Wow…I’m still not used to writing 2015…it’s fricking weird. And I’m stoned. Hahahahahaha..so funny, right? Stoned Jenny is a weird, tired, kinda cranky that she isn’t asleep Jenny…but I got a tooth pulled and it sucked so bad and I wanna get my yoga on but if I try and go upside down I land on my face and it’s not exactly helping with the mouth pain. So, you know, whatever. On to what you are all here for…The Jason Ellis Show Recap cause woo-boo motherfucker!!!!!!!!! Woo-boo? I meant woo-hoo! But, fuck it, woo-boo!!!!! Wooooooooboooooooooooo!!! Lmao. Awesome. Ellis is in the studio with Tully, as (mostly) always and Jude is there too cause it’s Fucking Hot Guy Tuesday and man, cocaine is a hell of a drug? No…I’m not on cocaine (that’s the white powdery one, right?) and actually neither are none of the three men
I just mentioned, but apparently cocaine makes music totally happened. At least at first, Ellis doesn’t really recommend listening to the ends of songs on cocaine, just the beginning. Tully is a heavy proponent of cocaine and is trying to sell Jude on the whole ‘you’re not too late to start the White Powder Party’ but Jude is a man who knows himself and knows his drugs and knows that he is a man who should never do cocaine. Why? Well, because, even Tully agrees that there is such a thing as too much cocaine and too much cocaine is really really lame, and Jude knows deep down in his sexy bones that he would do too much cocaine and become lame. And that would make the internet a sad place for Ellis because Jude made #whitepeoplewednesdays and the internet became a wonderful place. I think I’m rambling. I apologize for the fact that these pills make my brain cells kinda mush together and then leak weird brain ramble juice all over the place. I’m gonna do my very best. Jude thinks maybe that when he’s like 70 or about to die or something like that he may turn to all the drugs that he won’t do now that he’s all alive and kicking and at the top of his game, but if he’s dying then he really doesn’t have anything left to lose so let the mayhem begin, right? This makes Ellis talk about how when he knows he’s on his way out he isn’t going to die The Man’s death in a hospital bed listening to a heart rate monitor beepbeepbeep away his remaining beats of life, instead he’s gonna call up Sluggo, have him build a ramp that there is no coming back from, do a bunch of drugs and fly into the sunset. Or sunrise. Or maybe just the sun if it’s the middle of the day. He just doesn’t want his kids around to see it, or his wife, unless his wife is cool with that sort of the thing. But, if he does have a wife and he loves that wife, then maybe he won’t go out that way, because being in love with a good woman is the kind of this that makes Ellis want to live. So hopefully he dies during like a hundredsome for his hundredth birthday or something…god…even thinking about that makes me feel sad and bad about writing it. I’m not a fan of death. Let’s talk about happier things.
Tully looks good cause even though he was rip roaring over the Christmas break with his wifey while Little Dude had full run of the house and participated in Baby’s Day Out type antics (I’m sure) he went for a swim around Mexicans in Jean shorts making out in the laps lanes last night, so he’s all good. I wish it were that easy for me to bounce back. And Jude, well, now that Jude is back from the holiday break he is looking forward to some rest and relaxation because he signed up for Tinder and has been plowing bitches left and right. Except that’s not exactly right. He’s been dating a bunch a girls, dinner, drinks, the whole nine (and yes, they all know that he’s seeing a bunch of women because have you seen the lames on Tinder?!?!) and he needs a break. He is Ukranian Soup level tired…so tired he can’t even make hot soup. So they turn to lady talk for a while, and apparently a lot of Asian girls are into Jude, and then talk turns to Ellis sparring with Brendan Schaub Thursday at 2 and Ellis think that he can last between 2 and 3 minutes on the mat before being submitted. Brendan himself thinks it’s hilarious and texts Ellis a bunch of Hahahahahahahahahahas with a picture of his SiriusXM playing TJES…and it must suck to have a job where you talk about people you’re gonna fight and they have the oppurtunity to hear and LOL at you. But, the good news there is that Ellis’s ass is back to 78% and no longer in need of ass tampons…and I don’t really know how that’s related! but it seemed a good spot to throw it in.
Back from the first break there is a lottttttttttttt of Ellismania X talk…which bums me out a bit because Hubbs and I officially can’t make it, but I’ll find a way to get over it. I’ll be really really jealousy in February…but I’ll just have to live vicariously through all of the tweets and pics and videos when the time comes, like I always do. But apparently the chicks who were originally in the strip fight decided they weren’t happy about the whole g-string and pasties aspect of it, so Ellis and Tully sent out the call for ladies who would be willing to get punched in the face and wind up basically naked, and as Ellisfam are fucking awesome…a whole bunch a ladies called in the show and offered up their bodies and faces for the cause. Then there was some planning regarding Tigerbox and who was going to go on when and all that stuff…and they talked about how the Ellismania Hall of Fame inductions are going to be on the air and debated for a few minutes about it Hatebean’s performance should be broadcast also, for all us sad people at home who can’t be there. They also did unsigned bands and the unsigned bands aren’t getting any better so that’s all I’m really going to say about that. But they did have a funny conversation about washed up action heros (basically all the dudes who have been running around without shirts on since the late. 80s who really can’t get away with it believably anymore and who might be the next great action hero. It’s no one, guys. The only candidates they really came up with were Channin Tatum (and his face is too dumb in my opinion) and Chris Hemsworth…and isn’t he putting out a movie about being a hacker? That’s not an action movie!!!!
Rounding out the show Will came in with news and the only news worth mentioning was really the whole worst airlines being Terror Air (actually Tara Air) and Tully making jokes about Round Eye Air because of all the Asian planes that keep going missing. Oh and then Bizbing popped by the studio because why the fuck not? Ellis did his Bizbing impression for him, which was spot on, and they talked a bit about the UFC and being punched in the face and all that good stuff.
And really, that’s all this stoned Jenny has for you…hopefully next week I will be back to normal and ill post some pics of my batman undies. Cause, boom.