Guess what day it is? Not Saturday, not Sunday, nope not even close. It’s Friday and it looks like some bad ass mother fucker managed to post this recap for you bitches on time! Go ahead and applause, I’ll wait. Ellis opened the show saying he needs a happier b side intro so when he’s feeling a little less murderey he can play it. Tully has a fucked up ligamental tendon in his dorsal elbowus armus majorus. That’s doctor talk for “yer arms

Dont poop dont poop dont poop dont poop

fucked up” and if he was a Viking he would be dead or hanging in the back with that one tarded guy that is always playing with the ants. They chatted about slow animals, duck dynasty, rich people in white clothes, and the Diarrhea game before Tully went on and on and on about basketball. Not that I’m not a fan of basketball but I’m not a fan of basketball, so fuck it. But the one thing I do know about basketball is that when LeBron is running down the court and his game is kinda short, diarrhea cha cha cha diarrhea. Ellis watched a movie where old ass Liam Nison kicked everybody’s ass in a totally believable wrist locking karate chopping movie. A woman in Florida was charged with firing an offensive missile into an automobile. It was an offensive bb missile but the best part of the story is her name, Crystal Methany. This got Tully and Jason talking about all the bad things about doing meth and coke and this led to the talk about the good things about coke, which let to them talking about E poopies. Everything makes a full circle eventually.

Three New York workers had to pray at work or they’ll get fired to the great god Onion Head. All hail Onion Head! Ellis, Tully, Kevin, and Hot Dog played a rousing game of everyone’s favorite, Shock Pictionary! Jason and Tully won the game but we all know the real winners were the listening audience, which means if you’re reading this because you missed the show then you’re a loser, loo-zer, la-hoo zah-her.

Harrison Ford got injured on set of the new Star Wars film. And with this late breaking news Christian “I Don’t Think My Names Long Enough To Be An Epic Radio Name” James Hand came in and told us how the full moon and alignment of the planets tonight are going to make the streets run red with blood of menstruating women and innocent men. He also brought more isolated tracks for everyone. We heard Van Halen with the breakdown of Hot For Teacher, then they had a short interruption on a little subject but they kept the conversation minimal, nothing big. Back to the tracks, They played a beautiful song by a chubby English girl whose name I don’t know. Then he played Aerosmith, whose names I know well. We heard Love In An Elevator and even without instruments that song rips it the fuck up! What else rips it the fuck up little 11 year old Michael Jackson who we heard next. Iron Maiden made a stellar appearance, not to be outdone Christian played Take On Me by Ah Ha, except they aren’t as good. And then the Chili Peppers. Not gonna lie, I’m sure this part of the recap sucks balls and is taking forever to get through even though this segment kicks ass so I’m gonna fast forward and…. Music break.

In Aubrey’s Corner we learned that it’s best to drink water, tea, or coffee. Your body knows you’re too slow to catch a buffalo so it makes you fatter. Fat is good unless it’s from fried shit. Butter and cheese is yummy but best if it’s from organic grass fed cows. Poop regularly, often, like two to three times a day! You also need to sweat, whether it’s in the gym, in the sauna, or to the oldies, it’s a good way for your body to detox and produce hormones and other important shit. Basically you don’t have to starve yourself, just eat smart, natural foods, and be active. Not hard people. Check out Onnit’s grocery guide for more help.

“If you like beer than have a fucking beer!” – Aubrey Marcus

They ended the show asking, “what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with your kid?” Probably the dumbest thing I ever did was when my second daughter was two she was standing up in her high chair and I told her to sit down so she just let her feet slip and fall onto her butt. Unfortunately when she landed she bit her tongue with her two front teeth almost all the way through. Blood was everywhere, she was crying, my wife wasn’t home and I was freaking out. After calming down I remembered that cold stuff helps stop bleeding so I gave her a tub of ice cream and a spoon. That was a pretty dumb thing but it doesn’t beat the dumbest thing your dad’s ever done, yer mum, OH!