Welcome back! And we’re outta here! How many of those could you pull off before everyone got fed up with that? So, everyone’s back after the long Thanksgiving holiday. Dingo is busy at the news desk, prepping some UFC news for the show. Andrew The Giant is busy in the greenroom, eating food after raping and pillaging over the the holidays. Dingo says $1.00 gold American coins are coming back in a big way, because his French buddy got some in change or something. Dingo has been hiding how deep his friendship runs with Kelly Osbourne, not because he’s ashamed, but because he just doesn’t talk about how their besties. Kelly and Dingo think Ellis is a lot like Ozzy, except you can understand what Ellis is saying. Ellis scared the shit out of Katie and injured her while out in the desert with that big god damned bus Ellis rented. He didn’t hurt her with the big god damned bus, he shit whipped her and himself by bottoming out in the dune buggy. She didn’t want to get in the buggy with him at all for the rest of the week and her back was roached the next day. Kelly rode with Ellis when Katie wouldn’t, and eventually she stopped riding with Ellis as well, now Katie and Kelly are riding with other people and Ellis is by himself, nobody wants to get in a buggy he’s piloting. He didn’t yardsale, but he did fuck up a tire pretty good and got to watch somebody MacGyver a tire back onto the rim. Some chick was there on a first date with a guy she met on Faceborg. Yup, she was there 30 minutes before she crashed and lost a couple fingers! That’s gotta be rough when saying goodbye to your diddle digits. Ellis saw Dan Bilzerian, but he stayed away from him, they both looked at each other, but they didn’t say “hi.” He did however say “hi” to BJ Baldwin quite a bit, hanging with Ballistic BJ was an experience, apparently he’s a rock god in the desert. While piloting this big god damned bus home from Glamis while Katie & Kelly were busy sleeping, Ellis had an idea. He wants to make ripoff Ken Block videos and he has ideas on what he could do, he was like the 17th person in the world to do a loop on a skateboard, dammit! Dingo was in Oregon Washington for Thanksgiving. Somewhere in the North East. Tully watched a Thanksgiving Parade and a wholesome time. Mickey Rourke had a fight with a mentally ill man, which is fine because Mickey Rourke is retarded too.
A bunch of South Korean women are getting pubic hair transplants because they just can’t grow pubes. What is wrong with this chicks? Why is pubic hair making a come back? Stop that shit. Perfect segue into today’s first guest, Robbie Lawler! He talked about his second run currently in the UFC, but nothing was mentioned about his pubic hair situation – which is probably a good thing. Cumtard went to smoke a bowl while driving and blindly reached in his bag for his bowl and he felt something hairy. He rolled it around in his hand and his hand started hurting. He was fondling a bee. True story, bro. While at Thanksgiving dinner, he saw green beans sticking out of the garbage disposal and went to push it down with his hands and started getting shocked. He was being electrocuted by the garbage disposal. So his grandma tried, and she didn’t go into cardiac arrest, but her nipples did perk up while she too got electrocuted. I like to picture the entire Cumtard family taking turns reaching in to the garbage disposal and each of them reporting the same issue, “I just got shocked.” Then the next Cumtard family member, “No way, let me try. Ouch. Yup, I just got shocked.” and the line just keeps going until everyone has pissed their pants. Story time over, now it’s time for Cumtard and Will test out some shin guards and try to kick each other. Cumtard threw out some whimpering kicks that amounted to Kleenex falling on the ground and Will swung some thunderous kicks to Cumtard’s ass.
Time for a Japanese type Etsy game, suggested by Betsy, only it’s not Etsy, it’s like Etsy, but not made from garbage around some nude person’s house – and the products are from Japan. Products include nose pointy maker thing, pixelated nipple cream, a vase to hold your angry shouts, a remote controlled shitter, and more zany products only explainable in Japan. Apparently Tara Reid posted an a picture on her Instagram that got people talking about how bad she looks. TMZ caught up with her and she sounded fucked up. From the news desk of Dingo, she’s drunk as shit and isn’t eating, just slamming the booze. Betsy came up with another idea, a Wolfknives Christmas card of sorts, which might end up being a picture of a ball bag Christmas tree. The guys played the audio track I edited up of Hotdog’s gay phone sexcapades, you can hear that in the Hotdoggie Goes To Hollywood – Relax post. The Reverse Awards are coming up! Some past favorites include: Man & woman of the year, smallest butthole, best musical act of the year, least punchable face, the “she’s still got it” award, etc. So start racking your brains for some good reverse awards nominees and categories. The Wheel of Doom needs updating. But first, Mr. Fart On Demand Hotdog has to get kicked in the stomach to try and release his fart. Turns out, it’s not a fart, it’s a poop. And it’s knocking at the back door. Cumtard nor Dingo could kick a fart of out the chamber, so Ellis took matters into his own hands and started kneeing him in the stomach. Lots of giggles came from Hotdog, but still no farts. Speaking of Thanksgiving, how many bitches were force fed Will’s “home made stuffing?” Sounds like maybe only two bitches got fucked by Will, which is still a good number. Thanksgiving is typically spent with family and not much fucking, at least in households other than the Chateau Pendarvis. A quick update, still not farts from Hotdog, but we did hear a loaf being baked in his oven as he strained to force out a fart. And there you have it. An after fartsgiving show and recap to brighten up your Monday! Be on the lookout for NYA’s interview with the man himself, Jason Ellis, which should be coming soon!