Happy New Year Bitches!
Its’ been a long time, we shouldn’ta left you, without a dope recap to step to. But their fucking best of’s, and we got shit to do. Today was live though, first of the year, and started with the reminiscing of that time Ellis got that one chic to put a phone in another girls ass, and called in on the air, and he thanked his mom. Its shit like that he does to help the world, so EllisFam like you and i don’t get all pissed off with the morons living amongst us. So the next time some idiot cuts you off in traffic, and fucks your lady, you can thank Ellis for not getting so pissed. So what happened over the break for the fellas? Rawdog didn’t get laid, but did go to some formal party with Bentley and did get to jerk off his roommate when the ball(s) dropped. Tully got all spur of the moment n shit and took his wife n kid to Palm Springs so he could hang at a gay bar. Ellis took his kids n lady to Mammoth Mountain, got ’em ski lessons n shit, and told Katie to Harden The Fuck Up for all the wrong reasons. Thank god Jude showed up to spare us the drama and instead bring us stories of babies painting playpens in shit. Jude also got the recap of the Reckoning from Rawdog, who is now a real man, taking that dick like he did, and is ready for a kick ass 2013, you go girl! OH, and whats a new years break without movies? Ellis saw Jack Reacher said its was pretty fucking good. Tully saw Ted and also said it was pretty fucking good. Rawdog saw Django Unchained, also saying its was pretty fucking good. Jude on the other hand, saw Django Unchained as well, but in a black neighborhood, and its was not a pretty fucking good idea, but the movie was kinda sweet. And everyone should see Killer Joe cause Thomas Hayden Church is the fucking man and you can suck it!
Couldnt find a naked one armed man holding an arm….
Maryland got the gay, allowing their states first same sex marriage. Tesla is more than just a shitty decent 80’s band, but also a bad ass electric car thats Ellis Show approved and American made brother! Who had the worst New Years you wonder, maybe this woman Tully ran into at Fat Burger that not only broke up with her boyfriend, but her car broke down and she slept the night in the parking lot. I’m sure someone out there has a worse story, and maybe it involves a car ride up a long windy road, in Australia of course, and your stopped by a naked man, covered in blood, holding an arm. If so, dude you totally shoulda called the show, cause Ellismate had a box of shit he needed to get rid of to whoever had the best story involving the naked blood covered arm carrying man, and how he fucking got their in the first place. Quite a few callers with some good ideas n shit, but none of which can be put into words, so go back and listen for yourself. Of course, if you were curious what Rawdog or Tully would do in a situation with this crazed maniac…..Tully would just turn around n leave, while Rawdog would reason with the fine gentleman.
Another Rawdog Classic!
Hollywood News time muthafuckers! Kim Kardashian had a baby, oh shit thats not news worthy never mind. Kayne West fucked Kim Kardashian and made that bitch have a baby, thats Hollywood News! Justin Bieber was smoking weed in his Ferrari and some paparazzi dude got ran over for talking shit, says Rawdog. Then Tully, being super dad n all, had a long heart to heart with us all on the dangers of the paparazzi, and on listening to Rawdog and not reading the story for yourself, seriously people. Then shit got real realer when a mysterious wooden box showed up that Ellis thought could contain a bomb or snakes maybe. Problem solved, they just got Cumtard to open the box, which contained…….some cool super cross thingie sent from Trey Canard #41 moto dude, who’s got a movie out about his 2012 life story titled REvival 41, check it out. I’m sure you’ll check out Rawdog’s new movie coming out one day, you know the romantical comedy about Shoebox and Adrianna Curry….oh and Ellis will also be making a movie, well a documentary, about Rawdog making his movie = video gold! Anyways back to Hollywood news with Rawdog, about how Katt Williams got into a fight with Sooge Knight and managed to film the shit on his phone. Nick Stahl, dude was in Terminator 3, was arrested by the Celebrity Jerk Off Cop. Latrell Sprewell, the man the myth the legend, knows how to fucking party, but has racist neighbors. Hugh Hefner has made one lady super fucking rich in like 10 years. If you google image search ‘100 year old dicks’…….well, you know. Lady Gaga hates her fans that hate themselves. Did Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt do it? Matthew McConaughey did it, again, for the 3rd time. Theres your fix of what happened in Hollywood while we were all having TJES withdraws, good on ya.
Scientology is wierd enough, but some dude wrote “The Church of Fear” exposing some shit about the odd religion, such as an impenetrable fortress built in the desert for aliens to find when we all eventually die off. Oh and Tully has some fucking sweet Japanese underwear that are silky smooth. Shout out to one Todd Richards for hooking Ellismania.com up with some Go Pro cameras, fuck yeah! You know what else happened over the break, UFC 155 bitches. I didn’t watch it though, but Cain Velasquez is your heavyweight champ again, battering Junior Dos Santos in the rematch to take back the belt. There were other fights too, but whatever bro go read up on that shit its old news. The new news is Ellis is gonna get killed by all of MMA for punching Ronda Rousey, in the future when shes on his show and tries to snap him in an arm bar. Also in the future, Cain Velasquez will have to fight Alistair Overeem a.k.a Ovaries a.k.a. Walrus Man, whos all jacked up on steroids n raw feeder fish, had to be there. In case you weren’t there in the beginning, when Ellis got that one chic to put a phone in another girls ass, and called in on the air, and he thanked his mom – he played the vintage audio for you. In case you weren’t there over the break, when we weren’t writing recaps, and were TP-ing your moms, while I can’t show you the pics from that alleged day, this outta give you a good idea….
OH!