Show Re-Cap for Tuesday 5/19/2015


What’s up, buttholes?

Nope. I’m not jenni_mazky. Surprise! Here’s a bullet point recap in haste.

  • Bears scratching their backs on trees probably feels pretty fucking great.
  • Fish don’t even know that feeling of a good stretch.
  • You’re probably not wearing a suit right now, but Ellis is – because Larry King is the perfect excuse to wear that suit he just spent money on.
  • The OnDemand / no scrubbing / can only chapter skip a hand full of times / bullshit is… bullshit.
  • Ellis didn’t wash his truck, so it’s kind of dirty for a dude in a suit to be getting into – but it’s a truck – it’s supposed to be a little dirty.
  • You see those huge jacked up trucks that are always clean and never saw a puddle in their entire truck lives? Yeah, just feel bad for those drivers because they have small penis syndrome.
  • The Porsche still isn’t back. Ellis hit a curb. Hard. He fucked up and that’s all he’s willing to say about it, he’s pulling a Danzig and will only tell the story to Tully off air.
  • Jude popped in, which is perfect timing because Tully needs to talk shop with Jude. You see, Tully’s “friend,” Mr. X, tried GHB and he’s still having a metallic taste in his mouth with everything he eats.
  • The Internet says Chinese pine nuts can cause that metallic taste, but Mr. X doesn’t believe he had any Chinese pine nuts. The bitter taste isn’t always there, it’s just when Mr. X eats. Could just be that he has homeless man teeth and needs some dental implants.
  • Will Pendarvis turned Jude onto those berries that fuck with your taste buds so actual shit tastes like strawberries and strawberries taste like dead hooker shit. He likes to play with that shit once a year or so to see if someone thinks his dick tastes weird or what someone’s axe gash tastes like.
  • While Ellis was in New York, he had a meeting with somebody and they asked how he was with Jude. Which of course he’s totally down with Jude. Maybe, just maybe, there could be a time slot for Jude after TJES. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t love that. Make that fucking shit happen!
  • Tully has the country music formula down, as do most of us. You can predict when they’re about to rhyme something with “beer.” 3rd grade reading level isn’t anything to go around bragging about.
  • Bobby Brown sounds deeply complex compared to country music.
  • Jude knows which eye is his dominate eye. Ellis & Tully do not. Then they had to pretend to shoot a rifle / shotgun to “get it.” Ellis got it, Tully didn’t.
  • Larry King came in the studio and talked about the “good ole days” and his life and times in the radio business. It was a good interview with the Crypt Keeper.
  • Larry Bird could be the most entertaining person alive if he still acted like he was alive and did stuff.
  • David Letterman is all over the news because a bunch of people that didn’t grow up watching him have all sorts of shit to say about it like they’ve been there from the beginning. Who cares.
  • Ehren “Danger” McGhehey, of Jackass fame, called into the show. He’s doing stand-up comedy now. This is what happens when you “leave the comedy to pros.” You get nothing and wish you had your time back.
  • They tried to do an “ELI5 (Explain it like I’m 5)” ala Reddit style, that went over about as well as you might expect. Maybe they should “leave the comedy to the pros.”
  • That was about it for the “pros.” Comedic genius. Can’t even step to that. Golly.

Go answer phones, “pro.”

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