No Golden Globes? No problem! Have this instead.
Welcome to the 2nd Monday recap of The Jason Ellis Show for 2014! It’s already been a big day for some of us, because we congratulated @emilyinSD on her non-existent pregnancy! Chicks love that kind of stuff. Ellis is like a transcendental meteor in the media, but he’s over himself now. Kinda sad breaking news right from the get go, which required the legendary voice work of Wilson to give the show a breaking kinda sad news button. But I digress, it’s kinda sad breaking news time – Ellis now has allergies. Here at No You Are, our thoughts a prayers go out to Ellis and his loved ones, EllisFam, kids from around the world (except the sickly ones you see on TV), and the inventor the burrito vending machine. Ellis rode his kids’ crazy carts this weekend, Tully played in a bouncy house, and what did you do? Adult stuff? Gheeeey! Catching balls is hard, and that’s why the NFL exists, because they make catching balls look like it’s just a sport or something, it’s amazing. Speaking of amazing, Dwight Howard went hard in the mutha-fuckin’ paint against a child, and sometimes children need that shit just so they remember that their parents might love them, but that don’t make them jack shit in big kid world. Then we touched on The Golden Globes. I do not recap about The Golden Globes, so moving on… Ellis saw a bunch of movies over the past two weekends, like a whole lot – even 12 Years a Slave, and a movie about an old guy and a boat.
The only sport that needs less cocaine.
Pigeons, they’re everywhere, and the world of pigeon racing was recently rocked when competition homing pigeons testing positive for pain pills and cocaine. What are to tell our children when all their pigeon idols are hopped up on dope and appearing on boxes of Wheaties? This sounds like a job for the government, a group of trustworthy, unbiased minds really needs to get to the bottom of this. Guess what? It’s moto talk time, Cole Seely has been totally brain fucked, against his will, I think. Anyway, this reminded Tully of Chuck Knoblauch (knob lock) and he was in a mind fuck kind of state when he couldn’t throw a baseball for awhile. Knoblauch. He’s got the lock on the knob. Tickle time, Broc Tickle got 8th, which is in the top 10, but not the top 4, or 3, or 2. Chad Reed got Tickle timed because he came in 9th, and you just know that’s gotta put Reed in a mind fuck situation, but he’s a god damned champion and knows how to unfuck his mind. And with that, a final closing thought on sports. Cocaine needs to come back into sports, the proof is in the booger sugar pudding, it would make things so much more exciting. And how can you talk cocaine and not bring up the subject of titties? Sorry Aubrey, that’s the best segue I could muster at the time. No, we’re not talking about Aubrey Marcus’ titties, I guess we’re not talking about his girlfriend’s titties either. Yeah. We’re not talking about titties at all actually. We’re talking about a video of Whitney Miller preparing for combat and crying after she got choked out, it’s inspirational and you should watch it.
Remember when you were a kid and weren’t sure how to act?
This brought us into Tyler Posey. Who? Yes, THE Tyler Posey. But who is that? I don’t know, but apparently he smells terrific. Turns out he’s on an MTV show, Teen Wolf, and he wants to start a podcast to entertain people. I’ll have to admit, he sounds like a good kid, even though he doesn’t want to be part of the “teen” crowd any longer. He’s been disillusioned with Hollywood fame and doesn’t like how a lot of the actors / actresses are so pretentious, how they feel the world owes them something, etc. He’s thankful for what he’s got, the opportunities that he’s had, but he has aspirations to get tattoos and do radio – he wants to be Ellis. He wants to take over Rawdog’s spot, not only on the show, but in Death! Death! Die! as well. He was given the test a lot of celebrities get when they say they’re a huge fan of the show. Tully asked him, “We forgot to mention something we normally mention at the 2 o’clock hour, do you know what that is?” His answer, “Is it break time?” Ahhh, the laughs we shared. While he seems like a good kid, he is just that, a kid – as we all were once. He stuck around for the remainder of the show as Tully presented “Fill In The Blank News” to everyone. The rest of the show was spent talking to and about Tyler, the things he wants to do, who he wants to be when he grows up, the things he’s done, the inappropriate songs tween girls have sung to him, and his future possibilities. At one point, it sort of felt like you were listening to a podcast about a star on Nickelodeon, but whatever. It was better than hearing some dumb porn bimbo not have an opinion on anything other than the optimal place they would prefer to take a man’s load and then giggle with the most amazingly annoying voice you could imagine. While I wasn’t sure how in the blue fuck Tyler would be picked as a guest, once they started bantering ideas back and forth about a collaboration, I then understood. Ellis might see this as a chance to reach out to a demographic that he’s not currently known for hitting. I get it. It’s like the reason there is no black character in the game Clue, otherwise it just be called Solved. OH!
Oh, you find my jokes offensive?