So its Who Gives A Fuck Wednesday, since this is the last show of the week, so that we Americans may celebrate the slaughtering of Native Americans, by killing turkeys and watching some football, Truck Yeah! I mean, it was the man who killed the Indians, right? Ellis says “Fuck the man” and that’s the truth. After all, it was the man who set Rawdog up at Coachella. You gotta stay on your toes peoples – if you fall back on your heels, that’s when you get caught. Basically, you can’t just say yes to everything the man asks you to do. Breaking News, the Wing Home Gym is officially in operation, and just in time for Ellis to buff up and beat the living shit out of some 5 year old kid who flashed Snookie. That reminded Rawdog of a time when he was conned into letting some kid wrap an extension cord around his neck, but thankfully his mom caught them in the act before it could go too far. Speaking of moms, no not your mom for once, Ellis’ mom has been talking to Snookie, which Ellis didn’t know and may explain why Snookie wants to go back to Australia for vacation. Also his step-mom has been dying for a year to be able to tell Jason all this other shit she knows. Tully’s advice to Ellismate, try the talks with them sober first, and if that don’t work try it with volume. Finally, if none of those work, pop a few ecstasy and get on with it. That last one could work for Rawdog with that hot chic he’s been trying to bang, but she ain’t texted back yet. Tully’s advice to Doc Banger, just wait – it looks cool. He’s right, and Bubba The Love Sponge was wrong back when he said Ellismate’s ‘Most phone calls in an hour’ award was total bullshit. But in came JizzCult to save the day, showing a paperwork that said: March 23, 2011 in the 13:00 hour – 74,316 calls – RED DRAGONS! Tony Hawk’s Stand Up For Skateparks foundation sent Ellismate a Nixon watch, Steve-O has stolen the reptile biting karaoke bit from Ellismate for his new show but its cool, and Tully saw Ron Livingston grocery shopping, no shit!
In Hollywood News, Kim Kardashian has a really fat ass. Kesha has a new bra made from her fans teeth, which reminds me, if you have any shark teeth send ’em in to Ellismate for his new sick chain he ain’t going to make. Jesse James has found love with Paul Mitchell’s daughter. Birdman of Cash Money handed out some turkeys, but Lil Wayne couldn’t attend due to his seizures. Hector Macho Camacho was shot in Puerto Rico, and sadly it ain’t looking to good for his chances of making it. Justin Bieber isn’t being charged for not beating the shit out of the paparazzi. Finally, and most important of all,
Rihanna is to no longer be mentioned ever again, never mind. Some dude scored 138 points in a college basketball game. Meanwhile, at the burn out track, we had some issues with NuckinFuts. Seems that crazy fucker didn’t want to listen to the man……’Fuck the man’. Finally, in Shark News, some dude speared a 9 foot shark just off the shores of Carlsbad, and ate that shit yo!
Woman, Am I Right? Some lady in Florida was doing 100mph in a 30mph zone while honking her horn, cause God said so. A different Florida based chic crashed her Thunderbird while shaving her Thundercunt. Some lady in Sweden is being charged for having sex with skeletons. Apparently she also sells them on e-bay, and just in time for the holidays. Remember that bitch that looks just like a Barbie doll, well she’s pissed at comments from her recent photo shoot. That’s about it for Women, Am I Right? and just in time for one of today’s guests, BBW porn star Kelly Shibari. She got here a little early for today’s game (you’ll see), and she loves playing with balls and teaching Tully all about boobies. She also broke the news to Ellis that woman have an extra rib, which is why they can’t drive. Kelly also has a new porn out titled Overloaded, check it out!
Malice made it to the show, to join Katie and Kelly Shibari for today’s game “Kiss Ass”. Three teams of two were formed, Ellis and Malice, Cumtard and Kelly, Rawdog and Katie, and the idea is for the female teammate to get lipstick on her male teammate’s lips as best she can. Of course she has to use her ass, and he is blindfolded, all this in only 30 seconds. Just before we got going, Malice dropped the bomb she had this burrito still floating inside her from last night, ready to expload at anytime. First team up was Cumtard and Kelly, and just like that Kelly was naked, Cumtard was puckered up like Mic Jagger, and we got action. 20 seconds in and the lipstick broke, but Kelly got it back in her ass and overall they did a pretty good job. Next up was Rawdog and Katie, and they dove right into it. From Ellis angle, it looked like Rawdog was eating her ass out, and from JizzCult’s angle, he saw Rawdog touch her vagina! Sounds like they did a good job too, but now lets get to our 3rd contestants….only their not ready yet, cause Malice is in the bathroom, oh shit! Turns out she was changing into better underwear for this game, and her and Ellis were ready to go. It took them quite a while to get started, but well worth the wait as they turned out to be the winners, helluva job Ellismate n Malice! Did you know Malice performs at Cheetahs, and will be there for ‘The Reckoning‘, so I ask, will you? I also ask you what is the World’s Greatest porn name for a Native American? Some of the losers in this were ‘Hung Like a Horse’, ‘GeroniBone’, “NavaHo’, ‘Fucks With Fists’ and ‘Scrotem Pole’. The top 5:
- Chief Penis
- Runs With Sexual Intercourse
- Spread Eagle
- Crazy Whore
Straight into Final Calls, and we heard from Zenu, not to be confused with Enu, whoever the fuck that is. We also got a late entry for WGW, ‘Dick Hitler’, but thankfully we can save that for if Ellis wants to start his career as an insult comic. Also, if Canada can get any Death! Death! Die! album to have the numbers 1-5 tracks on itunes, Ellismate and the band will head up to Vancouver for a show. Its up to you Canada! Ellismate copped a nice feel on Kelly Shibari and also joined Katie in offering Rawdog some good advice for getting laid, lower your standards. My advice for Rawdog is better than that. I’d just tell him to call your mom and she’d gobble gobble gobble his dick up within minutes, OH!