Ellis supports prostitute entrepreneurship and so should you. No-strings-attached sex  is awesome. It’s freedom. It’s America, goddammit. You know what else is America? Punching people in the face. Ellis has gotten the itch to get back in the ring again and wants to fight in 2 years. Tully suggested he fights a UFC fighter who’s at the end of their career. A bunch of names got thrown out, but Ellis soon realized that was a bad idea and would most likely end up with his head separated from his body.

After Aubrey Marcus’ visit to the show yesterday, Ellis had a bit of an epiphany about the cause of all of the stress in his life. He didn’t say what it was exactly, but my money is on Ellis desperately wanting to be a woman all of his life. Think about it: he loves to wear wigs, puts cocoa butter all over his body on a daily basis, and has a penchant for little dogs. He’s essentially a tattoo covered, bearded Paris Hilton. Speaking of women, Katie joined the show today to sit-in for Ellis’ interview with the one, the only, master of darkness and doom, Glenn motherfucking Danzig.

But before we get to that, a bit of Aussie News/Massive Cocksucker News: Johnny Depp has been told that he must get his dogs out of Australia and back to the US or they will be killed. Seems harsh, but it turns out that Australia is rabie-free unlike the US and wants to keep it that way. America: home to burgers, football, and rabid dogs foaming at the mouth. Your loss Australia, rabid dogs are metal. Glenn Danzig is also metal and swooped down into the studio, spreading pesticide onto those unfortunate enough to be in his wake graced the studio with his holy presence. Danzig loves Japan, he has dabbled in the art of bondage, and he likes to speak away from the mic during interviews. You’d think he would know to speak close into the mic, but he’s Danzig so fuck you he’ll do what he wants. Low audio levels aside, it was a pretty sweet interview all around.

Andrew and Kevin came in to play a game where everyone had to guess how much celebrities have paid for outlandishly stupid shit.  I’m not gonna list all of them, but I felt you all should know that Bono once paid $1700 for a 1st Class plane ticket for a hat he accidentally left in Italy. A fucking hat. Fuck you, Bono. Fuck you. At some point during the game, the conversation turned to fucking chicks who are way younger/way older because why the hell not. Things then evolved into a conversation about celebrities as role models for kids somehow, thus bringing the game to a screeching halt. The final hour consisted of the usual News with Will and aimless banter followed by the giant turd that is final calls. Alright, that does it for today. You don’t have to go home, but you sure as fuck can’t stay here.