Pendarvis looks like Biff.

Here it is, Monday, the show is in New York this entire week – visiting jerkoff booths, playing cricket , and playing Horse Force songs. Back in the Swinghouse days, going to New York meant the boys were going to upscale studio. But now that they have their new studio in LA, the New York studio isn’t looking so hot anymore. One thing New York has going for it is less farty microphones. Plus the voice altermication machine isn’t there, it doesn’t work on the East coast, only the West coast – it’s in the contract. Ellis has run into several people while in New York, including Pete Dominick who is famously racist against cricket and thinks Ellis & Tully are stupid for playing cricket. He also ran into Lisa G and asked if she wanted to play cricket, she said hell no. Beyond running into people at work, Ellis notes there is a lot of black people and a lot of Jews in New York. Pendarvis has already been mistaken for not Meatloaf, but Biff Tannen. Ellis is looking for Sex Dwarf by Soft Cell to play during the break for Katie since he has access to all the songs while he’s in New York, but he can’t read to find it so it’s Backbone to rescue! The American dream, everyone wants a taste of that shit, well almost everyone. Icy isn’t down with the American dream.

Some dude is in the news for enjoying his nullo lifestyle, he had a baby face and a huge cock and it made him uncomfortable, so the obvious answer was for him to lop it all off. Now he’s much happier. This brings up a good fun time story from Katie. She knew this dude who said when he was young, he had a crush on this girl and she kicked him in the nuts. Later in life, this became a fetish of his, getting hit in the nuts while he jerked off. Katie and her friend played a little game where the punched this guy in the nuts while he stroked himself off and came in mid punch to the balls. Oh, you crazy kids. Ellis and Tully practiced their impersonations by being Tony Hawk and Jesse Fritsch. The Jason Ellis Show is confirmed to be live from Hooters in New York on Wednesday, along with Artie Lange, so if you’re in the area, you can go there, eat wings, stare at tits, and listen to the show. Katie used to hang out in in a haunted house in Alaska, what made it scary was the home made preserves, papers, and a wig. Ghosts are famous for home made jams. Somehow or another, we got back into ayahuasca talk again, same shit. To do it or not to do it, yada, yada, yada. And it’s break time.

HATEBREED meets HATEBEAN!

Jamey Jasta of Hatebreed is in studio now, the last time Ellis and he saw each other, Ellis was in Jamey’s car getting ride, avoiding the rain and ghetto. That’s Jamey’s most recent, best night ever story he’s been telling everyone, how he and Ellis were in the same row as Howard Stern to see Metallica. Jamey has advice for Ellis not to say he’s second to Howard Stern because that will set a precedent for people to hate on, especially since he’s better than Howard Stern. Apparently Jamey knows people who aren’t into talk radio at all, but they’ve all heard of Jason Ellis. Another person he knows actually calls him up and pretends to be Ellis to make fun of him since he had never been on the show – until today. Jamey wants Ellis to get bigger so he has options in the future, like Jamey does with his podcast, his clothing line, his 5 other bands, etc. Jamey says he listens to the show a lot and it sounds to be true, he talks about how when he first joined Twitter and how many of fans of Ellis, EllisFam, & Red Dragons started following him and had theories on why Jamey had never been on the show as a guest before. Jamey referenced the show where Sebastian Bach came on the show and sang a Hatebreed song. He also gave Sebastian a shout out for getting Axl Rose to not kick Hatebreed out of backstage while he did some ritual shit or whatever. Jamey was doing some research and wonders how in the fuck they could have a Horse Force show without actually having a single Horse Force song online. He doesn’t realize that Horse Force is pretty much a one off and the real band behind it is Death! Death! Die! (minus Rawdog of course). He’s also unaware of HateBean, so his TJES fan status is starting to be questioned. Then we heard 4 songs, 3 of which where definitely turds, the last one was okay I guess.

And we’re back with The 7 Most Sexually Deviant Creatures in Folklore, go ahead, I know you want to click on that, I’ll wait for you. Some callers chimed in, one with advice (?) on a ayahuasca, kinda. Party. Total. Then some dude needs to draw some shit for some chick, and some chick wants her pussy licked but not really. You know, the normal calls. Some dude who totally is not gay in the least stalks Katie and thinks if he met her at a bar and took her back to his room and found out she had a dick, he’d suck on it and cup the balls. Hot toddy, Ellis and Tully don’t like them, but Katie does. Some dude is a little upset that dudes are hitting on his chick and I can’t tell if she’s reciprocating my advances or not, so I ask him and he gets all bent out of shape. Tully, Katie, and Tony Hawk are in a full on orgy right now, it’s making it hard to concentrate on the story this caller is totally making up. So that pretty much sums it all up. Now go kiss your mother while it’s raining shit, because that’s fucking beautiful. To twisted shit freaks.