Uhhhh nah na nah naaaaa! The first Friday recap of 2014! Hold onto your nipples because you’re about to take a wild ride through my mind. *Disclaimer, you must be at least this tall to ride. Tully thinks the 70’s were the worst decade ever and I agree. How could the 70’s be so awesome if I wasn’t there? Most likely you weren’t there either so I rest my case your honor. Ellis went to Dingo’s star studded birthday and hung out with Kellie Osborne and thought her knife cross necklace was cool be she came across as a bit of a bitch, and he also hung out with some rat pack dude. I think it was Sammy, Sammy’s a laid back cool ass morherfucker. He left right before Justin Beiber arrived and the party turned into a gigantic gay orgy. Also some cool skate dude thinks that Jason is a pretty cool skate dude, like Def Leppard, but with both arms. Speaking of only having one arm, Cumtard will be hiding at home this weekend instead of rockin his sweet doo. Ken Rockson is a name you should know, not only is he a German motocross machine but he also carries deadly weapons everywhere he goes cleverly disguised as his hands and feet! And if you are looking for more exciting moto information then here you go. It’s going to be in Phoenix. And when you’re in Phoenix buy Jude’s book, Hyena because it’s a great read and also get Onnit, it’s not a great read but your flabby ass will look better while reading Hyena by Rude Jude available at Amazon.com.
Austrian hazmat crews have to clean up dead bats in the streets in Australia because it’s really fucking hot there. I don’t know why Austrian crews are in Australia but who gives a fuck, it’s Friday. Sean Michael Hayes came in the studio and talked about the time he lived with Jason and Andrea and banged the wig off one of Andrea’s friends. He also told us about the girl that he choked unconscious and fucked. In his defense she told him, “choke me till I pass out.” Sounds legit to me. The real reason Sean came in wasn’t to tell us about all the girls he put his penis inside, he wrote a book, then put his penis in it. Apparently Sean wrote a bunch of books, some are tales of adventure, some are full of those rhyming words. I’m sure they are fantastic books and he was married to a Dutch girl for a year after knowing her for a month. I had no idea how to fit that in. Also I have no idea how to fit these in, Hagen Daz, wooden shoes, windmills, and dikes. So go to Canadianhayes.com or follow Sean Hayes on twitter at @CanadianHayes before he gets raped by a great white shark and sold in the black market underground to the Canadian sex circus as an elephant dildo.
We returned from the break with our favorite fish masturbating friend, the dolphin. Aside from the usual raping and masturbating news we learned today that dolphins also get high on puffer fish venom. The Jason Ellis Show is bringing back it’s signature segment, Unsigned Bands. If you are an unsigned band and are ready to move out of your moms basement, just send a mp3 to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Walt Disney wasn’t a racist, masoganist (I don’t know how to spell that, spelling is woman work anyway), or an anti-Semite and Maryl Streep is a lying bitch. He was pretty standard dude for his day. Even his cartoon that portrays Donald Duck as a Nazi is really a cartoon about how much Nazis suck. Besides, pinning Disney as the only racist cartoonist is segregation, and that’s racist because my Mexican Gardner told me. I think that’s what he told me, his English is shit. Heres the video of the top 10 most racist cartoon moments that Cumtard showed the guys. And heres the Donald Duck Nazi cartoon he found too.
A man in Iran has been awarded the grossest man ever award because he hasn’t showered for sixty years and smokes animal shit while roaming the desert. Congratulations to you sir. Christian James Hand, who has showered in the last 24 hours, brought in more isolated vocals. Today we listened to Glen Danzing, Fleetwood Mac, Burt McCracken, Phil Anselmo, Marvin Gaye, and James Hetfield. It was another home run and an awesome listening experience. I can’t wait for the next installment. Will burst in after the segment to explain the great Piolin catering mystery. It turns out that the host of the show buys food for everyone, everyday. Mystery solved thanks to Will “no mystery goes unsolved” Pendarvis. Ash is the cleanest product on earth because it doesn’t have magma puss balls of shit in it and fire is awesome. Just thought I’d throw that out there for you. We here at NoYouAre are dedicated to bringing you informative and educational information, like mixing hand sanitizer and orange juice can get you wasted but it’s gonna taste like shit and Vodka is easier. For the last bit of the show we listened to Jason go through the button bar and buried deep in the nether regions of this dark and swampy place were some sweet licks and stuff. Some shit we’ve heard and some shit that we haven’t. What do you want? Me to write every single one down for you? I’m not yer mum, and if I were I’d be far too busy trying to figure out if it burns when I pee because I have the clap or syphilis again, OH!