Monthly Archives: January 2012

Show Re-cap For Thursday 1/26/2012

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DJ Cupcake was fired today, he was supposed to take Jason’s truck in for the 5th time – and I guess he didn’t. He has seemed to fail spectacularly quite often, so I think Ellis had enough and kicked him to the curb.

Ellis, Tully, and Rawdog did some live ad reads as if they were on terrestrial radio, which actually ended up being hilarious the longer they played into it. Some dude called up admitting to using Cougar Life and was going into details when suddenly “My girlfriends coming, I gotta go!” and hung up. Fuckin hilarious.

Cumfat Pube Eater Cumtard (@KevinKraftSucks) got punished again today. His crime: letting a fake caller through who zinged Ellis. His punishment: sitting on a make-shift toilet (5 gallon bucket with a toilet lid), pants down, with an aggressive snake in the bucket – while trying to solve a pubix pube (Rubix cube covered in his own pubes.) The next few minutes were radio gold as Cumtard screamed and pleaded for Schults (@donaldschultz) to get the second snake away from his penis. It really sounded like he might have been crying at this point. His attention quickly turned to the snake in the bucket when it started for his ass. Cumtard screamed as the snake was tossing his salad.

As much shit as everyone gives him, including myself at times (see the rage comic I made about Cumtard’s phone screening abilities), this fucking guy does some shit 95% of people would never do – all for the show and a chance to fit in. Gotta give that dude props for at least being a team player like a mofo.

Cumtard, as predicted, did not go back out with his old “fling” and it appears there may be no other future plans concerning the two of them. She said she was busy and asked for a rain check, which I think we can safely assume is a blow-off move. He’s not totally convinced yet, but that’s probably why he’ll keep getting strung along by this broad. We also find out that while in private retard school, Cumtard wrestled for the school.

Rawdog went out on a date as well, went for a move, and got shutdown. Rawdog met her at a cooking class, ate his veggies (which is amazing) and when it was time to leave, he walks his date to her car – went in for a kiss and got shot down in a blaze of glory. The consensus is that he needs to move on to another chick. Which reminds me, whatever happened to Burger Girl? She just disappeared and he never went to try and track her down?

Tully got called out on his New Years resolution of trying not to be late to the show, which of course he was late for the very next day – its kind of his signature move. Anyway, he had to get bitten by one of the snakes on the show today, he put on his man pants and the snake chowed down. I think that must be the first time Tully has ever been the subject in anything pain related on the show.

I think that about sums up today’s show. Let me know if I missed something. And that whole thing I keep saying about your mom on a daily basis? It’s all true.

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/25/2012

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@EllisMate was in a much better mood today, which means the show started off way better than yesterday. The first part of the show was spent talking about Gina Carano (@ginacarano) and her new movie.

Next up was talk about how Ellis thinks he may be un-date-able (I don’t think that’s even a word.) Tully was thinking about John Lennon in the shower, (yes I typed that totally out of context.) Then I had a meeting at work so I missed the next 20 minutes or so. FUCK! By the time I got back, they were talking about Ellis and what he might want for a vehicle. He seems to have a massive erection for Dodge.

Demi Moore is in the hospital or some shit, weening herself off young cock addiction. So of course the important discussion must be had – who’s she gonna rebound with? I think Seal was a front runner, but that’s gross to even think about so… moving on. Apparently Demi went out with her daughter Rumor, and danced on a table. Is she hot? Yes. Does she need a sandwich? Yes. Is she single? Yes.

Danny and the Dingo stopped in the show. Danny’s band “Techno Satan” got signed to a label, Banana Records maybe? That was pretty much all that came of that. It’s just Danny talking like Satan and asking questions while some music is playing in the background.

And… Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) finally got on Twitter (not that stupid bitch that pretended to be Nick Swardson) – so that’s awesome. Burt Bacharach (@hansauced), Stupid Tits, and Pineapple (all previous interns) stopped by the show and played a game. Stupid Tits didn’t disappoint – he was still horrible at impressions and games in general. He accidentally came up with some cool song names, such as “Stick Dick”. Even less of a surprise, Bacharach is still a total racist against white people.

No return date for Cumtard, he said maybe tonight, which I take to mean – not a chance in hell. According to Ellis, Cogdeath gets a chance to fight at EM8, he’ll be fighting Ellis. I’m thinking that will probably fizzle out, unless every celebrity bails on their fights.

And there you have it. If I missed something noteworthy, let me know in the comments. And as always, your dad said that your mother has a stinky box.

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 1/24/2012

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Welp.The show started off on a down note. Someone wasn’t thinking, made a mistake and sent Ellis a link that brought up some personal stuff. Clearly it upset him and gave the show a bad vibe in the beginning. That eventually turned around of course and the show continued as normal.

A highlight is some dude that owns a knife company (and a dildo company) called into the show and wants to sponsor Ellis. You read that right, knives and dildos. He said he saw some dude get stabbed 17 times and decided to open a knife store. Kind of sounds like the logic a serial killer might have. Allegedly.

Cumtard’s sort of date seemed to go okay, but was pretty uneventful. No finger banging or anything like that. Apparently they felt pretty awkward after the few details they revealed on yesterday’s show. When asked if they were going out for another date tonight, the response was something along the lines of (paraphrasing here): “Yea, maybe.” Doesn’t sound super promising, but hopefully it is. The guys told Cumtard to just buck up and go for it, take the reigns like a man and get what you want from SuckTard – but no rape.

There was talk about which pro (fake) wrestler you’d rather have sex with. Seems most of us prefer the WWF stars from the 1980’s. I didn’t get to listen to some of the show, work got in the way again. But the conversation turned to getting a pterodactyl from Woody Allen, Val Kilmer, and Jim Morrison. Personally, anything Woody Allen is like fucking around with nuclear waste – you just don’t want any part of that deal.

Some chick called in and her last boyfriend was a *gasp* cocksucker, so now she’s nervous and timid and doesn’t know how to get out of that funk. And as everybody knows, the answer is to get some dick in ya. I think the show ended on a good note and it was a good show, like always.

And I believe that’s about the gist of it. If I missed something noteworthy, by all means let me know in the comments. Oh yea, I almost forgot! I was told by unnamed sources that, indeed, you’re mother is a hooker. Allegedly. Just sayin’.

Show Re-cap For Monday 1/23/2012

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Dingo came in tired as shit after not sleeping for 3 days and you could tell he wasn’t his normal self. He sounded tired and lethargic, as you might expect after not sleeping for 3 days.

Apparently @possiblytully (maybe others) made a handful of cue cards for @TheDingoInSnow to use as responses to questions. He just sounded tired, uninterested, and even a bit sad the entire time. Hard to be up and at ’em when you haven’t slept and are probably past your 5th or 6th wind.

At any rate, I tried to help out Dingo by submitting #CueCardsForDingo and it slightly took off. Some were funnier than others. Dingo ended up falling asleep and Benji Madden (@benjaminmadden) came in as relief. It has been quite awhile since he was on the show, so it was refreshing and he actually participated with his own brand of humor that was pretty good. He teased Rawdog and gave him a bit of a hard time about past comments. He participated in “Tennis / Pump Grunts” – giving Rawdog cues on when and how much he should grunt if he were to have sex with a female tennis star – as if she were grunting like they do during a match.

An apparent old “fling” of Cumfat’s came on the show. She sang part of a tribute song to Chad Reed after he was named “fastest dude in moto” or something like that. She got grilled a bit. We found out some interesting details pertaining to her and Cumtard, as well as their previous and post relationships. It basically ended with them agreeing to go out (note: she never really said date, but everyone else did) and we’re left to see what happens.

That’s the gist of it. Well, that and your mom blew Wesley Snipes once.