman that walked the earth, and can’t speak a lick of english.  Red Dragons to you sir!

 

Watch your pussy around this guy

In Aussie news, reporter Michael ‘Sick Cunt’ Tully read a list of Australian inventions that may blow your fucking mind!  From disposable syringes to vaginal cameras these kangaroo fuckers really hooked us up with some cool shit.  Big shits rule, just saying!  So we may be getting another new segment like once a month, ‘Period News’, not to be confused with ‘Women, am i right’.  And then girl on girl star Ryan Keely walked into the studio and she’s fucking smoking hot.  She talked about the new law that passed in LA county and how it was total bullshit.  That the use of condoms with such huge cocks and repetitive banging actually makes the woman more likely to catch a disease since her membranes are so destroyed.  Its all just to stick it to the industry rather to really help anyone in the end. Turns out she is retiring from the game anyways, and just in time as Ellismate is thinking of making his debut with his porn character The Cape-ist, aka The Pussy Burglar.  So what is Ryan going to do with herself besides shuffle her cookie ten times a day?  How about a career in radio.  She’s already got a podcast going and some sick drops on the Ellis show.  If so, she needs to tell her stories about her ex boyfriends.  This one dude used to wake her up by dropping his load on her feet while she was asleep, and he took it up the ass.  This other ex of hers used to line up a friend of his to show up at dinner, and try to convince her into a DP with the two fellas, he took it up the ass too!  I’m seeing a trend with the type of guys she dates, and if you were wondering, she’s fucked 4 dudes in the ass in her lifetime.  Rawdog, I mean Sarah joined the show to have a ‘Sexy Off’ with Ryan Keely which was kinda cool.  Ryan also took the time to offer her advice to Rawdog for his upcoming event.  Suggestions like relaxing his jaw and using his hands to work the shaft should be very helpful when sucking that dead horse cock.  She did fear that the dick may be too big for Josh’s mouth,  but that hopefully shouldn’t be an issue.  Ryan’s also an expert on butt chugging, and gave Cumtard a few pointers to help him, like using a room tempature beer and for it to be flat to avoid the fizz.  She also suggested getting a higher quality beer since it is going up his ass.  She then gave Rawdog a zerbert and made the little Bush Babies day, awww!

 

I never knew thats what it meant!

In ‘Cock News’, Chad Kroeger is a total dick but also kinda funny too for betting a roadie to put his dick in a fan.  Shoebox rolled into the studio to shoot the shit about Cumtard’s butt chugging plans.  They tried some more to figure out the best beer to put up Kevin’s ass, but maybe its not beer they should be using, maybe Zima?  Shoebox taught us what a ‘chilly willy’ is.  Its when you take a shot of vodka, followed by a bump of vodka up the nose, but don’t try that at home.  From there it was all about Rawdog and this massive horse dick he’s gotta blow.  They tried to figure out how much of the steak Rawdog took on yesterday’s show and Tully placed it somewhere between 2 to 3 inches.  Well, if it don’t fit in his mouth, Joanna Angel will just have to to preform dick tricks on him for a minute and 45 seconds.  Ellis then tried to figure out the best way to display this act.  Should the Dog be on his knees with his arms held back, or maybe tied up like a magicians assitant?  He could have wings and bra and come out as a victoria secrets model.  Maybe a jockey outfit is appropriate for Rawdog, but only if Joanna gets a horse tail butt plug too!  What about the background music for this?  Slinging Cream or Neutral Milk Hotel or how about some video messages from his family for moral support through such tough times.  Whatever happens, one caller was right when he suggested they get the dick stuffed for the walls of the Faction studios.  Sounds like something your mom would ask for, a taxidermied stuffed version of mine and all of EllisFam’s cocks for her walls…..her pussy walls, OH!

 

Show Re-cap For Friday 10/26/2012

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When its friday, and your not giving a fuck, how fast do you drive?  Fast enough to fly by some dude, have him chase you down and yell “What’s Up Bitch?”  Ellis did, and just stared the dude down until he left, Red Dragons!  So he drives a little fast in his new bad ass Thomas Hayden Church approved Porsche, fuck off.  Except Tully reminded him, and us all, the point that you may not just kill yourself, but you may kill others.  Thanks Tully!  We all know Ellis is a professional driver, and Rawdog can’t drive for shit, so I ask you who’s more of a risk?  Old people is correct!  Fucking old people should take buses every where, like a mobile old folks home.  Also, drunks should now have to in their own Drink Drive lane, and if you can handle your booz more than the average Joe, you can get a Black Card Drivers License and bang mad whores! Of course all this is just leading up to the day we start having no traffic lights or stop signs.  When that happens, Ellis will never drive his car again and Rawdog’s gonna lock himself in the bathroom with a helmet and never go outside again.  Fucking Rawdog may be onto something this time, well with the helmet and when he told us that Canada has 4 nuclear bombs.  Thats nice when compared to the US having over 100, and Australia having none mate.  Of course, it only takes one to fucking ruin your fucking day, helmet or not!

 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! 

 

In Hollywood News, Justin Timberlake is going to make one of his friends do 100 hours of community service, what a dick.  The dude, not JT, is a dick for making some wedding video with some homeless dude in pretty poor taste.  You know who else is a dick, the lead singer for Foster the People, and Prince spotted it.  While Prince was preforming a small show, the lead man for Foster the People was using his cellphone, and we all know how Prince is with anyone even looking at him let alone snap a picture, so he had security boot the Foster dude out of the show, despite his pleas of innocence.  Red Dragons to you Prince!  Do you think we could get about 100 EllisFam to show up to a Prince show, and simultaneously all pull out our cell phones and fucking blow his mind?  You know what blows Ellis and Katie’s minds?  The new LEGEND OF CONAN movie muthafucka’s!  This news was so legendary that Ellis has to call Katie to give her the news live on air.  Heres the catch, Arnold is also going to pair back up with Danny Devito to remake Twins…..only its Triplets this time, and with Eddie Murphy.  Yeah so the new Conan movie should be pretty fucking sick. Sick enough to convince Ellis he’s gotta do steroids, and Rawdog too!  Ellis was doubting his chances of landing Arnold on his show, but Cumtard, Tully and Rawdog seemed more optimistic.  I mean if Covino and Rich can get him, then Ellis has to have a shot, right?

 

Thats Jew-elery hunter to you!

So if you like pepsi over coke, your an idiot.  And if you drink pepsi with a yellow cap, your a jew.  And if I say ‘your a jew’, thats racist, but if I say ‘he’s a jew’ is perfectly cool.  Did you follow all that?  Tully did, and he’s onto the whole Lord of the Rings being all racist and shit.  Smeagol’s kinda like a jew chasing the ring around and all.  Gollum is named after “Golem” the jew monster!  Sounds to me like Lord of the rings is more jewish that Josh himself, well since he doesn’t even know, let alone celelbrate all the jewish holidays as Ellis found out.  Rawdog defended himself  by saying theres so fucking many Jewish holidays that its hard to remember them all.  Ellis wasn’t buying it, but after a phone call to the jewiest of them all, the illustrious Shuli who comfirmed jews even have a holiday for building a hut, Ellis kinda backed off on Trust Fund Baby.  Shuli also told us that technically jewish people aren’t supppose to work or do shit on Fridays.  Kinda gives Who Gives a Fuck Fridays a whole knew meaning!

 

Women need the hoop the be lowered cause they fucking suck at basketball, says the coach of the UConn Huskies.  Dudes right, I mean would you at least be more willing to watch the WNBA if chics were just dunking on each other like Shaq?  Would you be more willing to watch it if they were all naked and Jackie Chan-ing each other all over the court?  I rest my case!  Ellis made a case for Shaq Diesel to be a host on America’s Got Talent, and Tully made a better point with reminding us Blue Chips was about Shaq’s only decent movie.  Just cause the guy can’t hit a free throw to save his life, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be decent next to Howard Stern.  Speaking of TV hosts, Simon Cowell is on the prowl, allegedly banging the shit out of Carmen Electra.  Fuck yeah Simon!  I mean really, other than banging the shit out of ’em, what are women good for?  How about 87 gallons of breast milk, a ride on a manatee, and a snatch to hide your meth pipe….Woman, Am I Right?   You know what Wilt Chamberlain and Andre the Giant are good for?  Check it out………………….

  Arnold wasn’t hitting the roids that hard for the 2nd Conan movie

 

Some dude called on with serious IBS.  Serious enough he was taking morphine to ease the daily pain he experiences.  I never knew the shit could get that bad!  Either way though, this dude was seriously stoned.  Ellis talked to him, and tried to help him see his life in a better way, and go seek rehab.  I hope that dude goes!  I also hope this other caller goes too, somewhere way far away from his wife since she not only won’t fuck the dude almost 3 years after having a child, but she freaks out on him if he jerks off as well.  This pissed Tully off to no end, and caused Ellis to suggest either AshleyMadison.com or taking a shit on her chest and leaving.  Ellis even said it wasn’t as bad as this when his first wife was smashing plates over his head.  But it’s not all just the ladies not giving it up, some dudes are lame asses too apparently.  Not Ellis or Tully of course, and well Rawdog, he’s just an animal.  If your one of those dudes, and you need to please your lady, take the advice of Ellis and try some Pool Lube with your lady.  If you one of us fans of the show, then you may want to check out the last hour, as Tully revealed some more old clips from around 2007-2008.  A bunch of cool shit here to go back and check out, from an Army dude busting a load while shooting at the enemy, to Deegan doing burnouts in the studio, to the 1st ever Dude is it Gay?  This was shit from back when Ellis had a myspace account.  I used to have a myspace account, in fact thats how I first met your mother and I’ve been fucking her ever since, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 5/22/2012

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Swagg, bitches!

Ellis has bush, yup, we’re talking about below the belt – yet he is still the most hairless man, in the studio at least. He also finger blasted a chick in THC’s Porsche and has pissed in a chicks mouth (Katie? She seems nuts enough). There was a weird hissing or air blowing sound that was heard at the beginning of the show, it reminded me of the movie Commando when Arnold Schwarzenegger threw a pipe into a dudes chest and said “Let off some steam Bennett”. Good and/or bad news on the A6K, the West Coast Customs crew said whoever worked on it before, really fucked it up bad. Ellis figured out how to do a mellow version of what the infamous coked out, rubber bands around his shaft guy penetrating himself did. Chris Brown is stepping into the fun zone, I don’t really know what that means – it was just a quote from one of his songs. Let’s just pretend that didn’t just happen, okay?

Pft! I got swagga, bitch!

Shane Carwin (@ShaneCarwin) stopped by the show today with his biggest hands in the UFC, who Ellis has been terrorizing on Twitter like a mofo lately. Enter Carwin to have a tug-of-war with the entire band versus himself, so in case ya’ don’t know, now ya’ know, n-bomb. Turns out that the entire band of Death! Death! Die! is stronger than Carwin as they won the tug-of-war contest, but Ellis got drug around the parking lot when it was one on one time. It’s New Music Tuesday again… Whose pumped up about that? One of you? Anyone? Bueller… Bueller… Bueller. Well Slash had some new tracks out today, and I know I’m probably on my own here, but that dude Myles Kennedy? Yea, I don’t get what the big deal is, I don’t hear “spectacular” when I hear him sing. Oh well. Garbage had some new shit out today, remember them? At any rate, again, New Music Tuesday wasn’t nearly as bad as it used to be – so props to Jessica!

Blaaarrggghhhh!

Finally, there were a few semi-funny callers into the show today, including someone who claimed to be “Christopher”, a friend of Rawdog’s roommate. He said he had a great time a few weekends ago and was hoping they could pick up where they left off – with Rawdog passed out and his cock in “Christopher’s” mouth. Obviously this was fake, but kudos for at least a somewhat entertaining call. I guess overall, the callers today were a little better than they have been for awhile. I mean, except for the few callers that could fit more than 2 dicks in their mouth at the same time. Actually, there was one caller, Michelle, who brought the show to a screeching fucking halt by being a dumb cunt, so Ellis ended the show 10 minutes early. And finally, your mom went to the doctors again, this time she was complaining of stomach cramps. She got sent off for some tests and came back to hear the results. The doctor said to her, “Well, I hope you’re ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!” To which your thrilled mother replied, “Wow, you mean I’m pregnant?” The doctor said, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.” OH!