Blood and shit EVERYWHERE!
It’s June. Oh, don’t pretend like you know your months! Dingo is there, Jude is there, he’s sick, he’s on the couch and has something to tell us. He tried to get all caveman on a chick and she busts out with “hang on, I have to take my tampon out.” Jude’s like, “whatever, you got a 50/50 chance of me still banging you.” She was all like, “it’s my last day anyway.” which is the worst day. Shit looked like a crime scene, it was like Dexter’s kill room. And after they’re done, she was like, “oh, by the way, I’m also sick.” BIATCH! Ellis is sick too, he seriously contemplated pulling over and taking a shit right on the street like the bums in LA tend to do. Ellis and Katie went to go get massages, Ellis allegedly got a rub & tug, Katie did not. Jude is wondering which spot they went to. Ellis saw live porn this weekend, the girls from Burning Angel shooting porn scenes, while he was also watching the UFC fights. Jude has an idea for the large axe Ellis got as a gift, make it the “talking stick”, whoever is holding is the person who gets to talk and everyone else has to listen. Jude got kicked off Facebook, he had some dude running it for him and the guy ended up just keeping the account and won’t give Jude access. He don’t give a shit about Facebook, but now he can’t get on Tinder either. But he almost got herpes off Tinder too, so maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. Dingo and Jude are both over the Tinder thing. Dingo because he’s just not interested and he’s not a 10. Jude because he’s pulling mediocre 5’s on Tinder because nobody likes his rape face.
Said the NBA player surrounded by white guys with an axe in the room.
So Tully’s 20 year high school reunion was over the weekend. “One of the guys he knows” did some bumps after the reunion. It may have allegedly been the same “friend” of his that tried GHB, allegedly. Not a lot of goings on at the reunion, people got drunk and went through the classrooms, made it rain on the basketball court, etc. Dingo was partially home schooled. Sounds like the Hard Rock is so pumped about EllisMania 11 that they might be into Gymkini doing one of his stunts there. So let’s get this out of the way real quick, no more Bruce Jenner, it’s Caitlyn Jenner now and Caitlyn will appear on the cover of Vanity Fair next month or something. Tracy Morgan did his first interview since the fatal crash he was involved in. Dude is still hurting, it’s sad to see – however, he does vow to get back to comedy at some point. Rudy Gay is in the studio, he’s a professional basketball player standing at 6′ 9″ and has a brain. One of the dumbest things he bought was a Ferrari he didn’t fit in. He can’t swim, has a phobia about the ocean and pools, but he likes to fish and owns a pool. Manute Bol is dead, Christopher Lloyd, who played Dr. Emmett Brown in Back to the Future, is still very much alive.
Andrew “The Lone Farter” Gruss as a child.
Tully missed the last 30 minutes of Friday’s show, in what came to be known as Fartgate 2015. So it’s time to catch Tully and Dingo up on what happened and who did it. Ellis has put a $500 bounty on the culprit, as nobody has admitted to their fart and the 3 people in the greenroom all swear on their family members that they were not the lone farter. As everyone is reviewing the video again, things are starting to look bad for Will as his reaction to the fart seemed to be premeditated. Will is now upset that he has to defend his non-farting nature in the greenroom. Now the boys have noticed Andrew was smiling after Kevin almost vomited, that’s a shady as fuck maneuver for someone who claims to not have birthed a vomit inducing fart. Kevin is oddly silent, being sure to stay far, far away from the prosecutions arguments. Andrew is turning red in the face now as he’s trying anything to avoid being the only the suspect. This has now turned into a “loser leaves town” matter, they’re talking about getting polygraph tests and the liar quits his job, never to return again. The bounty has been upped to $1000 now! Droopy News was next, but there’s no way anyone can concentrate on that right now, not with Andrew still walking around claiming his innocence. I HAVE A CHILD, SIR! Anyway, the saga continues.