Country music is speaking to Ellis and it’s not as annoying as he thought. Soul music is speaking to Tully and his adulterous ways. Ellis still has roid issues, he’s shitting blood, he wants to sit on a bowl but he can’t do that and run the show at the same time because he rides differently when on the bowl. Roid issues or not, Ellis don’t give a shit. But actually he does, just not that big of a shit, his roids are on the retreat, they’re just pulling out slowly – like troops tend to do. TUF shit was on last night, I didn’t watch it. Did you? Cool story bro. You gonna watch the fights on Friday and Saturday? Bro, another cool story, bro! Chick fights on Friday, dude fights on Saturday, or something like that, brah! Time to bust out the jiu-jitsu mat so Ellis & his roids can try to wrap Cumtard up in a ball. If he can’t and Cumtard can defend himself, he has a knife with him so he can stab him instead with knife-jitsu. Guess how that all turned out? Yeah, Cumtard Bourne got submitted – a few times for good measure. Joanna will be coming into the studio soon to talk about making a porn with the guys. Hotdog didn’t call his mom about making a porno, but that’s okay because Tully called his mom about it. HEYOH!
Tully waiting to take his shot at your mom.
Are you in LA area? Are you sexy? Are you missing a limb? Wanna party? Just kidding. Hey, Hallmark. That Hanukkah gift wrapping paper you made? Yeah, it’s full of Swastikas. You had one job, Hallmark, one job! Will “The Super Soaker” is in studio for Wolfknives names. I’ll do my best to list them all, correct or not.
Welcome to the Wolfknives. We salute you!
- Dr. Green Load
- Reforced Anal
- Two-Headed Hermaphrodite
- Gape Ruediger
- Butt Munch something or another? (missed this one)
- Impotent Masturbator
- The Lurking Pussy
- Pubicle
- 5 Dollar Footlong
- Throb Newhart
- Throb Dyrdek
- Alcoholic Mama’s Boy
- Throbby Lawler
- Lube Hand Luke
- Mr. Creepy Motherfucker
- Dick Vein Santa
- Dick Vein Dyke
- Golden Excaliber
- Lab Monkey
- Pussy Faced Girl
- Odd Rod Todd
- Deviated Urethra
- Midnight Masturbator? (missed this one too)
- Dick Biscuit
- Shit Patch Adams
- Smooth Balls
- FDGay
- Shit Globe? (missed it)
- David Hasslehorse
- Dark Vag Mark
- Concrete Power Shaft
- Freedom Wolf
- Don’t Touch That
- My Other Vagina Is A Penis? (maybe another name)
Kevin & Bean are to be inducted into Broadcasting Hall Of Fame. But who cares, because Will Pendarvis may have also been inducted or nominated or whatever, so suck on that Kevin & Bean. Joanna and her cleavage are now in studio. Her tit size varies sometimes by as much a cup size. She also likes big bushes. There’s some trivia for ya! Just in time for the holidays, she has a new movie coming out called “The Grinch Who Gaped Christmas”. Time to pitch the porn movie idea Ellis and Tully came up with, basically re-enacting the best Dude Am I Slut? calls as porn scenes while Joanna plays a female Jason Ellis, a radio host taking calls from potential sluts. Then it was time for the fans to chime in with some ideas for the porn.
Will LOVES patches, so if you make patches, talk to Will because that’s your market right there.
Remember when Tiger Box sold out so quick and you were like, “Man, that’s bullshit!” Well guess what? More tickets are now available for Tiger Box. So there ya go. Dr. Drew might be donning his own custom vest during his stint as cut-man for EllisMania 10, just like Stitch only different. Forbes published their list of highest paid performers of 2014, so feel free to go see how poor you are as compared to them. Spoiler alert, Dr. Dre was the top earning performer due to his sale of Beats to Apple for $3 billion. That’s the kind of money that allows you to slap your dick on another person’s face. But enough of that, Cumtard has been beeped and is here with some lyrics to popular Christmas songs. Quick Cumtard fact, when he was younger, at some point, 8 or 9 Cumtard family members lived under the same roof. How that place didn’t explode with farts and cum is beyond me. Anyway, he’s here to reveal some odd lyrics he’s heard in these various Christmas songs. Very first lyric about some asshole named Parson Brown, which turns out is a reference to a priest that may or may not have existed and is like an 18th century “John Doe” but not, because nobody knows for sure. Get it? Me neither. Next lyric went just as good as the first one and according to Cumtard, it’s Will’s fault for fucking up the entire segment. Cumtard is fully flustered at this point and doesn’t want to continue. Third lyric from Do You Hear What I Hear?, went even better than the second. Cumtard is mystified by stars and kites. Will is going to laugh himself into an aneurysm. The segment just cannot recover and Cumtard’s punishment will be to continue the bit. Continuing the bit wasn’t the only punishment, Cumtard also gets the nut pendulum. After a good hit, he felt like he needed to take a shit, but he’s gonna have to hold it because Hotdog didn’t film it correctly. So, now they have to do it again and Cumtard now hates Hotdog.
Will came in to read some news from around the world. I was driving during this whole news segment and couldn’t jot down any notes, so I’m just going to go from memory here. Lance Bass takes it in the ass and is getting married on TV, live, from an active volcano. Some bitchy-ass, spoiled rotten, snot nosed, twenty-something, cunt of a daughter is suing her parents for her college tuition. Her parents are divorced and probably hope she gets cancer of the cervix, allegedly. Time magazine sucks, yet they have been reluctant to write a story about it using their ancient tools on their ancient medium. That’s pretty much all I can remember right now. I know missed some shit, but too fucking bad. You go back and listen, I’m looking towards the future, not the past, man! Tully couldn’t give a shit about visiting a rain forest so don’t even try and get him to go visit one. Reverse Awards are still going on, go vote on that shit – you ain’t that busy, motherfucker. And there you have it. Pretty much. Cool story, right bro?