Happy Fourth Of July to all of our American friends, hope you have a safe and wonderful holiday!
And to all of our Canadian friends, happy Friday.
Happy Fourth Of July From NYA
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Show Recap for Friday 6/27/2014
Welcome to the Friday recap live from Racers Edge in Burbank California! Actually it’s not live, or in California. I’m not even sure this is going to be posted on Friday, and that is the gift I bring you, spontaneity and procrastination. As many of you already know the Jason Ellis Show was live today from the go-kart track. Unlike the last time they were at Racers 
Edge, they have full reign of the place which makes things way easier to listen to. The first race up was the “listeners race” featuring such celebrities as Fonzo Blunt. Waiting for the next race, Tully told us a funny story about Shy Laboof getting arrested. I missed the name of the winner for the listener race, and I also forgot the name of the next race but I can tell you that this race has another celebrity in it, Greg Fitzsimmons. Not as impressive as Fonzo but still cool. I stepped away to get lunch and when I came back Kit Cope was bitching about the other racers that were blocking him and not letting him win, it was almost as of they were racing and trying to not lose.
Frank from The Fank Show joined the crew after the break. But more important than Frank are the hot chicks that Frank brought with him. I’m not sure what all of their names are 
except the one that’s last name is Shocker. Like “the shocker” “two in the pink, one in the stink!” Yeah that shocker and writing about that chicks last name is far more interesting than listening to them talk and try to learn the best way to drive the karts. Jason and Dingo took off to race leaving Christian and Tully to do their best to make these two girls interesting. Good job guys, you did the best you could with what you had. Dingo won the race with Ellis close behind then they hit on talked to the ladies there again. And that’s all I have to say about that.
There is an email being sent throughout the Denver EPA offices asking people to stop shitting in the hallway. And speaking of shitting in the hallway, we got to hear the girls talk 
about their race and bla bla bla. Not gonna lie, these girls suck at radio. But then Kevin came in to save the day and move the show along. Kevin brought the wheel of doom and being the good sport that he is he gave it a spin. Lucky him, Country Time! After Kevin finished his glass of piss lemonade Ellis had the ladies talk with the speech jammer. Riveting. The final race of this spectacular event was the Vagisil 5000. It was an exciting race with the winners being Emily in 3rd, Tully 2nd, and Hotdog walking away with the golden tampon trophy.
The final race of the day is the relay race. The fastest three drivers paired with the slowest three drivers. Dingo and Ellis started strong with Kit spinning out and falling a lap behind.
Winners of the relay race!
The switch off was
Ellis-Jacob
Dingo-Tom Fine
Kit-Shantanee
And in the last half something happened that immediately stopped the race and will probably require a written apology from Sirius XM and The Jason Ellis Show to Racers Edge. But I’m pretty sure they were warned so fuck them. So this concludes today’s live recap from Racers Edge. Have a safe Fourth of July, and remember, just because yer mum shoots bottle rockets from her swamp crotch doesn’t mean you have to also, OH!
I would like to thank Wayne, Emily, John, Amy, Shantanee, Stephanie, Christian, and Dingo for the pictures.
Show Re-Cap For Friday 6/20/2014
Today is a great day because Ellis punched and kicked someone on the head and that someone wasn’t me. Ellis is up to two shits a day, which we learned last Friday that taking two to three dumps a day is very healthy. Tully is still making one poopie a day but he thinks that he will soon be up to two steamers. Speaking of cutting turds, Tully thinks that nasty greasy foods makes you drop logs more but it’s not as good of a cable as healthy food makes. Enough talk of brown bombers and corn backed brown snakes and on to other stuff. Tully got a waterproof iPod for Father’s Day so now he can rock out to Poison and Cinderella as he trains himself into a lean mean scotch drinking fighting machine! Ellis was on Drew On Call last night and got to meet Latoya Jackson. Some people thought this
was a big deal but all I really know of her (aside from being Michael’s sister) was her disturbing playboy spread that looked like her brother but with tits. They talked about people who freak out around celebrities and how Ellis and Tully have never done that. I’ve never done that either and don’t think I ever will unless I meet Elvis or Dimebag and that’s just cuz they’d be fucking ghosts. On a side note, James Stewart has been suspended because he failed a drug test for amphetamines. He says it’s a prescription for a long term condition. I’m not going to speculate but that must be one serious cold! And on another side note, I’m not really sure I know how to use side notes properly but who really gives a fuck. A retired cop bought a piece of shit house in Portugal and found 35 million worth of cars in the barn. Shout out to his ass for being one lucky son of a bitch. The Huntington Beach Bad Boy called in claiming he’s in the best shape of his life, all 20 years of it, and wants to take on Jetta at EM10. I think this fight would mostly be hair pulling and bitch slaps.
Hollywood News, Harrison Ford has upgraded his broken ankle to a broken leg. At this rate I estimate that he will be dead by next Friday so say your goodbyes now. Motle Crüe has indoor football team now, KISS is so fucked! Leonardo Dicaprio called the White House because he really needed his passport so he can drain his balls into a plethora of Brazilian women. Tracy Morgan has been upgraded to fair condition. Chelsea Handler has a new talk show on Netflix, and NWA is making a documentary about being bad ass mother 
fuckers. Mike Shinoda (@mikeshinoda) came in the studio today. Unfortunately I couldn’t hear shit because either my hearing sucks, my headphones are crapping out, or Mike wasn’t on the mic properly. I blame Mike but here’s a list of the words I did manage to hear, Ellis, pills, wedding, hematoma, crutches, Linkin Park, Chester Bennington, shoes, money, Dr Dre, ranch dressing, new record, hunting party, fucked, and when I finally got off the tractor and could hear again I heard Mike listen to Renegade and Hate Bean. But he didn’t just listen to Hate Bean, he helped lay down new tracks as Will’s hype man! After all the excitement Mike talked about Metallica and a scene from a movie where Hitler is yelling about Lou-tallica. He said it is hilarious and I believe him. Mike’s never lied to me before.
Back from the break Tully brought us a video of stampeding ducks but because you can’t see into the radio I found it here for you. Christian brought in the top ten worst cover songs ever! Prepare to be disgusted!
10. Ugly Kid Joe, Cats In The Cradle
9. Limp Bizkit, Faith
8. Megadeth, Anarchy In The UK
7. Big Mountain, Baby I Love Your Way
6. Attack Attack, I Kissed A Girl
5. Avril Lavigne, Imagine
4. Limp Bizkit, Behind Blue Eyes
3. Phish, Gettn’ Jiggy Wit It
2. Duran Duran, 911 Is A Joke
And the final worst cover ever according to the musical genius of Christian James Hand, Big & Rich completely butchering the rock and roll classic, You Shook Me All Night Long. Fuck you Big & Rich, fuck you to hell. Also another craptacular cover is this, Avril going full retard as she try’s to sing Fuel IN FRONT OF METALLICA!!
To close the show they asked the callers what the most embarrassing pussy injury you’ve ever got? One dude dislocated his knee cap falling onto a bunch of girls, Cumtard fucked up his foot from kicking his couch, Christian was recklessly shaving his legs and sliced his sack and it kept healing to his leg, Tracy got her titty stuck in a treadmill, and another dude dislocated his shoulder on a water slide. My worst embarrassing injury was the one time I shattered my pelvis because I let yer mum on top, OH!
Show Recap for Friday 6/13/2014
Guess what day it is? Not Saturday, not Sunday, nope not even close. It’s Friday and it looks like some bad ass mother fucker managed to post this recap for you bitches on time! Go ahead and applause, I’ll wait. Ellis opened the show saying he needs a happier b side intro so when he’s feeling a little less murderey he can play it. Tully has a fucked up ligamental tendon in his dorsal elbowus armus majorus. That’s doctor talk for “yer arms
Dont poop dont poop dont poop dont poop
fucked up” and if he was a Viking he would be dead or hanging in the back with that one tarded guy that is always playing with the ants. They chatted about slow animals, duck dynasty, rich people in white clothes, and the Diarrhea game before Tully went on and on and on about basketball. Not that I’m not a fan of basketball but I’m not a fan of basketball, so fuck it. But the one thing I do know about basketball is that when LeBron is running down the court and his game is kinda short, diarrhea cha cha cha diarrhea. Ellis watched a movie where old ass Liam Nison kicked everybody’s ass in a totally believable wrist locking karate chopping movie. A woman in Florida was charged with firing an offensive missile into an automobile. It was an offensive bb missile but the best part of the story is her name, Crystal Methany. This got Tully and Jason talking about all the bad things about doing meth and coke and this led to the talk about the good things about coke, which let to them talking about E poopies. Everything makes a full circle eventually.
Three New York workers had to pray at work or they’ll get fired to the great god Onion Head. All hail Onion Head! Ellis, Tully, Kevin, and Hot Dog played a rousing game of everyone’s favorite, Shock Pictionary! Jason and Tully won the game but we all know the real winners were the listening audience, which means if you’re reading this because you missed the show then you’re a loser, loo-zer, la-hoo zah-her.
Harrison Ford got injured on set of the new Star Wars film. And with this late breaking news Christian “I Don’t Think My Names Long Enough To Be An Epic Radio Name” James Hand came in and told us how the full moon and alignment of the planets tonight are going to make the streets run red with blood of menstruating women and innocent men. He also 
brought more isolated tracks for everyone. We heard Van Halen with the breakdown of Hot For Teacher, then they had a short interruption on a little subject but they kept the conversation minimal, nothing big. Back to the tracks, They played a beautiful song by a chubby English girl whose name I don’t know. Then he played Aerosmith, whose names I know well. We heard Love In An Elevator and even without instruments that song rips it the fuck up! What else rips it the fuck up little 11 year old Michael Jackson who we heard next. Iron Maiden made a stellar appearance, not to be outdone Christian played Take On Me by Ah Ha, except they aren’t as good. And then the Chili Peppers. Not gonna lie, I’m sure this part of the recap sucks balls and is taking forever to get through even though this segment kicks ass so I’m gonna fast forward and…. Music break.
In Aubrey’s Corner we learned that it’s best to drink water, tea, or coffee. Your body knows you’re too slow to catch a buffalo so it makes you fatter. Fat is good unless it’s from fried shit. Butter and cheese is yummy but best if it’s from organic grass fed cows. Poop regularly, often, like two to three times a day! You also need to sweat, whether it’s in the gym, in the sauna, or to the oldies, it’s a good way for your body to detox and produce hormones and other important shit. Basically you don’t have to starve yourself, just eat smart, natural foods, and be active. Not hard people. Check out Onnit’s grocery guide for more help.
“If you like beer than have a fucking beer!” – Aubrey Marcus
They ended the show asking, “what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with your kid?” Probably the dumbest thing I ever did was when my second daughter was two she was ![baby-handling-guide (1)[3]](https://noyouare.lixlink.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/baby-handling-guide-13.jpg)
standing up in her high chair and I told her to sit down so she just let her feet slip and fall onto her butt. Unfortunately when she landed she bit her tongue with her two front teeth almost all the way through. Blood was everywhere, she was crying, my wife wasn’t home and I was freaking out. After calming down I remembered that cold stuff helps stop bleeding so I gave her a tub of ice cream and a spoon. That was a pretty dumb thing but it doesn’t beat the dumbest thing your dad’s ever done, yer mum, OH!
Show re-cap for Friday 6/6/2014
Ellis was late today, but I can forgive him, not like I’m ever really on time. Ellis is bummed because his Netflix isn’t as good as he wants it to be. Or regular TV isn’t as good as Netflix, I’m not sure cuz he lost me somewhere. But he likes movies though. He said so. That’s a quote, I probably shoulda used the “” thingies. Boobies. Do mermaids have vaginas? Ellis thinks they must because they make poops but I disagree. I think the lady mermaid poos out her fish baby eggs and then the guy mermaid jacks off and Spider-mans the eggs while the fish lady is all like “ooooh yeah, just like that. Cum on my eggs, 
cum all over them!” while squeezing her lady fish boobs. Have you ever tried to tip a cow? Well guess what hot shot, you can’t! Apparently cows have and oversized medulla oblongata that gives them a superior equilibrium. That and they sleep laying down. After a bit of awkward office drama where Will said Kevin constantly throws him under the bus and Kevin replied with the same claim but he can’t remember an instance, they read their “future” journal entries. Will wants the show to be successful, Kevin wants to be married to an inappropriately young woman, and Jetta wants his future wife to stop hating him.
In Hollywood News, Antonio Benderas released Melanie Griffith back into the general population. In the divorce Melanie is asking for child support, sole custody of their daughter, and her share of their properties. Antonio’s only request is to keep his hair which has been denied. J Lo’s boyfriend broke up with her, they say it was a mutual split but sources are saying that J Lo wasn’t packin enough in the sack for his liking.
Ellis rocked out last night at the magic mansion in Hollywood. He was invited by Bestie McBestington and his brother. They played songs from their new album and Jason said that even though he isn’t a fan of Good Charlotte he really dug the new songs so check that shit out when it’s released. More Hollywood News, Hootie couldn’t get into his own concert because they didn’t think it was him, some fat lady is making fat lady clothes now, a watch maker on IG is calling out all the rappers posting pics of their fake Rolex’s, and Dolly Parton has vagina tattoos, allegedly. But it’s still true cuz I just put it on the Internet.
After coming back from the break and plugging the great site, Justiceforvets.org, Jason, Christian, and Tully talked about smoking and the good ol days when the doctors would just prescribe a dose of Man The Fuck Up and Marlboro Reds. After some banter and chit chat of the sort they watched a video of Ellis in Vancouver for 411 magazine. Christian Hosoi is selling a bunch of his old skateboard decks on eBay for charity. This little tidbit of news brought about some old skateboarding stories from Ellis’s glory days when Hosoi was the fucking rockstar of skating.
After the break they talk about the EM10 battle, Tully vs Mad Child, and how Tully isn’t nervous but he might get shit whipped in the first minute if he doesn’t watch out. Jason Gay Dick Ellis called Twitch the Homo late which didn’t seem to matter. Twitch is going to be in the X Games competing in best whip and he needs us to twitter ESPN or X Games or some shit and hashtag #bestwhip #xgames #twitch #WhateverHisTealNameIs. Christian brought is the best new music of the month and here is my top 5 picks that you should immediately buy,
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5.
In today’s news an Oklahoma father runs over his daughters fiancé, a South African bike robbery at gunpoint is recorded on a gopro, and Branden knew he was fat when his mom thought his tum tum had scratches on it but they were really stretch marks, like the ones on yer mums flappy labiaus fattius, OH!