Hola and welcome to the almost recap of Wednesday’s show. I say almost because I almost caught all of the show and I almost gave a fuck about it. My boss dropped in today and held me up for the first hour, so I couldn’t pop on and pause my online player. And even if I did, it’s not like the SiriusXM player would have held that place anyway, and of course it’s not up on demand yet. Stay tuned for the rest of this recap to see if it loads while I’m writing it, because I’m sure as hell not coming back to this and editing it. That’s how you hook an audience, folks.

Christian Hand is in studio today to provide a break from the Jason and Tully agree with each other show. When I came into the show, Tully was breaking down the guests for the rest of the week: Frank Decaro, Chanel West Coast, Mark McGrath and Tara Bieleu will all be on the show tomorrow. Sounds like a solid show, should be plenty of McGrath taunting coming from Tully and Tara should receive a lot of creepy compliments from Jason. On Friday, Aubrey Marcus from Onnit will be on the show. Jason wants to get Fat Shit Fuck Ass Whore Sam Rubin into shape because he is such a fat fucking sack of shit, and he thinks Onnit can help. $10 says Sam will grab his kneepads and bib and gobble up whatever Jason spoon feeds him. Cumtard and Jetta need to start taking Alpha Brain because they forget shit more than the brain damaged host of the show. They could crush up the pills and snort them and then they would be buzzing all around the green room getting stuff done and mailing out packages from the prize chamber for once. Jetta continues to not have an ass. Like, nothing at all. Just back to hamstring to calves and floor. It’s ok though, because when he gets old he will be the guy that gravity just pulls everything to his ass, and his pant size will be 44×30.

Ellis used to be a handsome, like lady killer with long blonde hair handsome. Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall (That was Brad Pitt right?) had nothing on this guy. And he smashed a lot of box and howled into asses. His mom sent him a picture of him when he was really young and it made him reflect on just how chewed up he has gotten in his old age. But hey, they are the chewed up lines of life, son! Tully used to use the “the universe is so massive and we found each other right here, right now. In this moment out of all of the possible moments that could have happened, we are standing an inch away from each other and we can take advantage of that and….” blah blah suckONMUCHDICK same line every 18-22 year old horny dude has used on an appropriately inebriated lady at a bar. He also was the poon God of Oxford going Americans because he scored a frizzy haired ugly British slut. Christian Hand learned how to perform cunnilingus from a lesbian who used him for orgasms every now and again.

Speaking of Australia, Andrew Gaze……

Jason went on a rant about this dude, apparently he is the Taylor Hicks of Australian basketball, who went to play in the NBA and sat on the bench. The team he did go sit on the bench for, was the San Antonio Spurs and now he has a Championship ring. Now he wanks on around Australia like a NBA star, and he is nothing more than Steve Kerr without basketball skill. I could never in a million years do the rant that Jason did on this guy justice, so catch that on demand.

RAPID FIRE:

• Everyone should vote every year on who should be executed within the population, and the bottom 1% gets killed. Tully doesn’t think it will last long because people will feel bad when they watch Geraldo Rivera die. I would only feel bad I could only do it once.
• Cry Sex is either super hot or super lame depending on the weirdness of your boner.
• Statutory rape is super cool at the time, but has lasting effects on dudes. If you Statutory rape a young man, you are mistreating a future young lady that that dude is gonna fuck over.
• Starting to smoke at 80 is a good idea because it will make you smell better, and fuck it, why not?
• I’m now listening to the start of the show. RAPID FIRE MORE MORE MORE
• Ellis is going to interview Tom Green’s car!
• Sam Rubin has a fat neck and Ellis is going to use people he knows to get more famouser.
• Ellis keeps going to that weird handjob lady’s mini mart. She won’t give him handjobs, but she is still weird.

Christian came in with another music segment, and let me just say this: I am really starting to like these bits that Christian comes in with. Something about sitting and listening to random bits of good music and everyone being happy just kicks ass compared to listening to shitty music and everyone being angry. This week, we had a Grammy treat, which is no longer topical because Christian had AIDS last week and couldn’t come in. CJH pulled the results of the 1980, 1981 and 1982 Grammy’s and we all reflected on the winners, and how the awards are basically the music industry wanking off the people who play their game and make them money. The main thing I took away from the winners, was that Pat Benatar was the golden goose of the day. And the Commodores were fucking morons for not letting Lionel Richie sing that sweet shit all the way to the bank. Another thing I learned was that the early 80’s Michael McDonald and Christopher Cross were big enough to win the best vocal and best album. I’d like to say something super snarky here, but just last week, Macklemore won for best hip hop album, and he is a weepy human bag of meh. Jesus Christ guys, I actually listed all of the winners here. But I’m just gonna post a picture of my notes instead.

We’ve arrived to a very serious part of the show, and I have to do it justice by presenting it as such. I’m not sure how the case came to Jason’s attention, but here it is. A Kentucky Police officer named Jason Ellis was killed back in May of 2013 when someone blockaded an exit and then ambushed him when he investigated. There is a video on the end of that link, but if you have any information regarding the incident, call (270)766-5078 or 1-800-222-5555 or email at EllisCaseTips@Ky.gov .

LET’S FINISH THIS OFF WITH RAPID FIRE UP UP UP!

• An Irish kid played a prank on his dad by telling him he failed his driving test when he really didn’t. looking back, this wasn’t worth a note.
• Straight edge is starting to like the show. he is PursuitofCrappiness on instagram.
• Kevin and Christian ate dog treats and human treats and some were good while others were bad.
• Cumtard is super shallow for an ugly little puff ball with stupid hair and shit for brains. I love you Kevin.
• Jason will be signing books at the Huntington Beach Barnes and Noble on Feb. 21st, and Feb. 22nd at 2pm in the Barnes and Noble in Rancho Cucamunga.
• @RadioJetta who looks like a strange mix of Thom Yorke of Radiohead and Chris Martin of Coldplay says 90% of the people who listen to the Jason Ellis show are morons. Let me remind you all, he is the one who screens the calls, so let’s either prove him right or wrong by screaming obscenities at him for 4 hours a day.

That’s all I got. I gotta go to sleep. Peace Bitches.