How do I recap again? It’s been 2-3 weeks.

It’s a new recap to accompany a new year with the same show! And it wouldn’t technically be a typical Monday if Dingo weren’t there, right? So he is. Last night was a “new moon” or “wolf moon”, I saw it, Ellis saw it – he was naked & breathing with it. Dingo did not catch it, so he’s going to look for it tonight, though it won’t be there. I mean, the moon will be there, but it won’t be the “wolf moon” tonight. It’s just gonna be itself this time. There ya go, Moon News to start you off. Australian TV is fucking useless. It’s just Aussie versions of garbage US shows and commercials. Such gems include: The Real Housewives of Melbourne. In the US, the Progressive commercials have “Flo”, in Australia they have “Kitty”. Ellis says his trip to the motherland was the worst trip ever, but he’s over it. Devin cut her leg pretty badly on some broken glass in a fire pit, her leg was squirting blood. Apparently not only are the animals dangerous, so are the god damned glasses and fire pits! Anyway, this cut is deep, stitches deep, she’s throwing up in the speeding car and worried about getting stitches. 13 stitches and a few needles later, she’s back at the house pissed off that she’s been in Australia for under 3 hours and already has a fucked up leg. Ellis made nice with his mum and they’re friendly with each other now. But apparently a lot of people were treating him weird because of all the stuff that came out in his book, visits on the Howard Stern Show, and appearances on Dr. Drew’s show. Basically, his brother thinks he made the entire molestation story up to be famous or to try and get Andrea back. Shit was weird apparently and sounds like a real bummer. Ellis even briefly thought about changing his name just to completely shed his past, but quickly realized he couldn’t do that for many reasons. He’ll probably never go back, all that is left there for him is his mum and auntie. On a side note, Australia has that brown clown, ditch weed. Yay?

Get it?

MMA correspondent Forrest Griffin called into the show to talk suits and clothing with collars. No, seriously, he did for a minute but then he started talking about UFC 182. Forrest was too drunk to remember a whole lot about the event, but he sure bullshitted his was through the segment well. Tully thinks Bones Jones may be gay. Dingo was there, he says Monster is in talks to become some big sponsor for the UFC and shit or something. Steven Seagal was there as the official mascot of the UFC. If you want to know about UFC 182, you should look that shit up, son. Dingo showed up in a British tabloid with Lil’ Jon, pictures from a New Year’s party in Vegas. Dingo was butt-to-butt or elbow-to-elbow with Miley Cyrus, she even says hi to him and everything. Andrew The Giants loves Taylor Swift and Opie & Anothony. Just saying. So that’s what Dingo was doing for New Years Eve. Ellis was sitting on the couch. Tully and his wife were lying to their child, showing him YouTube clips for 2012 New Years Eve so the little fella could party for a few minutes and then get his ass to bed. He had a lot of family time over the holiday break. A lot. One more special noteworthy moment, ever since Ellis got back from Australia, he’s become a premature ejaculator – even with a rubber on, but by Saturday night he was back to normal with long time lasting fuck power. There was some moto news, but I missed pretty much all that because of work. All I know is something was great for Carey Hart and Ricky Carmichael.

How Dingo spots a fake Muslim.

Dingo has some Aussie News, there are fake Muslims and European backpackers begging for money on the streets. These fake Muslims say they’re collecting money for Salvo’s (aka Salvation Army) and when approached by the news, suddenly they speak’a no Aussie. Some mother killed her 8 kids, she was an Aboriginal gangsta from Darwin. Or Cairns. I can’t tell, Dingo’s talking about both like they mean the same thing. “Mate, it’s so hot I could stab 8 babies.” could have been the words she said before getting all knifey on her kids. But enough about that, lets move on to some US News. Will is Wonder Woman of Sirius XM, he’s wearing a huge metal bracelet to block all those pussy rays that causes him to fuck so much. He claims it was a gift, maybe from one of the bitches he pounded out during the holidays? In other US News, Stuart Scott died. Joe Cocker died too, but before Stuart, winning the race to death. Christine Cavanaugh died too, but she’s a woman so I’m not sure her death counts. Just kidding. Of course it doesn’t. HEYOH! Donna Douglas died, you’re not going to know who she is so don’t worry about it. Mario Cuomo died at age 82. And finally, Edward Herrmann, the daddy vampire in The Lost Boys died too, which is weird because vampires aren’t supposed to die from brain cancer. Wearing a hoodie in Oklahoma could be a crime soon, but probably not. Dingo might be the reason why Kanye West is such a dick. 30,000 people in China have been detained in a porn and gambling crackdown. Dingo hasn’t been to Hong Kong since it was British owned, but he’s heard it’s changing a lot now that it is run by China. Even though he hasn’t been there in a long Kong time, when is Dingo ever wrong – especially about the Kong? Oil prices are at a 6-year low, so fuckin’ gas up that guzzler and do some burnouts! There were all kinds of piece of shit movies made in 2014, they sucked really bad, and there’s a list of the top shitty ones, but I don’t have that list – the Internet does. Go find it if ya want. Screech (Dustin Diamond) is to stand trial in a stabbing case, Christina Aguilera allegedly flipped out at Disneyland and called Mickey Mouse an asshole. Dingo says she’s a bitch and I have to believe him. Dingo is never wrong, especially about famous people, business, politics, cars, and the future of everything. Chris Rock filed for divorce. I know, I know. I cried too, you go ahead and let it out, let those tears flow. It’s not your fault. Yet another Malaysian flight crashed into the fucking ocean and I don’t think anyone is surprised anymore. Basically you’re tempting fate by flying in or out of that place, and odds are that you’re gonna become fish food.

Cumtard went to New Orleans over the holidays and showed his titties. At a gay fetish bar. Where he ran into Nipplopolis and her husband. At a gay fetish bar. There wasn’t a lot of people there, maybe 20, but there was a show. At a gay fetish bar. We know Tully’s great grandmother committed suicide by walking into a lake after have some tea. But we learned his great grandfather was decapitated at work in the saw mill. That’s pretty fucking metal. Women talking about their love of cock makes for great radio, unless of course it’s a lying ass porn starlette with an annoying voice, laugh, and face. CM Punk, what the fuck is up with that shit? He’s going to be one of the nails in the coffin of the UFC, for me anyway. I’m sure the WWE fan base is ready to take up the slack though, so hey, fuck me, right? Someone sent Ellis a $20 Canadian coin, according to Will it’s an ounce of silver and you have to trust a man wear Wonder Woman arm bracelets. Sounds like Bestie McBestington is getting engaged, so if you were looking for a pounding from Benji, you’re probably shit outta luck, sister. Ellis is no longer shitting blood, ever since the wolf moon – coincidence or miracle? IBM presents, you make the call! Late breaking MMA News, Tim Silvia retired from fighting. At a gay fetish bar. Just kidding. Or am I? And there you have it. First recap of the year in the books!

You when I ask if you read the entire recap.