Sometimes it’s the innocent looking ones you need to watch out for

I apologize in advance for what I’m about to do to you. Kickin’ it in the front seat, Sittin’ in the back seat, Gotta make my mind up, Which seat can I take? It’s Friday, Friday – Gotta get down on Friday! Okay, that’s far enough. It’s out of my system and will never come back to haunt you. Who will be taking Andy “Stay Duckin'” Bell’s place to fight Ellis? Gabe Ruediger (@GabeRuediger) will be, that’s who. This will be the third UFC fighter Ellis has gone up against and he says instead of just trying to survive like with the previous two UFC fighters he’s fought, he’ll be going for the win. Ellis is going to Miami next week, or two weeks from now, something like that. He’s going to be a judge at some Hooter’s Girls bikini contest, and I think he’s also going to try and party with Dexter. Ellis left the show for a few minutes to go take a shit and live tweeted, while taking said shit. Rawdog is going out on another date with the same chick he was recently making out with at the bar. She suggested go out dancing or stay home, eat mac-n-cheese, and watch Arrested Development. That sounds like she’s up for wearing shorts with no panties, sitting on the couch, and getting finger banged while Tobias Fünke wears the same short shorts as her.

I’m high as fuck man

Hey, some chick ate squid cum and had some squid babies all up in her mouth, yo. Yummy! If you eat seafood and/or sushi, you’ve probably eaten some cum too – or if you’re an asshole to your waiter, I guess there’s a good chance you’ve eaten sperm as well. Cumtard stopped by the show to get his mouthpiece for his fight at Ellismania and trash talk @shit_toboggan, which probably is only gonna make it hurt worse when he gets his ass handed to him. Speaking dicks (*cough*Cumtard*), you ever get nervous dick when you’re getting ready to bang a chick? That’s your body telling you to be weary, maybe she’s a massive hose beast, has STDs, or maybe you’re just a homosexual and with the wrong partner, I don’t know, I’m just sayin’. @FonzoBlunt showed up as well, he too had to get his mouthpiece all set – as you may have guessed, he was allegedly higher than bird pussy.

When I’m not busy being awesome, I’m busy being fucking kick ass

In “Women, am I right?” news, a fifteen year-old girl was unaware that the seventeen year-old boy that she met online and banged, was actually a twenty-four year-old woman. The old sea hag fucked her with a fake dick, through her zipper. Fuckin’ wang chung tonight! Some chick from my neck of the woods got caught shoplifting at a Walmart or some shit, they locked her in the bathroom until the cops got there, and by the time they did, she was up in that shit cooking up some meth. There was a ton more of stupid bitches and their stupid bitch stories, but I couldn’t possibly list them all. Ellis’ demeanor on the show changed in a heartbeat, he felt the show was “gay” and he wasn’t liking it. It’s supposed to be who gives a fuck Friday, but it seemed like he started giving a fuck immediately – it happened when he got a text about skrilla. THC called in to try and cheer up Ellis, he’s such a fucking cool dude, and he seems like he really cares. Props to that guy for being an awesome feller!

Your mom/dad is moist

Kids now-a-days, and around Rawdog’s age, don’t know what metal really is because they only got to experience bands like System of a Down and the like. One thing that bothered me about awards and all that shit back in the 80’s was they would put bands like Poison in a “best new metal” or “heavy metal” category. That’s just pure D bullshit, I remember thinking, “why the fuck isn’t Metallica or Slayer in there? Now that’s metal, not fucking Def Leppard!” Anyway, whatever, too bad for you youngin’s that get shit music these days. That about covers it for this re-cap, Happy Father’s Day to all you good dads out there, I hope you all have a great weekend and get a blowjob! You know your dad’s getting one, sure it’s from that stupid bitch with a bulbous baboon ass you call a mother, but at least she gobbles up the cock like a champion. OH!