It’s Friday and I’m shooting rainbow loads.
It’s Friday, and while nobody is supposed to be giving a fuck, Ellis gave a little bit of a fuck for a very short time because he said these little wedges that you put in women’s shoes is one of the greatest inventions. He’s thinking about making secret ones for men so they can secretly be tall. Rawdog admitted that when he was younger, he saw them in catalog once and wanted those things so he could be taller. Ellis bought Katie a new pair of kicks and posted the picture, which of course rallied up some people who thought the shoes were gay. Tully thought maybe Ellis should kick Will (Jizz Cult) in the shins, but it was settled that Ellis would kick him in the calf – and he did. There was some talk about Russia and iPhone 5’s, but I ain’t talking about no fucking iPhone anything, so fuck that shit right in the shit chute. Apparently Steve Harvey is blowing up right now, I don’t know how, or why, and I really don’t care about him or his big teeth.
Let’s see Skrillex take on this dynamic duo!
George St. Pierre was on Criss Angel’s Mindfreak show, warning: by watching this video of two douches, you may cause a rip in the space time continuum. Linsanity is in the 90th percentile for the size of his head, which makes him an ideal candidate for headbutt champion of California. Eva Longoria is opening “SHe”, a steakhouse geared towards women, complete with small plates, a catwalk, and I assume bowls full of tampons instead of after dinner mints. And that has to be the dumbest sentence I’ve ever typed. Male genitalia is smaller than it was 50 years ago, they say stress, smoking, alcohol intake, and fat-assery are to blame – but I blame Detroit. Where have the muscle cars of old gone? Everyone’s driving a fucking minivan, and as well all know, it makes your dick shrink to drive a minivan. LMFAO is breaking up, does that make you want to SHIT or what? Okay, yea, I’m pretty much or what too. But I do feel bad for my daughter and Rawdog, what are they going to party rock to now? Kato Kaelin now says he thinks OJ was guilty, though he has no proof, I’m guessing OJ must have kicked his ass to the curb or something for him to come and say reveal this shocking opinion.
There was a game today where the intern (“Lightening Train”) showed pictures of Will, Rawdog, Tully, and Ellis to some people and they had to try and guess what crime they might commit. It was actually kinda funny, so if you missed it, I feel bad for you son – I got 99 problems but a radio bit ain’t 1. Wow. I’m a total cracker. Hey, you wanna see a pair of boxers that some freak jizzed in for 7 years? I don’t know why, I don’t know how, all I know is that’s one hell of an accomplishment and dedication to the cum storage game. Cum storage – every time I say it, it makes me think of the last time I saw your mother. I went to my local bar and sat down for a drink. “Hey, bitPimps, haven’t seen you in a while. How have you been?” asked the bartender. “Not bad, today has been fantastic. I was walking down by the railroad tracks and there was this naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her took her back to my place and had incredible sex for hours. It was amazing.” I said. “Good for you, man, was she pretty?” asked the bartender. “I don’t know, I never found her head.” OH!
Your mom always knew how to twerk it on the hood of a hunk of shit.