Oderus Urungus
Welcome to it. This crazy little thing called love. Wait. No. You know what I meant. Who cares, let’s get right into it – deep inside it – in the hole. First things first. Gwar frontman Oderus Urungus died Sunday evening, may the great mothership be covered in his blood and semen! We’ve posted two of his visits to TJES that you should definitely go listen to, he was always a fun guest to have on the show. Let’s lighten the mood a little bit, shall we? Sounds like there was a good turn-out at the Harley Davidson book signing over the weekend. It made Ellis feel way more famous than just some TV news guy, say like… Sam Rubin? Ellis ran into some people he doesn’t hang out with and hasn’t seen in a really long time, like some dude he used to skate with back in the day. Which I can’t remember his name, so you’re just gonna have to trust me, this dude was definitely a dude. Ellismania.com is still down, been down since Friday – apparently it was a victim of an unauthorized domain name transfer. Dingo gets scared when Tully’s all dressed up, or dressed down really. Jeff Emig said something positive about Ellis on Instagram and Ken Block said something negative about Ellis. Ellis went for his first ride on his new bike, he was trying to take it easy and did a little jump where he promptly sprained his ankle and the chain came off his bike. Tully had no such issues this weekend, he rode like like the wind and was doing whips & whoops & shit, you should’a seen him go! Tully had a Monster Energy drink that gave him no energy what-so-ever, matter of fact, it made him sleepy because he’s too much man for some pussy drink.
Dingo while reading No You Are?
Dave Boyce, “The Red Dragon Guy”, is in studio today. He’s the brother of Rob “Sluggo” Boyce sometimes and he makes shorts for small Canadian men. He and Moses Itkonen pretty much run that game, so bow down. Quick bit of MMA News time, everyone thought it was funny that anytime a Brazilian lost, the crowd was so silent you could hear a fly fart. Now, on to something else. Dingo says you can’t surf in Thailand, and he’s been there. Nobody believes him because he was there for only two things, to party, and to party harder. Dingo also claims to be domesticated and is generally a very clean person. Nobody believes him on that either. Another claim Dingo made was that he was pet sitting over the weekend for a girl who is a 10. Nobody believes him. Davidia Boyce is impressed with the show, so much so that he hasn’t said more than 10 words yet. He’s finding it difficult to get a word in with Dingo there. HEYOH! And now it’s break time, so he’s not gonna be saying jack shit for at least another 6-10 minutes.
MMA News with Kenda Perez.
MMA News for real this time, with Kenda Perez on the phone while she’s wearing a Tupac shirt and flower leggings. Oh yeah, and she’s in Las Vegas doing some voice over work for the Best of WEC, the show that she hosts. And there you have it, MMA News. Just kidding. So everyone thought the fight between Fabio Maldonado and Gian Villante was pretty fucking good, especially since the first round looked like Maldonado was gonna get submitted the entire time. And then BOOM! The next two rounds he just kept picking off Villante to the point that nobody could believe he was still standing. Nobody really liked the Rony Jason vs Steven Siler fight because the Brazilian ref stopped the fight so early, but what can you do? He held his head like he was woozy as fuck and went down, tough call. Nobody really liked the Norman Parke vs Leonardo Santos fight either because it went to the judges and ended in a majority draw. Mairbek Taisumov vs Michel Prazeres was an odd fight since Taisumov was so busy checking the the quality of links in the fence that it earned him several warnings and two point deductions. Dan Henderson vs Shogun was pretty awesome though and it ended with Dan knocking out Shogun. Moto News time with expert moto analyst Dingo. Chad Reed is sitting in 10th place in the points standing. Does Kevin Windham have a bit of a lisp? Dingo don’t know, referee bitPimps docked him 1 point for not knowing. James Stewart came-from-behind to for the win and the butt sex. Justin Barcia ended up finishing second, just in front of Ryan Dungey. Villopoto is still in the points lead, but didn’t do so well, saying he was sick and didn’t know the track. Dingo didn’t know if Villopoto was suffering from food poisoning or what, for which referee bitPimps docked him another point. Some dude put up a picture of his 3-ballin’ sack (listen to Three Ballin’) and since Katie is there and likes big loads, naturally the question is does a third ball make you shoot bigger loads? Dingo doesn’t know, and again, referee bitPimps docked him another point. Lattes have arrived which means it’s time Will to shed some blood & cum tears and then time for a break. Dave has managed to squeeze in about 5 more words, bringing his count to 15.
Cumtard came in sick?
The first ever TJES Listener Talent Show Skype Thing will be this Friday at 2PM Pacific, if you’re not available on Friday at that time, you can send them a Skype video message, allegedly. It’s time for a spelling game between Ellis and Dingo, both of whom are legendary in the spelling bee game. Only they’re not spelling, they’re being given words and have to use them correctly in a sentence, which is still a game because both of them are well known for understanding and using words in a sentence correctly. I guess you could say they superfluous the game? We learned Cumtard has been taking Rogaine and squirting anti-biotics in his eye – while driving his hypotenuse. There was something about an old lady and a car wreck, but nobody could get past what he just brought into the room. He’s got strep throat but doesn’t think he’s contagious because his head and ball cysts nullify the strep. Nobody believes him, 4 potato deduction by referee bitPimps. As soon as throat AIDs boy was escorted from the studio, the game resumed as everyone tried to forget about the sickness floating around the room. Before the break, Dave managed to sneak in 2 more words during the game, which also put him in the lead of the game – but more importantly, it brought his word count up to 17.
Back from break and there’s more homeless people in New York than ever in the history of ever in New or Old York. So German customs officials intercepted a shitment of cocaine destined for the Vatican. Dingo explains how this shit is going down and telling us what is true or not. Nobody believes him. Referee bitPimps gives him a warning this time instead of automatically deducting a point. There’s a serial pee’er out there too, he’s been going around pissing on women, just so ya know. Clark Duke came on the show today, no relation to Frank Dux – duh, they don’t even have the same last name, man. What were you thinking? Oh, sure, blame the writer. It took him a few minutes to get the show, but once he did he played along pretty well. In short, he doesn’t have any type of social media profiles, he’s got a reoccurring character roll on Two and Half Men, and he was very timid when asked if he wanted to record his score on the punch pad. While I’m sure the show is not really his style, he did a good job and was an entertaining guest – according to the judges score card. He stuck around for the remainder of the show and took some calls from listeners, even the ones about loads and wads. Clark hit the punch pad and it’s commonly believed he got a 48. In other numbers news, Dave could not squeeze in anymore words, so he finished with a solid 17, however after the show, he hit the punch pad and registered a 74. ‘Atta boy Dave. And there you have it. That was today’s show, it was good. Jesus died for it, so it only makes sense to make it good, right? Jesus did not die for this recap, so I’m pretty much in the clear on that.
