Why the fuck are Bics so expensive? What the fuck is up with that? Ghey. Anyway, it’s Wednesday, whatchya gonna do bout that? Loitering, what is it exactly? Can you get arrested for it? Got Google? Are you lazy? Suffering from irritable bowel syndrome? Ellis is on some prescription drug that is used as part of a treatment plan for problem drinking. Basically, he’s gonna get violently ill if he drinks while on this medication. Sounds fun, right? Tully wasn’t sure exactly what loitering was, now he’s not sure the difference between gas and oil. Ellis learned the connection between crude oil and “fossil fuels”, and he didn’t think he was going to learn anything today. Pfffsssshhhyeah, right. Whoever found oil and figured out you could burn that shit and run stuff on it, was a smart mother fucker. The Ellis kids got vibed at the park for driving those battery powered toy cars, his r/c car got the boot too. Ronda Rousey. Book. Reading. Rousey. Book. Ronda. Book. Hero. Book. Ronda. Emotional. Book. Rousey. Fucking hell. Now you know what it feels like to be brow beaten by a god damn book. Now it’s evolved into Rousey / Pacquiao / Mayweather, the trifecta of I could not give any less of a shit. But, I guess other’s are probably interested in it, so whatever – fuck me, am I right?
NHL News time. I’m falling in love with this segment, I love hearing Ellis trying to pronounce the names and shit, it’s hilarious. “Backstorm” and “Henick Luuuu…Fuck It” are just a few of my favorite NHL players. I swear I think more people would watch hockey if he were one of the announcers, think of how great that’d be. THINK ABOUT IT! Now it’s time to continue the discussion that was started late last week about sports fights. They’ve collected some videos of notable fights in different sports. The first one was soccer, with Deigo Maradona and his flying knee. Next up was hockey, with a brawl between the Flyers and Penguins (I think?) I’m not sure, so no link to video on that one, but you can find them all on YouTube. Ellis thinks fighting with your helmet and face shield on is bullshit. Still in hockey, the next one was from 1979 between the Islanders and Bruins. Ellis is getting really excited seeing how hardcore hockey fights can get. Next up was the NFL, a fight between Terrell Owens and the Dallas Cowboys. Next was collegiate football, between Ohio State and Michigan. Next was the NBA with a pussy fight between Larry Johnson and Alonzo Mourning. Another NBA fight with Kareem and Bird. Another NBA fight between the Knicks and Nuggets. Yet another NBA fight, this one featuring Scottie Pippen vs John Starks. And finally, another NBA fight, this one between Ron Artest and Ben Wallace and eventually the crowd. Next, they went to MLB for fights and of course the player cut out so I don’t know which fight they were talking about. Next was from 1988 between the Cardinals and the Giants. And that puts this segment to bed.
And we’re back from intermission, everyone back to their seats? Got your nachos & alcohol? Good. Let’s watch this crazy bitch talk about her god damned hands, she’s a raving fucking lunatic! Next up was Droopy News! We heard about the guy who accidentally got pressure cooked with tuna. Then another news item I missed. Followed by an Indiana man who killed his girlfriend and he ate her innards or some shit, sounds like he might have raped one of her organs. Then another news story or two I missed as the player cut out again. Archaeologists in Denmark have found a 1000 year old Viking fortress in Copehagen, Andrew doesn’t believe it though. Talk moved on to aliens vs humans vs North Korea vs Kim Jong vs General Zod. I missed pretty much all of this between the player cutting out and work. One thing I did catch and totally agree with is that we probably won’t be wearing any shiny shit in the future. Unless of course you work in a construction zone or are in a Devo cover band or something. Okay, so there may be a few exceptions to the rule, but overall, it’s not gonna be like how people of the future were portrayed in say, the 1970’s. I ain’t scurred though. Will is a generally in a positive mood and the puts Andrew off, he hates when Will is in a generally positive mood. Ellis is talking about daubing Andrew in, or out, whatever – all Cumtard can think of is dabs.
Will came in with some World News, I was driving in construction traffic so I didn’t take notes or any shit like that. I can tell you this though, Will partied with Tommy Lee and says he was super nice. Tommy Lee was probably trying to butter Will up so he’d spill the proverbial beans on how he gets away with all that murder fucking. Will thinks the show should do a World’s Greatest Wednesday, what’s the best thing you’ve ever bled on. Ellis bled on a vagina, blood was squirting out of his penis. Will says he’s never spanked his kids, he thinks there’s a better way to get your point across. But hey, fucking your mental pain and anguish away is totally acceptable and even hot. See? There’s all kinds of trade offs in life! Insert joke about spanking your mother here _____. OH!