Dingo’s man crush Monday.

It’s Monday, which means it’s Dingo Monday after Voda Spay Monday, even though he didn’t Voda today, only Ellis. Dingo’s apartment downtown is kind of party central. One of Diddy’s son’s is looking to possibly use that same apartment building for some kind of release party. As cool as his apartment complex is, they don’t cater – but it’s all good because this is 2014 and there’s an app for that. Dingo loves Eminem and he got to see him live on Friday night, thanks to Rihanna’s manager. Eminem walks like a god right past Dingo, we’re talking like 10 feet from him. A joint manages to get passed around through some heavy hitters in the VIP area. Who gets caught with it, Dingo. He was told to throw it out immediately, but he did the pretend through and left it under his foot. A few minutes goes by and he tries to retrieve the doobage but can’t see very well. Suddenly a flashlight shines to help him see, he picks it up and goes to hand it to whoever helped out by providing the flashlight. BAM, it’s the same cop that busted him the first time and gets a verbal scolding and a stiff warning and that’s the end of the story. Ellis had an Uber driver pick him up & he said something about Armenians. Turns out the driver was Armenian, so Jason called his Armenian friend from Australia and they ended up bro’ing down by the end of it and hugged it out on the street. Ellis also saw Gabe Ruediger over the weekend and Gabe finally came clean about punching a fan (Nipplopolis’ husband) at the bar after EllisMania 9. Ellis also went to a sex dungeon this weekend, with Katie and her girlfriend. He got paddled and quickly realized he didn’t want to be that guy, he wants to be the guy holding the paddle. It’s cool, Dingo doesn’t find him any less attractive for him wanting to be the dungeon master. Did you know that sharks loose 300,000+ teeth in a lifetime? I don’t know if that’s completely accurate or not, it’s from Ellis.

I want to booooooone you, esé!

Police are looking for Jonathan Koppenhaver (War Machine) for allegedly beating the shit out of his porn star girlfriend, Christy Mack. Kailin Curran is in the studio, she’s a female MMA fighter who likes to make other women bleed. I mean bleed more than they normally do. As part of her training for her upcoming fight, she kicked Cumtard in the flabs (aka abs) and doubled him over straight away with a 10% kick. One can only imagine the white donut powder that could have expelled from his pores after that kick. Then it was time for Jetta’s turn to get a kick to his stomach to help blow up her Instagram, but with a twist. She did a double leg kick, first to Cumtard again and then a special delivery to care package to Jetta. So Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier were on SportsCenter and hot mics caught them shit talking one another between breaks. Did you know Pitbull has a channel on SXM now? Dingo does, because he knows him pretty well. Pitbull played at Dingo’s birthday party before he really blew up, back when he was just Muttbull. Remember little Tyler Posey? He hosted some awards show or some shit and J-Lo was there. Kellen Lutz is also Dingo’s friend, he was there at the awards show and also went to the Eminem show with Ding. I’m bored, let’s move on.

But seriously folks, can’t we all just get along?

Ellis will be on Dr. Drew’s HLN show today, I think. He’s supposed to talk about War Machine on the show, so he’ll do just that – god damn it! Or maybe he’ll wear a Sherlock Holmes hat and a monocle and provide alternate theories on what actually went down between War Machine, his porn star girlfriend, and another man. DUN-DUN-DUUUUUNNN!!! Tim Silvia is texting with updates to the story and then sent a photo of War Machine’s dick. During dick pic updates, Christy Mack posted graphic photos and her side of the story, on Twitter. Crazy shit man, crazy. Wilson chimed in that maybe Ellis’ angle on the story is that he himself was in an abusive relationship when his then girlfriend would beat the shit out of him for smoking weed and whatnot. Speaking of offensive, body odor man. You gotta keep that shit in check, you can’t just going around dropping your body odor bombs all over normal people. Same goes for you men and women wearing way too much or way too strong cologne or perfume. Get your shit together people, it’s not rocket science. If you walk past people and all them sneeze & start crying, you might be the smelly one. Dr. Drew wants a cock shot selfie of Ellis along with a sexy bio. For the website I mean, maybe Drew will print it & keep it his wallet too, but he wants it under the guise of needing it for the website, so… I guess TMZ will let us know he starts whackin’ it to the selfie. On a less domestic violencey note, Ellis will be leaving tomorrow evening to go to New York to fight for his right to have more control of Faction.

Domestic violence, death, and a suicide? Damn Monday, you really kicked ass today.

Moto News time, Ryan Dungey is going to take the series. He’s not currently leading the standings, but he’s got the skills to shit on everyone and take the outdoor series. Did you know Nate Hotdog is a reformed cigarette smoker? Also, why is Wilson still disappearing downstairs to the designated smoking section? The guys watched a bunch of videos of portly mothers getting into verbal altercations with kids at skate ramps and such. Just hit YouTube and you’ll run across a ton of those, it’s every other video. Hey, Chael Sonnen competed in some BJJ Metamoris 4 event in LA over the weekend, despite being fired and warned by the athletic commission he could be fined $250,000 smack-a-roo’s. He tapped. Randy Couture and Frank Shamrock have a new reality show called “Gym Rescue” that will compete with the myriad of other “Rescue” shows all over the fucking TV. Sweet Jesus, when will these shows end? Oh, that’s right, never. Because America’s appetite for pure turd television is insatiable. Shark Week is on again. You’ll be amazed to know that you’ll see: sharks swimming, sharks eating, sharks outside of cages, sharks in cages, sharks jumping out of the water, sharks going to the shark dentist, sharks being tagged, sharks on sharks, sharks getting rescued, and sharks rescuing shitty animals from their mundane lives by eating them alive. A-fucking-mazing shark stuff, am I right? In non-shark related news, Tony Stewart accidentally ran over and killed a fool who got out of his vehicle on the track to run over and flap his arms at Tony for racing. While you’re on YouTube looking at women berating children on skateboards, you’ll no doubt run into Tony Stewart in his death cart running over a dude. Also, Robin Williams died of an apparent suicide. Happy fucking Monday!