Ah, Monday reader. We meet again. I know why most of you are here today, you’re wondering about Rawdog. So let’s just hurry up and get that out of the way, shall we? He’s gone. Ellis does not want to talk about it, he doesn’t want to take any calls about it, he said it twice on EllisMania.com and that’s all he wants to do. Finally, in the last hour of the show, Ellis addressed it 1 time and 1 time only. Ellis, Tully, & Will all agree that Josh no longer wants to be the person he was or do the stuff he was hired to do. Therefore he quit (took a leave of absence.) and they wish him all the best. Ellis isn’t happy about it, but the show must go on. So… welcome to December. America, how was Thanksgiving? Canada, how was work? New music (kinda) to start the show today, Big Fucking Mega Boat Theme, and then the old intro, which I’m sure Ellis was super happy about. Ellis had a dream that he got cancer and had only 30 days to live. But this isn’t Nightmare On Elm Street, so it’s just a dream. This shouldn’t be surprising to any of us, but Dingo knows quite a fucking lot about Matthew McConaughey and his personal activities with home improvements and such. There was talk about the movie Dallas Buyer’s Club, hence the 30 days to live dream and McConaughey talk. Why don’t musicals make it clear that the movie is going to be a musical? Ellis took his kids to a movie and asked his daughter what she thought about the movie. She replied with “it was okay, too much singing.” See Hollywood? Cut this shit out. Nobody likes your new musical movies, this isn’t 1921. Just stop it. Ellis also took his kids to go ride moto over the weekend and it sounds like all of them had a really fun time, even Snook. Except for the 6 hour drive there. And except for the part where the track was closed for 2 hours. And the part where some bitch at Zaca Station Mx stepped on his dog and told him to get lost. And some dude that insulted his son and called his ex-wife a name. But whatever, emu farm! Wait. No. Fuck that shit. Kids fighting. Ex is pushing buttons. 6 hours worth of driving back with not enough moto. And then Big Daddy Jayce Cakes lost it. Snooks crying, Daddy is crying. And after a long weekend of so much awesome, and then to have it all come crashing down at the end, it’s tough not to break down a little. But such is life.
Hey, have you heard about Amazon’s Prime Drone Delivery? Yeah, well, it ain’t happening anytime soon. Speaking something not coming anytime soon, Cumtard is in studio now to play some Ellis Jeopardy. If you’ve been keeping track, the reigning champion is also the score keeper, Tully – and don’t you dare dispute that. Unless you say Dingo of course. He knows everything about everyone. Amazon? Yeah, they had a meeting with Dingo about their Drone, because Dingo is a drone expert. Video games? Who ya gonna call? Dingo. Call of Duty was modeled after Dingo’s life, kind of. McDonald’s? They meet with Dingo to figure out when to bring the McRib back. The show Entourage? Yeah, he wrote it first. Since Dingo knows everything and everyone, it’s only fair that he had to wear the shock collar for the last few questions, which really bummed him out. Actually, he just completely shut down and wouldn’t talk any longer until the shock collar was removed and then BAM! Dingo all back in yo’ face, son! He got mad again when other’s were talking over him and his fascinating Perez Hilton story. Things were getting back to normal when suddenly we heard intensity in ten cities, not the song, but the kind we’ve heard recently between Ellis and Rawdog. This time it was between Ellis and Dingo. Dingo looked at his phone and wasn’t paying attention while Ellis was talking to him. They had a short, small dispute and then things calmed back down and that was the end of Ellis Jeopardy.
Hey, Death! Death! Die! is the #1 metal album in Canada and #1 metal album in America, making it the #1 metal album in the world. Now punch yourself in the dick and know that it’s also the #1 rock album in Canada. No rub your dick until you have some pre-cum and then stop. Now you have blue balls on two different levels. Dr. Drew’s people reached out to Ellis about being on his TV show again, but he won’t be TUF because fuck all that shit, it looks like it hurts! Apparently people are still talking trash on some other people on TV. No, really. Crazy, right? I didn’t get to see a single fucking anything, Happy Thanksgiving long weekend to me, right? Wah. Sounds like Chris Holdsworth won his fight. People are mad at Diaz and Rousey, I guess for not saying something entertaining, not being nice, or some shit like that. Hey, you that guy that goes to the club or the bar and flirts with every chick until you lure a size 14 chick with nice skin into your van? If so, you’re “that creepy guy” other people are snickering at. But if you do that shit online, nobody knows exactly how creepy you are. So get with the times man! Use the Internet. Get that skin suit made! Morph into the beautiful butterfly you’ve been seeing yourself as! Allegedly, of course. Pendarvis’ brother will be on Adventure Time tonight, an episode he wrote and he plays the main character. So be sure to check that and then be really mean to him because that’s what he thrives on. Just kidding. There is a show. He does have a brother. But he probably wouldn’t appreciate you being mean to him. That’s not how you were raised. Most likely. And that pretty much wraps it up. So what’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis. OH!