Today is a great day because Ellis punched and kicked someone on the head and that someone wasn’t me. Ellis is up to two shits a day, which we learned last Friday that taking two to three dumps a day is very healthy. Tully is still making one poopie a day but he thinks that he will soon be up to two steamers. Speaking of cutting turds, Tully thinks that nasty greasy foods makes you drop logs more but it’s not as good of a cable as healthy food makes. Enough talk of brown bombers and corn backed brown snakes and on to other stuff. Tully got a waterproof iPod for Father’s Day so now he can rock out to Poison and Cinderella as he trains himself into a lean mean scotch drinking fighting machine! Ellis was on Drew On Call last night and got to meet Latoya Jackson. Some people thought this was a big deal but all I really know of her (aside from being Michael’s sister) was her disturbing playboy spread that looked like her brother but with tits. They talked about people who freak out around celebrities and how Ellis and Tully have never done that. I’ve never done that either and don’t think I ever will unless I meet Elvis or Dimebag and that’s just cuz they’d be fucking ghosts. On a side note, James Stewart has been suspended because he failed a drug test for amphetamines. He says it’s a prescription for a long term condition. I’m not going to speculate but that must be one serious cold! And on another side note, I’m not really sure I know how to use side notes properly but who really gives a fuck. A retired cop bought a piece of shit house in Portugal and found 35 million worth of cars in the barn. Shout out to his ass for being one lucky son of a bitch. The Huntington Beach Bad Boy called in claiming he’s in the best shape of his life, all 20 years of it, and wants to take on Jetta at EM10. I think this fight would mostly be hair pulling and bitch slaps.
Hollywood News, Harrison Ford has upgraded his broken ankle to a broken leg. At this rate I estimate that he will be dead by next Friday so say your goodbyes now. Motle Crüe has indoor football team now, KISS is so fucked! Leonardo Dicaprio called the White House because he really needed his passport so he can drain his balls into a plethora of Brazilian women. Tracy Morgan has been upgraded to fair condition. Chelsea Handler has a new talk show on Netflix, and NWA is making a documentary about being bad ass mother fuckers. Mike Shinoda (@mikeshinoda) came in the studio today. Unfortunately I couldn’t hear shit because either my hearing sucks, my headphones are crapping out, or Mike wasn’t on the mic properly. I blame Mike but here’s a list of the words I did manage to hear, Ellis, pills, wedding, hematoma, crutches, Linkin Park, Chester Bennington, shoes, money, Dr Dre, ranch dressing, new record, hunting party, fucked, and when I finally got off the tractor and could hear again I heard Mike listen to Renegade and Hate Bean. But he didn’t just listen to Hate Bean, he helped lay down new tracks as Will’s hype man! After all the excitement Mike talked about Metallica and a scene from a movie where Hitler is yelling about Lou-tallica. He said it is hilarious and I believe him. Mike’s never lied to me before.
Back from the break Tully brought us a video of stampeding ducks but because you can’t see into the radio I found it here for you. Christian brought in the top ten worst cover songs ever! Prepare to be disgusted!
10. Ugly Kid Joe, Cats In The Cradle
9. Limp Bizkit, Faith
8. Megadeth, Anarchy In The UK
7. Big Mountain, Baby I Love Your Way
6. Attack Attack, I Kissed A Girl
5. Avril Lavigne, Imagine
4. Limp Bizkit, Behind Blue Eyes
3. Phish, Gettn’ Jiggy Wit It
2. Duran Duran, 911 Is A Joke
And the final worst cover ever according to the musical genius of Christian James Hand, Big & Rich completely butchering the rock and roll classic, You Shook Me All Night Long. Fuck you Big & Rich, fuck you to hell. Also another craptacular cover is this, Avril going full retard as she try’s to sing Fuel IN FRONT OF METALLICA!!
To close the show they asked the callers what the most embarrassing pussy injury you’ve ever got? One dude dislocated his knee cap falling onto a bunch of girls, Cumtard fucked up his foot from kicking his couch, Christian was recklessly shaving his legs and sliced his sack and it kept healing to his leg, Tracy got her titty stuck in a treadmill, and another dude dislocated his shoulder on a water slide. My worst embarrassing injury was the one time I shattered my pelvis because I let yer mum on top, OH!