Hey mongrels, welcome to another edition of “Branden had a long ass day and didn’t take any notes”, so this re-cap will be sponsored by @bitPimps twitter feed. Shout out to that son of a bitch. I promise you no withered old comedians blew up on Ellis because his kid’s band sucks. Nor were there any RC cars pulling, ripping or otherwise yarding on Cumtards genitalia, so it was a pretty uneventful day.
Dan Ballzarian from Ballzaria reportedly got arrested at LAX for bringing all the makin’s for TNT on the plane. The guys speculated on what exactly he was trying to explode, when they arrived on the conclusion that he intended to blow up his instagram feed because he is in fact a narcissistic psychopath. Speaking of balls, are you tired of your balls smelling? Me too, you stinky Jew, which is why you need some scented underpants that make you smell like Cinnabon. Tully dislikes that idea because it would remind him of waiting for a flight with shitty food around you. I think they are on the right track with this idea, although it could be improved by instead making a scented cork for your mom’s vagina so that when I jam my rod inside of her, it smells like a bowl of Cinnamon pinecones.
Speaking of Cinnamon Pinecones, Skymall is a piece of garbage catalogue that serves the needs of stupid pieces of garbage who buy dumb things. The guys kicked around through the dumb crap in there and ultimately decided it might make for a good Etsy-style game sometime in the near future. Those are always good to mellow out the room once it gets way over the line with the super gay stuff.
SPEAKING OF GOING OVER THE LINE WITH GAY STUFF. Tully and Ellis made some phone sex calls, Ellis with a woman, and Tully with a man. Ellis forgot he was doing it and didn’t prepare at all, so he had to let his natural instincts take over. Imagine every porn star interview ever, and that was Ellis’ call. Him talking about them doing violent things to his penis and him cumming blood all over her titties. Par for the course. Tully on the other hand, had his first man on man action, and it was a banger (So to speak). He opened up innocently enough, talking about how he likes big biceps and how he has a throbbing hard cock. Once the operator got into it and “got his cock in his mouth”, Tully decided it was a good time to talk to this young man about our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. He told him he was going to hell because he was a walking talking abomination, but he still wanted the dick. Like any good priest, Tully kept up the sermon all the way up until he busted a nut in the dude’s mouth. And then sobbed uncontrollably. Really a masterful call, and I don’t think it will be beat. Expect it to go downhill soon.
Speaking of going downhill soon, Joe Rogan was on Brendan Schaub’s ‘Fighter and the Kid’ podcast recently, and things got a little real. If you don’t want to click that, fuck you. Just kidding, what it amounts to is that Joe Rogan told Schaub he doesn’t think he will ever be an elite top 5 heavyweight in the UFC, and pointing to all sorts of possibilities of brain trauma for guys who aren’t good enough to dodge gigantic fists coming at their face. Ellis had a bit of a different approach, and brought up a dude he knew back in the day who he thought sucked at skateboarding. Yet, a few years later he saw the dude and he was shredding it up because he had worked his ass off. So in Ellis’ mind, Schaub still has a shot at making it if he works his ass off.
Speaking of Brendan Schaub, he was supposed to show up today, but cancelled last minute. Lucky enough, Davie Millsaps of Supercross fame was on the phone for a quick interview. They talked moto stuff. He’s not a giant douche like a lot of those guys are, and Katie thinks he is awesome. I can’t really say too much here, moto bores the shit out of me.
Speaking of boring the shit out of me, Cumtard came in the studio. Only this time, not to bore the shit out of me but instead to bum me out. He’s got a pretty decent Droopy the Dog impression and he came in to deliver some really depressing news. I don’t remember what the news was, but I remember laughing a lot. Check that out on demand, and hopefully we catch more of that in the future, and we can all cut our wrists and bash in each others brains with hammers.
Speaking of cutting our wrists and bashing our brains in with hammers, the long awaited return of “Dude, Am I A Slut” ummm returned….Only this time with a twist: we are looking for slut stories that we can make that porn with Joanna Angel with. They played old clips of the sluts of yore. And it was just as annoying as the first time. The one new wrinkle the show gained was a two-bit whore who got gangbanged by six dudes, but they didn’t have more than one condom, so they all took turns with the same one. Which means a bunch of really gross dudes banged a now-gross chick who’s vagina probably looks like a permanent Indian Burn.
Speaking of Indian Burns:
What’s the difference between Davy Crockett and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.