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Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/3/2012

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Young Rawdog playing the role of “The Kid” in his remake of Purple Rain

New Death! Death! Die! song before the show started today, called “In The Water” and it was a stone cold gas, my grandchildren. Ellis is ready to get his kids some motorized shit, like maybe a little 50 cc bike or a quad or something, he just has to find massive helmets for their massive domes. He wants them to be around moto, the outdoors, life, fires, animals, and nature and shit. I’m pretty sure all parents want their kids to enjoy being active outside in one way or another, I mean, except Rawdog’s parents apparently – because he can’t ride a bike. It’s hip to be square cool to be gay, and now people are waiting to see when kids will start pretending to be gay because it’s so cool, even though they are not gay – like how suburban white kids try to act all ghetto and gangster. Hey, are you into moisturizer and tight jeans, are you a metrosexual? Are you sure you don’t just want to watch soap suds flowing through the crack of a dude’s ass? DING!

Double rainbows make Wolfknives cry

We got to hear some Conjoined Twins-tallica, Double Rainbow-tallica, and I’m Gonna Cut Off My Mother’s Tits-tallica today – the consensus was that the overall best one was Double Rainbow-tallica. You know what all that spawned? Half a metric fuck ton of calls with the same two useless comments about the double rainbow dude, as well as other calls from bitch-ass ass-bitches with similarly shitty-poop poop-shit comments. Everyone on the show has seen the movie Death Becomes Her, but only Rawdog saw it in a weird way, it’s just the way he watches things… weirdly. Tully thinks I should start keeping track of how many times Rawdog complains because apparently I have nothing better to do. And he’s mostly correct, the problem is that I can only count to #FuckTully HAHAHAA! I’m a slayer of things that I make up and find funny but nobody else does! It’s a gift.

Somebody will be going to hell for this one, and it could be you

Hey, lucky us, we missed NMT yesterday. And that luck got ran the fuck over with a dump truck full of cancer and AIDs (otherwise known as CAIDs) when we got NMT on the show today. Rawdog did however throw us all for loop when he first stated that he was going to play a new Tragically Hip song, and instead he finally played a song from Tully’s album, Retrofit. But don’t let that fool you, Rawdog still hates Tully, Ellis, Will, the show, fruit, and all of us.

An impressively racist Canadian Mountie called into the show to share his super secret information on how he tends to racially profile people because of their color. It shouldn’t have surprised anyone listening, but I like to pretend there’s at least 1 person living under a rock that had their mind blown. Everyone would like to start smoking weed legally, which is nothing new, people have wanted this freedom for a long time. Hopefully we get to see it legalized in our lifetime, but I’m not holding my breath. I don’t trust people in general, much less the gubment.

An offer went out to Rawdog from some dude that supposedly works in corporate for McDonald’s. He’s offering Rawdog 1 year’s worth of free McDonald’s to take the fleshlight picture we’ve all been looking forward to for 2 days. If anything is going to convince Rawdog, I assume it’s 365 McNugget combo meals. Keep your fingers crossed. Just so you know, you’ll have to uncross your fingers at some point, because how else are you going to ram your fist into your mom’s cavernous pussy when she’s horny and has no other takers? OH!

Mike Tully, Exposed!

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@bitPimps and @AZ_RedDragon get a chance to have a Q & A session with Michael Tully, who was smart enough to get into Oxford, yet New Jersey enough to work with fart jokes.

In an interview somewhere, it was written that you three don’t really have much in common and therefore don’t hang out much. Is that still or was it ever true? Have you all gotten closer and hang out more?
Five hours a day is plenty most days, plus emails, plus we do Death! Death! Die! together, make movies together, do website stuff together, etc. When we’re not working, we generally go our separate ways. That having been said, the experience and history of making the show together is a pretty strong bond.

Does your wife enjoy or share your sense of humor on the show? Does she ever listen to the show? And will we ever hear your wife as a quick guest on the show?
God bless her, she’s never listened for a second. I tell her the stuff that happens on air that I think she’ll find funny, but for the most part she’s far too cool to care about my job.

You have known Cullen for quite a while. Did you meet through work or were you friends before either of you started working in radio? Give the scoop the relationship between you two?
Bryan found an ad I placed in a music newspaper called the East Cost Rocker. It said (I kid you not) “14 year-old guitarist tired of the bullshit.” We were in bands together in our teens, then he got into radio and then helped me get started.

You like to cook. Some chef’s don’t like to reveal their secrets, but would you give us your recipe for your salsa?
Mexican is more my wife’s forte, so my salsa recipe is her salsa recipe. But sure: Grill red peppers until they’re pretty well charred, then chill. Remove the stem and guts and chop. Mix with chopped tomato, red onion, cilantro, kosher salt and one or two chopped chili peppers. I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but that’s the basic thrust of it. (The Mexicans have gotten an amazing amount of mileage out of six or seven basic ingredients.)

If you could go back in time, would you: A) Puke on Carson Daly’s dick, B) Kick DanOD5 out of EllisMania 8, C) Start punching Rawdog in the dick during his internship, or D) Not masturbate on that bus The Jingleberries keep reminding us about?
A-C don’t really move me. Masturbation has been very good to me in general, but if I had to pick, I’d go with D.

Whether joking or not, has your wife ever called you “Round Eye”, “8 Mile”, “Gai-ko”, or “Baijo”? And have you ever called her “Yoko”, “Bomb Watcher”, “Godzilla Snack”, or “Bukakke Warrior”?
I’m glad you asked me this, because I often feel like, when we mention my ‘Asian wife,’ some people are picturing a mail order bride. She’s from Japan, but she was raised in Milwaukee. (To reiterate, that’s her salsa recipe above.) At one point or another, I’ve called most of the women in my life ‘Yoko,’ but that’s never been a race-based thing.

During the Barefoot Adventures of Tully, what was the craziest thing that you have ever done or encountered?
In retrospect, riding the NYC subway was a pretty deranged thing to do.

Were you happy during your break from the show, or did you miss it?
You know how, when you finish high school, or college, or however far you go in school, you realize that your last summer vacation is the last extended time off you’ll have until you’re too old for it to matter? Yeah…..No, I did not mind having nowhere I needed to be for a year. And besides, there were always reasons for me to stop by the show.

What moment stands out to you the most during your time on The Jason Ellis Show?
Hard to pick a single one. When I go home tired from laughing, or when we’re in the zone for an extended period of time, that always feels good. I like it when we’re doing something that the three of us find funny that I know no other radio show would ever be doing. And I liked the time Slash and I bonded over using the same guitar picks (Tortex extra thick).

What is your favorite memory from any of the Ellismania events?
I would be lying if I did not say it was one of the times when a roomful of people were chanting my name. That’s not something I ever expected to happen, under any circumstances. The first couple Taintstick shows at Wasted Space had a great ‘Is this really happening?’ vibe to them.

Are you still writing screenplays in your spare time?
Yes. I don’t have much spare time but, now that my album is done, other than the show and the new D!D!D! album, I have something I’m really hoping to finish up (sports drama).

Your CD “Retrofit”, is it something you’ve always wanted to do, or something you did because you currently have the resources available? And why is Rawdog so jealous that he wouldn’t play it on New Music Tuesday?
More about the resources. I had a bunch of old semi-finished songs, and I realized there was no reason not to have recordings of them. I’m so glad I did that, and so thankful to Christian for helping make it so great. It’s funny and minutely endearing that Josh has so much integrity about NMT. I hope everyone can tell that I don’t actually care about his (admittedly hateful) snub.

Sophies choice, Jason or Josh. Josh is young with his entire life ahead of him but Jason has kids and a radio career on the rise, or do you scrap them both and start The Mike Tully Show?
I’m not sure I understand the question. If you’re saying we hypothetically have to remove one guy from the show, then I hypothetically start writing a glowing reference for Josh right now.

Is there anything else you would like to say, shoutout, plug, or just get off your chest?
Really just thanks. Between the last Ellismania and my album release, I’ve had a lot of contact with listeners recently, and a lot of reminders of how much I really like 90% of them.

THE END

Shout out to @possiblytully for taking the time to answer our questions and for all the laughs he gives us on the radio! He’s smarter than you and he has his own album on the charts, what do you got besides a whorish mother?
You can buy Tully’s new album “Retrofit” on Amazon or iTunes.
You can listen to & download the free tracks “Auto-da-Fe” and “Will a Blank” on Tully’s BandCamp page.

Related posts: The Musical Mind of Mike Tully, interviewed by Nate Phillips
2012: This Year In Tully Images

Show Re-cap For Thursday 8/30/2012

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I guess today is the second best thing to Friday, but it sure beats the hell out of Monday. Do you know who the coolest successful Asian dude is? I can’t really think of one, there

Coolest dude ever!

are successful Asians, and there are, well, there are successful Asians. Off the top of my head I cannot think of any that are really that cool, someone that I would be stoked to hang with. Rawdog thinks the dude from the Hangover is cool but that’s because its Rawdog and his thinking is less than cool at times. This started todays show theme of coolness, whos cool, how to be cool, and whats cool. Heres a guide, it has pictures. And no I didn’t read it, I’m already the coolest mother fucker writing this re-cap right now! The coolest god would probably be Buddah, he probably smokes and knows where to get great food. The coolest dude is probably Johnny Depp because bitches want to get all up on his shit. And the coolest dudes on Twitter are probably @bitPimps and @Mike_in_Canada. BitMike2012!

Chris Humphries might have given his alleged big gay baby herpes to some alleged massive slut allegedly. He denies giving it to her which only means one thing, big gay baby has herpes allegedly. Some 100 year old dude backed through a bunch of people and kids and sparked the conversation of what we should do with our creepy smelly elders? Some of the ideas were to use them as a food source, use them for energy, put them into a demolition derby because they already fuck the shit out of their cars now, and get them all hopped up on some good shit and drop them into a war to “take one for the team.” But no matter what we should truly cherish our elders because with out them we wouldn’t know…..hmm, I got nothing. Carry on.

Aaliyah Love was in the studio today and she is a porn star who was apart of the 3000 frames per second shoot for Ellismania.com and so she gets to plug her shit and we all get to sit back and wait until she’s gone. But being a good sport here is what they talked about, porn, boobs, cam girl, shaving, boobs, putting things in, snowballing, squirting, masturbation, shit, shitting while masturbating, masturbating with shit, you know, the usual stuff.

There will be a Town Hall Question something something with Tony Hawk and SiriusXM sometime soon after the Ellis Show, you should check your local listings because I can’t find shit, and honestly I didn’t look very hard. But check it out! Will came in with his earth shattering observation that he believs that Sunday Morning Coming Down is one of the greatest songs ever. I listen to country and it’s a good song, but not one of the greatest, shame on you Will. Whats up with Pussy Riot? If you care click the link, fuck, I didn’t know who they were until now, and I still don’t give a shit but there you go, thats the kind of awesome dude I am. Vince Vaughn will bitch out if Jack Nicholson enters the room, Christopher Walken is probably a really awesome dude to chill with, and in case you didn’t know, Christopher Walken got his hair style from yer mum, after she dropped her pants, OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 8/27/2012

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Well let’s food it up!

Okay, it’s Monday, and the bus just pulled up to take us all to Awesome World. I know after this weekend some of you have issues with buses now, but I assure you, this bus ride is much safer – and way less sexy. So hop your Puritan ass aboard and let’s get this mutha rolling, shall we? So today starts the breakfast of champions challenge that originally started out as a bet between Ellis and Rawdog, but has grown to now include Tully – who is upping the game by eating a portion of what both Ellis and Rawdog are eating. Just in case all of this is news to you, let’s review. Ellis made a menu of 3 meals for Rawdog to eat, Rawdog made a menu of 3 meals for Ellis to eat, and Tully will be eating his choice from both menus. Breakfast today started with Ellis having a McGriddle, Rawdog having oatmeal with dried berries, and Tully had a sausage, egg, & cheese McMuffin and oatmeal. For lunch, Rawdog had a green drink and an acai bowl, Ellis had a Baconator® (yea I put the registered mark there – problem?), fries, and a drink from Wendy’s, and Tully had a chicken sandwich combo meal from Burger King. Dinner for Ellis will be KFC’s chunky chicken pot pie combo that comes with mashed potatoes & gravy, a biscuit, and a drink, dinner for Rawdog will be fish & a kale salad, and I think Tully is having a burger for dinner.

What? Did you think they ate souls?

Trampolines turn kids into crack addicted cats on catnip, or something very similar to that anyway. Rawdog and his girlfriend went to the crumping district in San Diego and stayed at one of her friends’ place. At nighty-night time, they started making out and doing some hand puppetry on each other – and then abruptly stopped just before Rawdog was able to release the Kraken. Ellis ran into some celebrity over the weekend, but Tully’s story takes honors when he ran into Glenn Danzig shopping at the same Japanese grocery store he was at. He tried to be sly about the whole ordeal so as not to be “that guy”, after awhile of following, the hunter became the hunted as roles reversed and Danzig started following Tully. Like a true champ, he stood his ground and eventually got a picture of Danzig and his girlfriend stocking up on wassabi or some shit. It’s gotta be weird running into Danzig as you and he are both out running normal, everyday errands.

The originator of the “No you are” defense?

Lucky girls @FaceplantLauren and @Shanwize1 were guests on the show today and Shantanee made the courageous choice to tell us she likes Fiver Finger Death Punch. As bad as that may sound to some of you, just remember that Rawdog likes Reverse Milk Magnet – therefore one could pretty much like anything and be in the clear. It sounds like there’s going to be a “round 2” fight between the girls at the next Ellismania, this time it may be the “Humongous Drunk Bitch Fight” as it was revealed today that Shantanee and her corner man were both drunk during the fight – now that’s a party! Vince Neil went some place and then got mad at some body and he yelled and stuff. Pee Wee Herman is 60 today, which is crazy when I think about him jerking off and using his signature voice to dirty talk. Some “band” (read: Tia, Jay, Mike, & Tom) did a cover of Death! Death! Die! – Put Your Balls On It, @CobraTits tweeted the link but I accidentally got credit for the tweet by mistake. Now that the record is straight on that, I had to set the record straight on one more thing… When your mom came to me and asked me to call a repairman because the dishwasher was broken, I told her I didn’t need to call anyone and I abruptly punched her in de face. Dishwasher has worked ever since. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 8/16/2012

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I hear 90 is the new WTF

Good evening folks, hope you are all snuggled in by the fire with your hot coco and your snuggie. Oh wait, is summer, fuck that shit. I hope your naked in the pool, that’s more like it. Toady started off like a pyro in a fireworks shop, first they talked about dino on dino violence and how that shits uncool, but its a good thing they’re dead otherwise the violence would be out of control. Bam had Kat Von D on his show, if you heard it then you were the only one. Rawdog laid his man card on the table and told his girlfriend that the chaps are out and she hasn’t brought it up since. Jackie Stallone, Sylvester’s mom, is pretty hot for a 90 something broad. Don’t fucking cuss around your fucking kids otherwise the little shits will start talking like I fucking do. Chicks that fake orgasms are just ruining it for themselves, honestly, if your man can’t get you off, then he really doesn’t care to begin with. RawdiggidyDog doesn’t think that Cher is the ultra massive icon that she is, and instead of making the argument, I will just say that she is. It’s on the internet, that means it’s true.

In Drunk MMA Sasquatch News, Forrest Griffin will not retire from the MMA, at least not yet. There’s a kid in Texas that should be recruited by half the college football teams in the country right now. 12 year old Elijah Earnheartis 6’1″ and weighs 197lbs, he would

When is Sandra Bullock gonna get here?

dominate, at least until it was time for recess, but after that, WATCH OUT! Some jealous dude is suing Tommy Lee because he ripped of his idea for the upside down drums, but lets face it, only Tommy Lee could pull that off and this pud whacker is just jealous of his mad skills. Linden B Jhonson was the most Boss President ever, and some chick from some movie fucked the director and got canned from the sequal. Looks like its back to the casting couch for you!

The Church of Hayden has returned! That’s right ladies and fondlers, the number one famous celebrity and Emmy Award winning actor Thomas Hayden Church has arrived, again. Not only that but just before getting to the swinghouse, THC became the hero of one small throated man. This dude was choking on some pasta and like a hero, THC jumped in and gave him the Heimlich until the sweet sweet breath of life reentered his body. They also talked about movies, surfing, Marlon Brando, their Dads, and his new movie, Killer Joe, in a theater near you. If you missed the interview/guest appearance, our friend Cobra Tits has once again proven that he is the man, here’s the interview. At the end they played, Guess Who’s Nipple, and Josh lost. For losing Ellis got to pick someone out of his phone to text and as we hoped, Jason picked his girlfriend. Unfortunately they thought bitPimps suggestion was too mean (I will see you tomorrow, my girlfriend is being a bitch right now), and went with the confirmation that Josh WILL wear the “assless chaps.” I tried to get yer mum a pair of assless chaps once, but I felt bad after I found out how many cows they would have to kill to wrap them around her gigantic gelatinous thighs, OH!