It’s Monday and it’s showtime! Let’s see where the show takes us today. Ellis started off a little weird, fuck DMX and fuck everybody. He doesn’t make sense but he doesn’t have to because he shouldn’t even be there. He hasn’t eaten yet, not because he doesn’t want to, because he can’t. So sounds like he’s still pretty stressed about the contract. He’ll be getting waxed today on-air, for the fans and to get rid of his shaft hair. Dingo doesn’t seem to know that most men have a little bit of hair on the base of the shaft. Tully checked his shit, yup, little bit of shaft hair during flaccid mode. Dingo checked his shit, yup, little bit of shaft hair during flaccid mode. Should Ellis get his wanger hard while he get’s it waxed? You know, to make sure there’s no strays left behind. Dingo has drifted off again already, he’s not even sure who is talking. He was asked if he’d like to do a little bit of pee-pee waxing and he instantly thought he was being invited to hold Jason’s erect pecker. Pound for pound, ladies and gentlemen. Ellis decided to stop taking his blood thinners, his jaw hurts, he can’t seem to wake up, he has no energy, and he’s over it. Being that I’ve been going through 3 solid weeks of stress like a motherfucker myself, I can relate – sorry CrackerStacker6 :) World’s Greatest Monday, what should Ellis do for a normal job where it’s not so stressful? Nevermind, that didn’t happen. Sprite is known as lemonade in Australia. A fanny is known as a vagina in Australia. It’s like Australia is upside down and/or backward and dropping “cunt” like it’s equivalent to “Hello.” Dingo’s weekend was good, he blew it with a major actress without even realizing it though. It wasn’t Carmen Electra or Meryl Streep, it was Adelaide Clemens. He’s not really into Aussie chicks, he prefers American females, so whateves. He also made it to the US Open of Surf, there was no surf, but there were two little dark kids that were into a white chicks there – so that’s cool I guess. Lots of Christian Hosoi talk since Dingo brought him up and Ellis retold some stories from yesteryear. Tully’s weekend was all solo with his kid, then went to get bagels, went to soccer practice, played with his friend, walked under a rock, painted stuff, got a hotdog, wouldn’t drink a milkshake, snuck into a car museum, saw a sculpture of an elephant, didn’t take a nap, went to the zoo, visited his great uncle in the hospital, got a haircut, saw a protest, ate dinner, went home, went to bed, and started over the very next day. Holy. Shit. I got tired just typing that laundry list of shit.
MMA News, UFC 178 featuring Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier – I guess they scuffled and fell off the stage at the weigh-ins. And with that, it’s hot wax to the entire pubic area time. Ellis shaves all his holes, butthole, nose holes, ear holes, all of ’em. But this ain’t no shave, this is downtown Chinatown wax on, wax off style. Jen, the sick fuck professional waxer says there’s a good chance there’s going to be some skin coming off the balls so he’ll probably be out of commission for a few days. On the plus side, if he keeps waxing the hair will get thinner and thinner and eventually go away. Dingo says some porn stars tattoo their brown hole pink. Nobody’s believing that shit, bleach yes, tattooing pink on brown, nah mate. First up, inner thigh and it wasn’t pleasant, Dingo offered to let Ellis squeeze his hand if needed and sick fuck pro waxer warns that this is the easy part. She’s fast too, she’s already 4 strips deep and Ellis hasn’t even read a single Smith kid tweet. We’re about 40% done on the wax job and we’ve got 3 or 4 Smith kid tweets so far, which is actually making the screams of pain much more funny. Now she’s at the intersection of ball & dick, it sounded painful and she’s heading downtown. Side ball sounded like it was really, really bad and she’s asking if he really wants to do the balls because it’s gonna hurt like hell. Full on downtown in asshole, taint, under ball area and it’s already hurting before she’s ripped anything off. Still no blood yet, but we’re not done either because the balls are apparently deceptively hairy. She’s still on the sack, so I guess she was right – they take a long time and there’s a lot of hair. We’re well out of Smith kids tweets, but that’s okay, we’ve got Andrew Dice Clay jokes to be told! And then, there was none, wax-o-matic is done. And there was no blood.
Skin Diamond, porn star guest that’s been on the show several times, rejects a US Olympian. It’s history time with Dingo & Ellis. Anne Frank was stolen by the Jews and put on parade where she wrote a book called “The Awesome Part” and she had a house, let the Jews stay there and fed them bread. Germans asked her “where’s the Jews?” and she was like “what Jews, man?” and then she died and later on they found her book. In 1892, Lizzie Borden invented tampons, the bra, and women’s rights. But in all actuality, she spawn a pyscho school nursery rhyme after allegedly murdering her father and stepmother with a god damned axe. Dingo solved the mystery when he uncovered the the real mom did the killings and framed her daughter for that shit. Jessie Owens wore a black glove, he wasn’t the guy, but he did. He beat Hitler’s best runner so bad that he waited at the finish line just to smack in the face and told him “tits or get the fuck out.” There was a historical sodomy arrest in 1982 between two gay dudes. A cop was looking in the window jerking off and then felt gay after he finished so he got all weird and arrested them and had a straight couple join in the complaint and both dudes ended up going to jail. Jimmy Hoffa, he disappeared, but he was a football coach for the Chicago Bears. He later became a police officer but was also in the mob as well as the President’s secret boyfriend. He abused his powers and the President’s dick and got caught selling illegal alcohol, but after he won accolades for coaching The Bears to several winning seasons. Bruce Jenner was a running racer guy who won a medal as the first transgender Olympian and they put him on a Wheaties box and so became an American hero, but not like GI Joe. In 1976 was griped in fear by The Night Prowler, who AC/DC later commemorated in song. He shot people in the face and a dog talked to him and told him to keep killing motherfuckers and sneak into girls places and steal their underwear, thereby earning his second nickname, The Panty Snatcher. In 1981, Prince Charles married Lady Diana and Elton John immediately started writing songs about her death, which eventually came to fruition because she was banging some Greek dude and so the Queen had her killed by a bum rush of people with bad teeth. In 1868, dirt was huge and the 4th amendment was adopted, allowing everyone to drink Coke except all the Chinamen slaves. Jacqueline Bouvier invented sunglasses and banged out a President and then invented a shark suit. Bob Hope stole the dreams of children and used those stolen dreams to build himself an empire of comedy – because he was sick, twisted, horrible man. Ed Gein ate the fuck outta people, he was the inspiration for The Might Ducks, Silence of The Lambs, and Good Burger. Rock Hudson invented the sequins cape, trained tigers, and drank loads of cum from young men.
Letter time. This Chris Truedaue (sp?) dude drew a wolf and sent it to the show to be donated to Everlasts systic fibrosis foundation thing. He also fought in EM9 as “the chef” and got lit up, but the real story here is he made a kick ass drawing and is donating it for a good cause. We heard a new button or two today, that lasted all of 10 seconds. And then some new Wolfknives members got their names. That lead us into final calls and a recap of the show with Dingo. Ellis was grumpy at the start of the show, they talked about their weekends, Ellis got waxed, history lessons, and then some other shit. Word on the street is that Wednesday could potentially be the last show, no show on Thursday, if they don’t make any progress with the contract negotiations. However, Ellis has been operating on essentially day-to-day mini-contracts. So, it’s very likely that there will be a show on Thursday because they’ll continue using these day-to-day mini contracts to ensure everyone keeps getting paid and is on-air. Eventually, a more permanent contract will be in place and there will be some changes, just no where near as many changes that were allegedly verbally agreed to. The show will still grow and be bumped up, just not as much as everyone had hoped and were led to believe. Don’t forget to send your top 5 picks in the NYA t-shirt contest to @AZ_RedDragon and don’t forget to fondle your tits and balls.