Tully’s wife knows to keep quiet on St. Patrick’s Day.

Hey, it’s a Two’fer Tuesday! You got me on Monday, now you get me again today. Luck you! Unlucky part of this is that I’ll be missing pieces of the show here and there. But that shouldn’t be much of a problem, it is St. Patrick’s Day, so I assume most of you are drunk already. We know Tully has some Irish roots, and after some DNA testing, we now know Ellis too has some Irish heritage in him. Cumtard is half cum and half Irish. One of The Beatles was an Irish bastard. AC/DC were some Irish bastards. Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Shaq, all of them – Irish bastards. Tully Jr got a green bagel and is rocking a Wilson hat today. Tully may be giving Cumtard the Smurfing of his cumtarded life. Cumtard has no idea how Tully Smurfs, but he’s going to be erect while he gets Smurffed and he’ll be releasing his wad into the wild within mere minutes of the Smurfing. Tully got a ticket from one of those red light cameras and he’s going to fight the city on it because god damn it, it’s bullshit and he’s not going to let them man shake him down for cash. Some little Ukrainian girl grew up like a dog, she barks, she shits, eats dog food, all that stuff. Why is it always a Ukrainian child that’s neglected to the point that they end up living as and with animals? Those black burgers and black burger buns are pretty metal bro. Is a gay baby a gayby? Sounds good to me, better than a black bunned burger anyway.

All English people strive to make you feel this way. It’s just their nature.

Mitt Romney says he will fight Evander Holyfield for charity and a peek at Evander’s big, Alabama black snake specimen of a cock. There’s a guest in studio, it sounds like a British girl, I don’t think Christian James Hand banged this one though. It’s Downtown Julie Brown, the ex MTV V-Jay. Where the fuck did they dig her up? What has been doing? She sounds like she wants Ellis’ cock inside of her, I can’t tell if she’s serious or just playing. Neither can Tully, he’s reverting back to his waiter days and feels like he should be handing those two menus. She’s really here to ask the guys some questions to find out who is more Bispingish British. First question is about spotted dick and it’s in no way a reference to anything found on Cumtard’s dick – it’s about fucking pudding. Next question was what color is a double decker London bus, which is a euphemism for getting double penetrated by two blokes, not three. Just kidding, it was really about a those stupid looking buses. Next question, what does Bob’s your uncle mean. Everyone should get this because Ellis used to say that all time – regardless of this fact, Cumtard indeed got it wrong. What is rumpy pumpy? It’s kind of the same as hanky panky, a little bit of nookie – in the ass. Just kidding again, it’s not specific about the hole, it just kind of means someone is playing with your naughty bits. Shag, too easy. And that’s the last of the questions I caught – work time. Oh, and her husband is a Nazi, just like Andrew’s grandparents.

Tully is giving everyone halftime information on positive things the show does for people and other charities, all while Andrew is busy talking, not listening. SHAME ON YOU ANDREW! Now spin the wheel! The phones have crashed and the green room is trying to burn a CD at the same time! How do they do it? Such a workload for 2-3 people, someone’s gotta call someone and someone to fix the phones for them, and someone has to push a button to tell a computer to burn a CD for them. The struggle is real. The Jason Ellis Show isn’t just about entertainment and charity, sometimes the show likes to keep you educated as well. That’s where the video below comes in.

Now that you’re educated on bitches, it’s time to listen to some music that may or may not fit on Faction with Jason Ellis. This isn’t fan submitted bands or anything, these are real established bands that sound like they were inspired by Game of Thrones. You know how this works. Fuck that. That sucks. Screw that. Meh. Fuck that one too. That one is cool. Fuck that one right in the ass. Meh. And so on. You know what would make all this music so much better? If everyone (including Cumtard) got to eat some onion rings. Guess what the guys did next? Yup, everyone’s eating onion rings, except Cumtard, he’s eating onion ring vomit while having seizures. Cumtard needs to share his pain with someone and the perfect person is Andrew, so he’s spinning the wheel and sure enough, it lands on eat an ice cream – which is not at all what we wanted, so time to spin again. Lands on ice cream again. Another spin is in order. Lands on dick punching machine, now that’s more like it! Back to the music, there were about 3 “yes” songs and about 2 “maybe” songs, the rest were a resounding “no” so kiss those goodbye. Ice cream time! Will wants a drumstick, Tully wants the chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich, Andrew wants the other ice cream sandwich, Cumtard took the other drumstick, and Ellis gets to sit and watch everyone enjoy their delicious treats. This is the important kind of shit we here at NYA break down for you. You’re welcome. You want more, don’t you? I can hear you. Try this on for size, another whopper! Cumtard has puffy nipples so he wears a wife beater under his t-shirts to help keep his nipples in check. Andrew eats his ice cream like a 6-year-old girl with his pinky out and everything. Will can’t get enough of police chases and probably owns clothing and cups and shit featuring the TV show COPS.

There’s talk of a show mascot. Should it be tape face? Let’s ask Will, Will knows a thing or two about mascots, he was a mascot for a radio station at one point – Mr. Fucksenkillsalot. Animals are always mascots, why not take it a step further and make the Ukrainian dog girl the mascot? Who wouldn’t want to take pictures with her? How about a cat made out of a bag of french fries? What about “Miracle” the child who survived an abortion? Why am I asking you? Anyway, lots of ideas were thrown out there, but nothing is set in stone as of yet, which means the hunt is still kind of on for a show mascot. And that’s gonna do it for today. You can now drift off into your drunken stupor, barf, rally, barf some more, pass out, and wake up tomorrow wondering why you’re wearing green lipstick and have a mouth full of pubes and jizz. OH!