Hi guys! I’m not drunk, really.

It’s that time again kiddies! No, not time for booger art, it’s time for Monday’s re-cap! No Dingo today, he’s caught a case of the cunties and is sick. Ellis was thinking if he was tiger faced man, more man than tiger – think like Tony the Tiger, he would have to save the world by fighting crime with a bulletproof vest. His kids would find it weird at first, but after they got used to it, maybe while having a bowl of Frosted Flakes, they’d be cool with it. Is it worth it? So Ellis could still have cancer because Dr. Creepy didn’t cut that lump off his face yet. And now his jaw is hurting. Tully is not on board the Ellis has cancer train, he thinks it’s all in his mind. Ellis did a lot of shit over the weekend, more horse riding on the tard trail on his big-ass horse. Apparently a lot of the old western movies were shot in Burbank, but Cheers was not, or maybe it was. Probably not though. Ellis also jumped his motozuki this weekend, so mark that one off the bucket list. It’s great to hear that his face lump isn’t slowing him down and he keep crossing things off his bucket list, you know, just in case he dies during his lumpectomy. Just kidding Ellis, you’re not going to die anymore than I’m going to be hilariously funny in this recap. Jude stopped in for few minutes and talked about how his podcast pal is a lyric snob and basically thought Jude’s rap on the Death! Death! Die! album was child-like. Wilson has a boo-boo on his arm and so he’s wearing a bandage to hide the cancer-stricken hideousness that is festering there.

OMG! Spiders! Eeeck!

I don’t even remember how, but somehow we got on the 9/11 conspiracy theory topic. Oh, wait, I remember now. It was Sluggo. Kenda called in to talk about the UFC fights that happened over the weekend and to say she hopes she’s never been put on the “ho phone”. You know, like one of the three Wilson carries around on him at all times. There were some good fights and they were all free, so that was cool. If you missed them, you should check out the reruns that are already playing. Or read about them on the Internet at www dot pee pee hole dot com dot au dot org. Anyway, you know how Kenda is always around the MMA events and dudes wanna take pictures with her? Get this, when some dudes go to put their arm around her for the photo, her shoulder goes right into their sweaty armpits. Think about next time you’re kissing on a chicks shoulder. It probably tastes like Right Guard and that’s why. Michael Buffer is out for Bruce’s (his brother) throat, to be America’s Next Top Ring Announcer. But according to a caller, Bruce practices in the nude, so that might make him indestructible. I like to pretend that when they’re mad at each other, they both use their announcing voice to insult one another. “Ladies and gentleman, turn your attention to the asshole in the kitchen, my fucking bitch of a brother!”

We’re gonna blow your mind!

Ellis and Wilson like watching their local news, mainly because Sam Rubin is on. Tully hates it because the pace and flow suck, not to mention the people reading the news are fucking clowns. Not literally penetrating or being penetrated by clowns, but acting like clowns. Actually, I take that back. They’re doing all of it. A Wichita news anchor accidentally let the viewership know that he was ready to get the fuck out of work. Who is that crazy-ass white boy with tattoos that isn’t Ellis? Who knows. Dude, is it gay if Ronnie Faisst put Twitch’s toothbrush on his dick, then Twitch brushed his teeth with it? Twitch responded by putting Ronnie’s toothbrush in his ass and then Ronnie brushed his teeth with it? It’s full of homoerotic overtones, but it’s more stupid than it is gay. Hey, are you into conspiracy theories? Like on a pack of Marlboro’s there’s “KKK” and “Horrible Jew” type shit? Then you’re most likely batshit crazy, but that doesn’t make any of that bullshit any less fun at times. Like rocks are actually soft and squishy, they just tense up when we touch them or that Lady Gaga is actually JonBenét Ramsey. Let those sink in and blow your mind! We got to hear from a lot of crazies, but the fun has to end at some point and more serious business matters need to be addresses, like handing out Wolfknives names.

Now that we blew your mind with conspiracy theories, let’s talk about another kind of blowing – glory holes. They are out there. Apparently it’s more common than most of us would tend to think. You ever go to the mall? Yup. Glory holes. You ever go to an adult bookstore? Of course, glory holes. Airports? Indeed. Glory holes. Rest stops? Oh hell yeah. Glory holes. Basically, you’ve probably been in close proximity of a glory hole. And let’s face it, that means you’ve made eye contact with many a man who loves to gargle the load of another man – because girls aren’t in men’s bathrooms. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it sure is an eye opener. I missed a few minutes of the show (looking to see if there’s a glory hole in my house) and when I came back, Will was talking about how it’s unconstitutional to keep the phone records of Americans. I have no idea how we got here, but here we are none the less. Talk turned to how peoples’ webcams and such have been hacked so others can watch / spy on you unbeknownst to you. That shit definitely happens along with many other scarier things, so keep that shit in mind next time your sitting in front of your webcam eating your boogers. Why did nobody come to Billy’s birthday party? Because the clown he hired for the entertainment had opened fire on a crowd of tourists in New York the previous week, before killing himself, which soured the whole occasion. OH!

The other side of the glory hole.