Turning women into Wooderson
Hi everybody, it’s Monday. What did you all do over the weekend? Me? I practiced my sultry writing skills a la Fifty Shades style, here’s a sample: After having my gaping clam cavern fucked, he then proceeded to fuck my soft & tight turd-herder. The unrelenting orgasms from him slamming my smush mitten made me come so hard, I began sweating like a whore in church. The thrusting makes me spray my clunge gunge all over his piss pipe. By now, my cod cave was trembling like a tasered slab of chopped liver. So what do you think? Pretty hot, right? That’s the type of shit that will leave a girls axe gash oozing like a broken freezer. Anyway, on with the show… Ellis needs an backiotomy from his achy breaky back, and if you’re familiar with back pain, it sucks the balls of serial rapist baby killers. Also, he and Rawdog did some “work” this weekend, meaning they got to film naked chicks with a high speed camera.
The reverse Gobstopper effect causes kidney stones
Hey guess what? You know that “Goth Club” that Rawdog’s girlfriend wanted him to go to? Yea, it was a gay club. Whoops. Honest mistake on her part I’m sure, I mean especially considering that she also snowballed him and wanted him to wear assless chaps to this “Goth Club”. Super health nut, Rawdog, got some more kidney stones over the weekend – because he’s so healthy and shit. He drove himself to the hospital, had enough pain that he started puking, so they gave him some morphine and some percocets so he could manage and wizz those stones out. Of course, Rawdog believes this all came about again because it’s been a little hot out and he’s been slacking on drinking lemonade, not because of his diet. He’ll fight for McNuggets and against a fucking bite of fruit until his death.
Oh sa-nap
Security guards and women, am I right? Of course I am! Insert all your own stories about either of those groups, there are plenty to go around. Some security guard had to call the real cops for some reason or another and more teachers are banging more students – now in groups! That’s hot. There was only one single story I can remember going around during my time in school, which is not hot. Speaking of which, a roofie story from back in the day, Ellis went to this house where he used to get weed. He was drinking, these young girls wanted to do things with him, he said no – thinks he got roofied and passed out only to wake up in a bedroom with both of them on him. Yay for rape! Would you rather be 10 feet tall or 1 foot tall for the rest of your life? This is just one example of the problems facing our nation today – nobody has a really good answer for that one. There is an answer however as to how your mother can tell all her children apart even though you all have the same first name. You all have different last names. OH!
No better feeling