Monthly Archives: October 2012

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/3/2012

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Young Rawdog playing the role of “The Kid” in his remake of Purple Rain

New Death! Death! Die! song before the show started today, called “In The Water” and it was a stone cold gas, my grandchildren. Ellis is ready to get his kids some motorized shit, like maybe a little 50 cc bike or a quad or something, he just has to find massive helmets for their massive domes. He wants them to be around moto, the outdoors, life, fires, animals, and nature and shit. I’m pretty sure all parents want their kids to enjoy being active outside in one way or another, I mean, except Rawdog’s parents apparently – because he can’t ride a bike. It’s hip to be square cool to be gay, and now people are waiting to see when kids will start pretending to be gay because it’s so cool, even though they are not gay – like how suburban white kids try to act all ghetto and gangster. Hey, are you into moisturizer and tight jeans, are you a metrosexual? Are you sure you don’t just want to watch soap suds flowing through the crack of a dude’s ass? DING!

Double rainbows make Wolfknives cry

We got to hear some Conjoined Twins-tallica, Double Rainbow-tallica, and I’m Gonna Cut Off My Mother’s Tits-tallica today – the consensus was that the overall best one was Double Rainbow-tallica. You know what all that spawned? Half a metric fuck ton of calls with the same two useless comments about the double rainbow dude, as well as other calls from bitch-ass ass-bitches with similarly shitty-poop poop-shit comments. Everyone on the show has seen the movie Death Becomes Her, but only Rawdog saw it in a weird way, it’s just the way he watches things… weirdly. Tully thinks I should start keeping track of how many times Rawdog complains because apparently I have nothing better to do. And he’s mostly correct, the problem is that I can only count to #FuckTully HAHAHAA! I’m a slayer of things that I make up and find funny but nobody else does! It’s a gift.

Somebody will be going to hell for this one, and it could be you

Hey, lucky us, we missed NMT yesterday. And that luck got ran the fuck over with a dump truck full of cancer and AIDs (otherwise known as CAIDs) when we got NMT on the show today. Rawdog did however throw us all for loop when he first stated that he was going to play a new Tragically Hip song, and instead he finally played a song from Tully’s album, Retrofit. But don’t let that fool you, Rawdog still hates Tully, Ellis, Will, the show, fruit, and all of us.

An impressively racist Canadian Mountie called into the show to share his super secret information on how he tends to racially profile people because of their color. It shouldn’t have surprised anyone listening, but I like to pretend there’s at least 1 person living under a rock that had their mind blown. Everyone would like to start smoking weed legally, which is nothing new, people have wanted this freedom for a long time. Hopefully we get to see it legalized in our lifetime, but I’m not holding my breath. I don’t trust people in general, much less the gubment.

An offer went out to Rawdog from some dude that supposedly works in corporate for McDonald’s. He’s offering Rawdog 1 year’s worth of free McDonald’s to take the fleshlight picture we’ve all been looking forward to for 2 days. If anything is going to convince Rawdog, I assume it’s 365 McNugget combo meals. Keep your fingers crossed. Just so you know, you’ll have to uncross your fingers at some point, because how else are you going to ram your fist into your mom’s cavernous pussy when she’s horny and has no other takers? OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/2/2012

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Hello my friends and thank you for joining me again. Ever wonder what God’s dick looks like? Me neither until Jason started talking about it today. What ever it looks like I’m sure it is shiny and can change shapes and sizes, you know, for her pleasure. Lightning Train got into an accident today. He’s okay and it wasn’t his fault, it was the woman’s fault. I’m not being sexist and blaming her because she is a woman, I’m blaming her because she is a woman and statistics show its her fault. Jason, Josh, and Will all have been in recent accidents caused by women, that is a lot of vagina wrecking cars. Rawdog explained his accident in detail where he described his reaction as being in “Matrix bullet time” which means he curled up in the fetal position and probably peed himself a little. Exciting news for the up and coming EllisMania 9, Travis Pastrana and Dave Mirra are going to fight each other! Both have told Ellis to hold them to this no matter what and I think that this is a fight that we all can count on. Street Bike Tommy wants to fight also and Andy Bell is offering to take his official position as the Card Girl. Fitting after he bitched out of the last fight. Baby, who doesn’t go to Vegas because his wife is having a baby?

Rude Jude was in today and was sporting a sick ass shirt according to Ellis. They talked about underwater boxing, surfer dick heads, helping the next generation skaters, a flying jet ski something or other, and Rawdog’s girlfriend. Everyone thinks that she should come in but the Dog doesn’t think that’s a good idea. What could go wrong, its just a little social gathering among friends, right? Maybe she really likes Gorgonzola Sauce on Pasta, maybe she likes watching hoarders, maybe she needs to be put into place. Which is what the guys brought up next, giving Josh relationship advise like foreplay is not always necessary and that he needs to show her who’s the boss!

A gym teacher is suing because a little shit head kicked his knee and the dude can’t whoop the little fucker to put his scrawny ass in place because of these “child abuse” laws. Maybe he needs counseling, maybe he needs to be scared straight, maybe his parents need a swift kick in the ass. There’s a lot of old people in government and soon those dudes will die and then a newer and fresher group of old dudes will be there that will be slightly cooler than the last. Uncle Mayhem is texting the boys and he “loves them more than vinyl!” Over and over and over again.

Kelly Shibari (@KellyShibari) came into the studio today. She is a porn star, but she isn’t the typical porn girl that most would think of. She is a plus size girl and gets tied up and all kinds of crazy shit. She likes her fans and has even done some scenes with a few. She likes oral, choking, face fucking, Rammstein, spring mornings, camp fires, and merkins. You can find her at (insert social media page)KellyShibari and at paddedkink.com.

hahahahahaha, I still cant stop giggling at this!

If you were wondering what scientists were doing with all that research money they get, well breaking news, they’re digging a fucking hole to see whats at the bottom. Final calls were brief, for me at least, my player fucked up and when I returned Tony’s show was on, but this is how I imagined they went. “Hey I want to ask Ellis something” “Hey what hello am I on the air/” “Lets go Marlins” “Fuck Tully” “Is it supposed to burn when I pee?” There was no New Music Tuesday also, and this made me happier than yer mum with a bag of dicks and a bucket of Vaseline, OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 10/1/2012

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Rawdog’s general message to everyone during the weekends

It’s fucking October already? Next think you know, it’ll still be October – freaky, right? First up on the show today was Dingo, sans Momma Dingo, he was a few minutes late because he was busy creeping on the casting line-up for the hot chick agency next door. Sounds like he’s got an ingrown toenail growing, aka hammer time, which sucks. Ellis has a bunch of video and pictures to put up on EllisMania.com from his pool party, he just has to review it all before it starts going up. He had to kick some sky diver dude out of the party for being a dick side burn. He also might have broke his toe or something while he was trying a Triple Lindy, made famous by Thornton Melon. Rawdog was there, he got really high and forgot to send Dingo an iPhone recording of the Big Fucking Mega Boat movie that was screened at the pool party – which really means that he hates Dingo. Tully, the only clear thinking adult there, gave Ellis a record player and records as a housewarming gift.

Rawdog’s most likely candidate for his horse

Hey, Tully has a disease, it’s called Dupuytren’s Disease! Chalk that one up as something else Tully has and you don’t. The guys started planning to go on a horse ride, but alas, they have no rope – so now they’re planning on taking a boat ride. Speaking of boats, Dingo’s conspiracy theory is that the Titanic never sank, it was actually another boat that sank and was all about an insurance scam. Take that James Cameron! Everything is being automated these days, and sometimes that shit is awesome and sometimes it is not. There you go, solid, opinionated reporting is what we do here. Some dude that works at Avon Chateau Lake Louise wants Ellis and everyone to come up and do a show for all 6 of the oil sands workers up in Alberta. What is it with callers saying “I’m the guy in (insert state / province here), like Ellis is going to say, “oh yeah! Fuck, it’s been so long, how have you been?” What’s the deal with that, huh?

Your mom has shit in her coochie

Drew Barrymore shat out a child, Olive, with some art consultant dude. And just for the record, if Tully and his wife ever have a female child, it too will be named Olive. And they totally stole that idea from Drew, because they’re massive Drew Barrymore fans. Junk food eating game today, the guys can see what they’re eating (burgers, fries, & nuggets), but have no idea where it’s from, and they have to describe and rate it as they eat it – and then guess where it’s from. Cumtard came in with the results, sounds like Jack In The Box won the taste test, minus their nuggets that smelled like dirty socks. Staying true to form, Rawdog now hates everyone that has anything to do with the show because he likes a Paul F. Tompkins podcast way, way, better. Some Valerie chick who I assume is Ellis’ publicist popped on the show for a few minutes, she sounds like a pretty cool chick and surprise, I want to see her boobs and it sounds like Ellis wants to bone her. Two weeks from now, the show will be on vacation for 1 week, so don’t be surprised when you hear replays of the show in two weeks. Also, don’t be surprised if you start seeing wads of bloody toilet paper strewn about the house, instead of your typical feminine hygiene products, your mom has been stuffing her twat with toilet paper while she’s on her period. OH!

EllisFam Interviews

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I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

Erika Ashley (@Erika_Ash)

  1. Where do you live? Scottsdale, Arizona
  2. What is your occupation? I’ve had a job in almost every industry, right now I am a bartender and server
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I try to love life and take every opportunity handed to me because I never know if it will present itself again. I work hard and play hard. I love the Ellisfam and the amazing people I have been lucky enough to meet through it. The opportunities I’ve had from the Jason Ellis show have been a blessing and my life would not be the same with out them.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? since ’07 or ’08. I was at Ellismania 3 in fortunes gym where the max capacity was 50 people. So amazing to see how far the guys have come.
  5. How did you discover TJES? Scott Green convinced me to listen once BTLS signed his BS contract. I was  hooked from the that show on.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? Several things. That way I know what is going on at each Ellismania and to keep up on the fam, the crazy antics, and I love that everyone from the show gives their real life experiences and struggles, that makes it so relatable and a sense of not being so alone in any one bumpy road in life.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted your life in any way? How? The show has given me amazing opportunities and experiences and has given me friends I wouldn’t trade the world for.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? I hope to have at least one more “hot chick” fight for the hall of fame Ellismania! Harden the fuck up and red dragons! We are Ellisfam for life! xoxo

 

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.