Why fuck around with with formalities, here’s your recap. Lots of people have STDs and according to Tully’s peepee doctor we are all swimming in E Coli so enjoy your weekend at the community pool. Ellis fought a Mexican dude and Mike Jasper yesterday and after the fourth round he fell to his knees in exhaustion. He got so tired that he lost his focus and wasn’t thinking right. Then after that he fought Jasper and he got gasses again and Mike caught him right in the eye. But that is the key to getting bigger, faster, stronger, you keep pushing. And black eyes, because that makes you all manly and shit. Will took a trip to Best Buy for a back pack where he met a smart and funny girl who totally dug him and wants to get all up on his bone. Did I forget to mention she only has half a face and snorts Adderall. Oh and she thinks the government is after her and is totally nuts. Winner! Will is also contemplating getting a tattoo but he doesn’t know what he wants or where he wants it. A nice mural on those beautiful shins is a thought. They also bumped around talking about Thomas Hayden Church, Terra Patrick, Rawdog fighting Nick Swardson, and Ellis training Tiger for an inevitable yet unscheduled bike race against an unknown opponent. Don’t get me wrong, I love women and I think many of them are quite intelligent, but, the girl that called in driving to Austin, the one in Texas, who argued not Ellis because she didn’t think it was Ellis and wanted to talk because she was bored was a absolute tard and a terrible representative of the female community! The only thing good about that conversation is when she asked where the strangest place they ever got a blowjob was, Tully replied with, “just below my dick!”
Shark Weeks show, Shark After Dark, had on Tara Reid, and in case you didnt know, she’s an idiot. Ellis thinks she’s being fake dumb. A Washington Redskins fan freaked out because she didn’t get an autograph from a Redskins player. Here’s the Prancercise lady doing her thing in case you haven’t found anything better to jack off to. An Australian candidate is racist against Muslims, and is also a complete moron. Also in the “news” a chick got busted with a pill bottle of clean urine stuffed in her vagina when she went in for her drug test, a nurse is being sued because she did not deflate an inflatable catheter and spit the mans penis like a banana peel, and some lady with a dead husband found a heart shaped potato and thinks it was from him. Robbie Kenevil, the man, the myth, the drinking and motorcycle riding daredevil did a phone interview on TMZ. I could bore you with details or you could just watch it yourself you lazy bastard.
Parkour is moving indoors with Parkour gyms opening statewide, just in case your gay brother is worried about sunburns. The guys played a bunch of Vanity Press Records which are records made by people with money that have no business playing records. They were about as good as a, well, they weren’t good. They were horrible, but funny horrible. Here are a few in case you want to look them up for your own collection,
Alvin Dawn, Your Driving Me Mad
Gary Wilson, 6.4 = make out
John Arkasia, White Panther
Some sisters, My Pal Foot Foot
Some other dude, Gentle Annie
Shooby Taylor. He’s a scat singer and I don’t care what you think, that made me laugh.
Jeremy, with a crazy cigar voice
A man got a physical in Manhattan and on his report it had a code that said he’s gay. I’m sure the patient was quite surprised to get the news. A chick with a pierced cookie called in, unprotected loads. People are dumb. The dumber a girl is the greater her desire to have kids is. Being a fun parent is good but being a loving parent is the most important thing.
Aussie News-7 yo boy was camping gathering flowers and got lost overnight and slept with a kangaroo. T-shirt contest ends Thursday. Tshirt@ellismania.com if a chick wants to fuck you while rolling around in money be warned, if you fall for this scam then you sir are a moron. A guy in Cali dressed as a police officer pulled over a couple of undercover cops. Pot news- sanji he spoke against med marihuana in past and now published an article saying he was 100% wrong. Ridiculously awesome news- Chris brown had a seizure. Ellis called Nick Swardson and nick said he’s 100% going to EM