H.R. MacGyver with a pencil n paper
Fucking A for Thursday – Ellis n the crew must have ate some happy food, maybe a happy meal? You see, the food you eat helps depict your attitude in life. My happy food must be “pussay” allaahaahalla, but who didn’t know that. Did you know that “Daddy likes orange bikes”! Its true, Tiggy says Ellismate is a huge fan of KTM. And everyone is a huge fan of saving starving kids, such as the fine people bidding on a day with Ellis on that hungerthon thing, and with only 26 minutes to go were at about $10,500. How would you like to see the new spin off, Real Husbands of Beverly Hills, with Ellismate of course? 20 minutes to go, and still about 2 grand short of Howard Stern’s current bid, and world domination! Tully says Toddlers & Tiaras is fucking hilarious. Oh shit, we got a new bid of about $11,500 from “Van Hamersly” (Spelling?) with only about 13 minutes left, shits going down! So Travis Barker was all like super dad n shit at the park with his kids, even though Snookie said Travis looks ‘sketchy’. Also, Rapunzel is smoking fucking hot. Only 8 minutes to go and you can cut the tension with a wolfknife. Ellis would smoke Obama in moto, but he’s not sure how a game of hoops would go. 5 minutes. Ellis hates everyone from Paul Blart Mall Cop. 2minutes. Shout out to Papa Fifty. 30 seconds. #fucktully CLOSED! Fuck, didn’t beat out Howard Stern, but got fucking close and fed a lot of starving kids so Red Dragons. Will Pendarvis III called the show, not to comment on Cumtards sad state of depression and drinking alone, but rather to tell Ellis he bought him a chair, and just over 11 grand ain’t too shabby. I’m sure Will didn’t pick him up a microphone from H. R. Giger, though that dude’s artwork is fucking twisted, gnarly and all that good shit.
No More Toto-Frodo’s-Scroto?
Gather round kids, its Hollywood News times. Lindsay Lohan could be more fucked than she already is, facing almost a year in jail. Lindsay Lohan could be less fucked than that last story, if her storage unit is auctioned off with all her dildos n shit. Sean Penn don’t give a fuck about any bitch, including his two ex wives. Angelina Jolie cares too fucking much, and will be retiring as soon as her 78 kids reach their teenage years. Gandalf will take a break from fucking hobbits, as the poor bastard has taint cancer. Jennifer Lopez and Al Roker ain’t fucking, but are fucked. And finally, a special NoYouAre shout out to Patriot Guard Riders for their support to military families, and for sticking it too those God Hates Fags pieces of shit. Now if only we can get Charlie Sheen to head the Gods Hates Gods Hates Fags, then we’d could fight more crime, and eat less chic’fil’a.
Having trouble maneuvering the Dirty Waffle?
In Florida, this mother fucker here was driving around with road sign sticking out his head. Anyways, lets get to the first of our guests, Breesa. The lovely official brewer of the illegal, yet potent, Wolfknives beer. 18% alcohol by content, so it can fuck you up like a Wolfknife could, and since it can’t be taxed n shit yet, its not for sale, but hopefully one day soon. Breesa also brought some other shit, like some pot beer for Rawdog of course, and some champagne beer as well, corked and all. Foxxy also joined the show for this debut of sorts. Bring in Cumtard, and we have ourselves a little game don’t we. But instead of the normal blindfolded taste test shit you’d hear on other podcasts, The Jason Ellis Show is of a much higher caliber. No No, not up to the par of Butt Chugging the beer that put all other Canadian beers to shame, but rather – ‘Butt Shot O’Clock’ mofo’s! Time for Cumtard to take shots of the different beers off Foxxy’s ass, luge style, and guess which is the Wolfknife beer or the other pussy shit. Despite Cumtard being bitchingly scared of Foxxy’s ass and taint region, and chaotic yelling from Ellis and Tully to just harden the fuck up, and the first shot going down Foxxy’s ass into Cumtards eyes, we did get some good action out of this. Cumtards nose did go in Foxxy’s ass for the record, and he did guess the champagne beer correctly. However, Cumtard didn’t correctly guess the Wolfknife beer, though when he did, he admitted it left a nice “asster taste”, zing!
Your mom loves it
In Aussie News, apple maps is fucking killing people and leaving them in the bush to die. This reminded Ellis that kangaroos only punch you for fun. Its when they pop back on their tail, n use their feet to gut ya, that shows they’re really pissed. It also reminded Ellis he owns land out in the bush mate, and he one time shot the face off a 7 foot Goanna, and the fucking thing jumped at him when he tried to pick up the body. That reminded Tully, what would you do if you saw a lizard with a gun? Can your toilet flush 20 golf balls, or 2 lbs. of kitty litter, or who gives a shit? I bet you Ellis wishes he had that toilet back in Australia, ya know when he used to get beat for shitting his pants, and would try to flush the evidence. Tully thinks it may have been Encopresis, but I think it just fucked up…..that Instagram removed @tullywood‘s sweet pic of monkey balls. Oh, and be sure to start following Ellismate’s new Instagram, @wolfmate, thats @wolfmate, one more time, @wolfmate. Anyways, Rawdog had some picture of a ghost that was real, but I couldn’t find that shit. Tully did find some repressed memories of a ghost slamming the door to his newly built bedroom at his parents place. Foxxy said she could smell a ghost, but it was just Papa Fifty cutting loose. We did get to hear from the “Van Hamersly” lady, who called in about her hefty donation, and her plans for the Wing when she meets him. Sounds a lot like my plans later on tonight, which involve anal fisting, 3 bottles of lube, two road signs, a case of Wolfknife beer and of course yer mum!