We made it! It’s Friday! But yet a lot of us still want to kill people today, what the fuck is it with today? I don’t know, all I know is I’ll piss in today’s asshole if it fucks with me anymore. Ellis popped a rib out or some shit when he was sparring with Babalu Sobral, I suppose you run the risk of those kinds of things happening when you’re fucking around with tough motherfuckers. The logical thing to do was let Dr. Rawdog try and stand on Ellis to pop the rib back in, turns out 120 pounds of chicken nuggets aren’t enough to pop a rib back into place. Enter Dr. Tully, he took his turn with as much luck as Dr. Rawdog, so they called another professional, Dr. Shoebox – and viola! Ribbie popped back into place and role credits, then a sneak peek and next weeks episode of House, MD.

Some chick that had won a @HardLuckKings guitar off the show called in, she used to dabble in the prostitution game, but now she just drives herself to a “weekly appointment” she has, and jerks off her boyfriend while she drives. What a fuckin’ champ! Some other girl called in asking if she was a slut because she let’s her girlfriend finger her while she plays Mario Kart. I don’t think an answer was ever given because apparently along with fingers in her pussy, she also has fingers in her ears – because she couldn’t hear for shit. Some dude called in and said he used a fucking laser pointer to burn off a genital wart! There can’t be much brains involved in that operation, I’d be goddamned if I’m letting a laser pointer near my nuts if it’s powerful enough to burn through skin.

Rawdog brought in some food and beverages purchased from a 99 cent store and the guys tried the smorgasbord of failure. Some of the names were just as fantastic as you would think, there were too many for me to list, but a couple of my favorite product names were “Mrs Freshley’s” and “Salsaghetti”. Did I ever tell you the true story on how your mom started hooking? No? Well I was there to witness it, so let me tell you how it all started. Back when your mom and dad were still married and down on their luck, they decided to make a few extra bucks by having your mom work the corner. After the first day your dad picks her up and asks “how did you do?”. She said, “I did pretty well, I made $200.50”. Your dad asked, “What asshole gave you 50 cents?” and she replied “all of them”. OH!