Hello and welcome to the Wednesday recap of TJES. We’ve got birds, drugs, smelly feet and dick punches for you today so sit back and open your mind hole, and let me come inside you.
Birds are terrifying monsters who kind of got fucked in the evolutionary lottery when they didn’t grow to be 30 feet tall. Had they of been 30 foot tall winged morons with liquid shits, man would be living in constant fear of being eaten or being instantly drowned by a Nickelodeon-style shit bombing. Eagles are about the closest thing that come to a threat, and they are all but extinct, so fuck them. According to a caller, eagles have a 400 PSI grip so they probably give terrible hand jobs. They are sometimes known for ripping out their prey’s spines and eating them once they die. Ellis can relate to that, because that’s one thing he has always fantasized about: ripping out something’s spine and murdering it. I can completely understand the homicidal rage fantasies, as I’ve thought the same thing before. And Tully says as long as you don’t act on those urges, you’re probably going to be OK in the long run. Back to 30 foot birds: Now, if birds did somehow grow to be 30 feet tall, they would most likely pose a nuisance to mankind, sure. Much like having to look at homeless people every time I leave Wal-mart is a nuisance. Tully and Ellis pondered whether or not if given control of these 30 foot beasts, could homeless people take over the world? The answer is no, absolutely not. They are homeless because they aren’t good at stuff, and they’d ruin their best shot at ruling the world over a $20 bottle of gin.
Ellis was on Dr. Drew last night. There were stories about this, and stories about that. He is becoming the resident poop and dick story guy, and he is totally comfortable with that. Plus having a bunch of smart, hot chicks climb on you and flirt with you can’t be half bad either. Again, I haven’t been watching any of the appearances because news shows with a bunch of talking heads arguing with each other gives my rage monster a throbbing hard on. But if you’re interested: Drew on Call is on HLN, Jason is on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the show is on at like 7 East or something.
How much are you on social media? Chances are if you found this article, you found it through Twitter or Facebook. The guys talked a bit about how having everything on your phone can potentially start to ruin your life bit by bit. Maybe when you first got it, you would check email, maybe facebook, twitter or play a game a couple of times a day. Then you start checking it more and more, until eventually you are staring down every few minutes just to refresh and see the same shit you saw a second ago. Tully said he had been thinking about how a person might really benefit from quitting social media for a while, and experience life the way you are supposed to. A girl named Chelsea called the show and told the guys that she quit social media a year or so ago, and has never felt better. The reason being, is that she felt she was growing envious of other people’s lives and the things they were sharing on Facebook. I think I speak for everyone when I say WELL LA DEE FUCKING DA CHELSEA. LOOK WHO THINKS THEY ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T TAILK TO ANYONE ON THE INTERNET ANYMORE. EAT POO CHELSEA! EAT POO! I can say that because she’ll never read this from under her self imposed rock.
You know about DMT right? Well if not, it’s a psychedelic drug found in Ayahuasca that Aubrey from Onnit is always talking about. Well, DMT: The Spirit Molecule is a documentary all about it, and the director, Mitch Schultz and Steve, the Australian guy who takes drugs were on the show today. Ellis tried talking himself into doing DMT once again, and is still having the same anxiety he’s had about it since Aubrey came back from Peru. Mitch and Steve were nice enough dudes, they just didn’t have much to really add to the conversation that anyone who has heard the conversation before has heard. I listen to Joe Rogan all the time, so I’ve heard the discussion a dozen times. They talked about how you need to go into a trip with intention rather than as a party thing, and if you know psychedelics, you already know that. Anyways, I didn’t particularly care for the interview, so naturally, I took to twitter to see if I was alone:
Ok, what’s everyone’s general take on the DMT guys?
中 Queen of the Fam 中
@azkellie @CrackerStacker6 stop trying to convince me drugs are cool. #cmonareyouchicken #justdoit @CrackerStacker6 awesome loved since I tried it at 12 lol little green couple a flakes a dm an instant trip for about 15 minutes then sober
(Note: Joe didn’t listen to the show, he just saw me mention DMT and got excited, which was my favorite response. Shout out to that dude
@CrackerStacker6 sounded a little like a BBC documentary, but I could hardly hear them. . @CrackerStacker6 it made me want to take mushrooms, LSD, ayahuasca, and DMT all at once while sitting in Cumtards living room. @CrackerStacker6 Not my interest, but I am so used to that kind of wonkiness from listening to the Joe R podcast that It was a good listen. @CrackerStacker6 Nothing I haven’t heard before. Doesn’t sound as appealing when they speak on it, as opposed to hearing from Aubrey.
So there you have it, responses all over the place on it. To be honest, if you have heard one DMT conversation, you pretty much know what the next dude is gonna say. Tully isn’t sold on the whole thing but he’s pretty tightly wrapped, and if that dude comes unraveled we (Or his family) may never get him back again. His big gripe against DMT being used to “cross the planes of our subconscious” is that he believes humans are arrogant to think that we have the capacity to really understand where psychedelics take us and it’s kind of silly to try and divine some deep spiritual meaning to taking drugs.
Ok so I’ve crossed the 1000 word mark so it’s time for me to get sloppy here. RACING! Big topic on the show today, specifically the types of races they should have. Tully came up with the brilliant idea of a texting while driving race. The announcers will be texting the drivers and they have to respond while driving to win it all. A lot of scheming went down on how much boobage the guys can work into the day. Oh, and also if you are going to be at the Friday show at Racer’s Edge in Burbank, CA., you may want to leave your kids at home because TJES has that place rented out and they are going to be saying fuck, motherfucker, cunt, titty, asshole, bitch, fucksock, shitpocket and other things. SO unless your home is already a terrible environment for young children, it’s probably best you leave them at home, lest Tully tells them to fuck off and makes them motorboat a nice lady.
Wheel spins all around! Jetta had to spin because he gave Will a list of Wolfknife names they have already done, and Jason had to spin because he didn’t go live on OfficialJasonEllis.com this morning. Jetta had to smell everyone’s feet and we learned that Tully’s feet smell like a nursing home because of the hippie bullshit soap he uses, and Jason’s feet stink the worst out of everyone, so let’s all make a really big deal about that, OK? Jason had to get a dick punch, and he got one, but not a really good one I don’t think because he laughed through it and everyone was like “Eh, yeah that was good enough” but fuck it.
Oh and instead of an erect penis, Cumtard may have to eat onion rings off of a deep fried animal dick instead. Toodles!