Pendarvis breaks things. He was also there. And is a murderer. Was this his fault?
Aaaaaand we’re back! The show was in the bathroom (zipper got stuck) all last week, but now it’s here again, live, uncensored, uncut, unadulterated, I ran out of “uns”. Just before the show started, the studio welcomed the show back by breaking and we got some dead air just after Pantera started playing. It’s okay though, shit got fixed before the show was scheduled to go live. Dingo is here today, there is a new producer coming tomorrow, he’s in the midst of moving to LA today. Ellis has already given him a nickname, “Andrew The Giant”, because of his size, Tully’s already got the hots for him. Speaking of Tully, he was in Central America last week – Belize specifically, all lathered up in SPF 1 billion. Guess who has never been to Belize? I mean, besides all of us. That’s right, Dingo! Suck on that Dings! There was a ton of sand in Belize, and it’s fucking annoying to Tully because it’s all up in his room, he had an open wound on his foot with sand getting all up in that shit. Fucking sand, man. Belize is very Catholic so every time it rains, people are getting pregnant. When Tully went out by himself, he got cat-called by women. When his wife went out by herself, she got cat-called by men, she almost got pregnant. Have more people died by hippo attacks or in zeppelin accidents? Survey says hippo attacks, gotta be, right? Will came in to give us all history lesson on the Hindenburg, you know, since he was there – oh, the huge manatee! One of Tully’s childhood friends’ grandfather claimed to have pulled some molten zeppelin off one of the victims. And molten means really fucking hot. Like 10 times hotter than hot. Everyone flipped out on Ellis because of a picture he took of Tiger with a pretty nasty cut on his chin. The angle of the photo made it look worse than it really was, but it was still a pretty gnarly gaper, maybe a 2 or 3 stitcher. But that didn’t slow Tiger down any, the crazy kid was photographed on his motorcycle, jumping it and taking his legs off the pegs. Half the Ellis family is now officially out of moto, it’s dad & Tiger only, Katie and Devin want nothing more to do with it. Will tried to make an appointment to get his knee fixed up, but the guy who takes pictures of his kids was busy. Why this man is taking pictures of Will’s kids and why is he the man for the knee job is beyond anyone’s guess. Couple of Cumtard mentions and an update on him possibly still fighting Will, and now it’s break time.
The Drunk Hotdog Helmet Cam.
Jose Canseco is really sad about shooting his middle finger off. Hotdog came in to explain his Saturday night after the Horse Force show, which he couldn’t really explain because he couldn’t remember it very well. Apparently he was talking with some Australian dude who he was mystified with for not know Ellis. Some fans kept buying him drinks at the various bars they all had gone to. He knows he was puking in the streets and didn’t get home until around 7 AM and missed his flight back – but there’s video evidence of at least a portion of his antics. Sounds like Hotdog was a little too drunk and a video made it’s rounds showing him talking some shit on Ellis with this Aussie band, “The Lazies” along with @ScreminJ. He even gave one of the dudes the shirt off his back. From the sounds of it, Hotdog might need to start wearing GoPro’s all over his body to film his various antics while drunk, because this is sure to not be the last we’ve heard of a drunken Hotdog. Tully ran into some poor children while in Belize that he fed for just $0.30 per day. Just kidding, he just bought them ice cream and a burger and left their poor asses to rot. Just kidding again. The Tully’s have the ice cream ladies information and they’re going to check into how they can stay in touch and help the kids out. Ellis saw a movie while on staycation, this got Dingo all excited, but unfortunately Ellis can’t remember what he watched. Dingo rattled off some movie titles, but nothing was ringing any bells so Tully chimed in about finally trying to watch the rest of The Planet of the Apes, which he abruptly turned off due to it’s amazingly high quality. Also, nobody wants to fuck the character Caesar from the movie, proof by no chicks calling into the show to admit to fantasizing about it.
Wolfknives names, yay! Wait, my name is what?
We’re back from break with Angry Will setting up things for a quick workout with Will and Cumtard. Judging by the sounds of the ropes hitting the floor, Will is at least 40 times as strong as Cumtard. But we already knew Will was the strongest man on the show after he cleaned up the contenders in the shows arm wrestling championship. Also, Cumtard is wearing a Lily Allen t-shirt, not for ironic comedic value, but because he is a true fan of hers. There’s debate regarding the punishment should Cumtard lose his fight with Will. Luckily we have re-caps to refer back to! The original punishment was going to be Cumtard eating onion rings on a man’s erect penis. About a month later, leniency was shown as Cumtard had an issue with a man’s erect penis, so it was altered to eating onion rings off of a deep friend animal dick. So during the cold war, the UK government considered recruiting psychopaths to keep order after nuke attack – which sounds like it might be the best idea I’ve ever heard, what could possibly go wrong? Since elections are coming up tomorrow, Will has pulled up some zany ballot measures from the past that people could vote on. The end of that discussion gave birth to a potential blockbuster movie, “Ghost Bananas” which would no doubt beat out any of the Paranormal Activity movies in box office numbers. Wolfknives names were given out on the show today, so be sure to check the Wolfknives Registry to see if you’re listed and if not, follow the directions on the page to get your Wolfknives ass listed. And there you have it, first recap in a week in the books.