If you’re happy and you love Monday’s, helicopter your dong. I can’t sing, sorry. That was terrible and I should feel bad for that. Let’s just get right into the show and skip all the pleasantries, shall we? So what’s the first thing you noticed about today’s show? That’s a rhetorical question, so I’ll just go ahead and tell you – Dingo isn’t there. We live in The Matrix man. We live in The Matrix man. Whoa, déjà vu! Which is actually just a glitch in the Matrix. See? Proof! Tully can’t remember what he did on Saturday, which means it must’ve been a good, hard drinking, pill popping time! EBM, EDM, PB&J, it’s all synthesizer shit and people are just fucking around until they accidentally make a neat little note and that’s how humans started having gay sex. Just go with it man. Katie’s best friend is in a EBM band (Youth Code) and she took her laptop to get repaired or something and one of the gay pr0n’s she was watching started playing – a dude getting punched in the face while blowing another dude. Huge muscly gay dudes are apparently what your typical EBM fan is into? Then we learned about Tom of Finland, who it seems is big into drawing homoerotic fetish art. Think like Blue Oyster Bar type shit, and then go way over the top with that and you’ll pretty much have an idea of the art. How that ties into punk, I’m not sure, but is some weird 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon sort of way, I guess you could make the connection? Something was mentioned about bears eating people, but I don’t know what that was about – work’s all up in my shit, yo. The 3D thing isn’t going over as huge as people thought. Mad Max, he’s mad and his name is Max. The UFC fights were on early in the morning Saturday and they weren’t super duper entertaining. I noticed in the first 3 prelim fights, someone got kicked in the nuts in each of those fights. Beginning of the outdoor moto season started this weekend. The guys started making new drops for the show, Tully being the Flava Flav to Ellis’ Chuck D. Will doesn’t like the claim in one of the drops about having less AIDs than other shows on Sirius.
Droopy News was after the break. He’s still miserable. Some lady went to the DMV to be marked as an organ donor. Instead, they marked her as a sex offender. Some 13-year-old singer girl was to be reunited with her long lost mother on TV, turns out it was just a male comedian and the little girl cried. A man in Oklahoma is going to pound me in the ass prison for killing his stepdad via an atomic wedgie. A man with HIV plead not guilty after allegedly posing as cop and sexually assaulting a girl. A Florida family befriended a family of ducks that flew into their home, but then a disgruntled landscaper mowed all of them down right in front of their god damn eyes as well as the kids’ god damn eyes. More promo audio for the show, everyone is to do a rejoin in their best Australian accent like it was an Outback Steakhouse commercial – but for Faction with Jason Ellis. As you might expect, Andrew can mimic an Australian accent flawlessly. Will declined to do an Aussie impression, which of course means he now has to come in and do one. He climaxed for a few minutes and then went British and then Pirate. A solid performance in my book. “It’s like taking a walk about on a piece of shit”, was probably the most moving things I’ve heard this century. Who has more AIDs, McDonalds or In and Out? McDonalds. How about between Ford and Tesla? Easy, Ford. Think you got what it takes to be Miss Wolfknives 2015? You probably don’t, but you are welcome to try. James Hetfield & his daughter performed an Adele cover of “Crazy for You”.
You still putting on music before you start fucking? You know, to set the mood? That’s weird to me, but I’m good with the TV being on for some background noise – is that weird? It’s pretty awesome, that’s how I got a blow job while watching Smokey and The Bandit, that was a special moment. Anyway, Alan Thicke’s wife said Alan’s son’s (Robin) song really gets them into the boning mood, but now they’re saying it was a “joke,” yeah, right. Remember that chick who came in Friday that holds masturbation 101 classes? Ellis went to her class and he got some ball creme out of the deal, which also works for sweaty hands too. There was a lot of married couples there and some lady announced that she’s okay with her husband fucking a Fleshlight, to everyone there, including her husband. Ellis found that offensive and promptly left. Anybody dumb enough to try her “professional” advice and tug on your balls while jerking off? Now it’s time to listen to some unsigned bands, be afraid, be very afraid. Hey, Katie farted and Ellis heard it. Hey, did you know these butterflies that eat cocaine are going to be high as fuck in Columbia? They finished listening to unsigned bands, Jayme Foxx came in the studio for a few minutes, and then it was final calls time.