Ellis and his emotional ass are back for the last show of 2014. But don’t worry you can still get your fix because there’s going to be a very special Best Of 2014 for the next two weeks with a different show every morning and afternoon. Tully got presents for everyone but my app fucked up and decided I needed to hear The Madden Brothers. I’m starting to think this app doesn’t know me at all. Anyhow, back to Tully’s gifts, I’m pretty sure he just got everyone a box of dildos.
Police in France tazered a monkey after it was on a week long chocolate bender. So far the French aren’t planning on protesting the police brutality, instead they’re just going to eat croissants and drink wine for breakfast. Sal Masekela dropped by and talked about his journey into entertainment, his new album “Masekela Backwards” available in places that sell music, and his girthy soda can like monster dick. The Onnit challenge has finally ended and Kelly dropped off the last week and weighed in at just over 88 pounds so she weighs about as much as one of my legs but her jiggly arm fat is gone. Hotdog lost a remarkable 16 pounds! And his jiggly arm fat is gone too! My jiggly arm fat is still here and I shall celebrate my victory and determination with another beer and slice of pizza.
After the break a butt load of people showed up for everyone’s other favorite game, Sting Pong, but this time instead of petting a predator the predator gets to pet you. I forget the name of the dominatrix that was there to dole out the pain to the losers but that’s not important and neither is this. Sal Masturbata was out first, followed by Kevin, Phoenix, Tully, Catherwood, Triplie, Ellis, Fonzo, Katie, Hotdog, and won by Andrew the Giant, in no particular or accurate order.
Peoples sexiest woman alive is Ellis followed by the humongous jugs of Kate Upton. Apparently she’s “one of the guys” joking around, talking openly about sex, and peeing on trees after drinking a fifth of Jim Beam. Fonzo’s nipples. Nuff said. Sam Tripolie and Sal Musclecala will be at EMX and so will I, just hope I don’t make them feel awkward when I shadow their fame. Also Sal and Kim Kardashian have some history. I guess he was the first guy to ask if she got her pie filled on camera and as we all know, she said yes, then he jacked off and went to Thanksgiving dinner with her family and a raging girthy boner. They talked more about Hollywood plastic surgery, ball sack faces, and boners and gay porn. And when I say they I mean a bunch of people and I wasn’t really sure who was talking when.
Jason, Tully, Jasper, Sal, Sam, Katie, Phoenix, and a dildo in a bondage tree. That’s who was talking, in reference to the last paragraph. THEY talked about female ejaculate, female pee, female clits, and other parts of the cookie that guys don’t give a shit about as long as they get to put their Christmas log in the fireplace, if you know what I mean. Sex, that’s what I mean, even I wasn’t sure what that analogy was all about. Phoenix talked about shooting for Kink.com and other adventures in pornoland. It was a pretty impressive resume.
So this is it, the last recap of 2014 and I would like to thank everyone who takes the time to read these while pooping, fucking off at work, or driving in traffic. Without all of you this would be pretty much the same but without as much ego boosting as we would prefer. So from all of us at NoYouAre we would like to wish you all a very safe and happy holiday season. Also please keep yer mum out of the eggnog, nobody wants to know where she stuffed the mistletoe, again, OH!