Show Recap for Friday 3/20/2015

Jason Ellis is looking forward to “having a monster in his pants” for the weekend and wonders if Eminem really is gay.  Fuck if I know or even care, but now that fucking song is stuck in my head.  Along with images of Young Wing and Slim Shady aggressively  pounding it out prison-style like sweaty Neo-Nazis as Rihanna is strapped onto a Hitachi and screaming in high-pitched delight while squirting ladyjizz across the room and onto their glistening tatted bodies.  Tully estimates that Eminem is 30% gay.  NYA is happy to provide the other 70.  Welcome to the Friday recap, you’re stuck with me again.  Prepare your sphincters for some bullet points.  

  • Tully beat his bullshit traffic ticket with a pleasantly simply phone call…and gooey loads of charm.
  • Thomas Haden Church has proved once again how fucking awesome he is by hooking Ellis up with a sponsor for his race team.  A real sponsor.  One that can afford track rental fees so he and his teammates can practice.  And more importantly, a pit area at the races with an RV full of hot chicks sexily giving out icy poles by day and exotic narcotics at night, a pool with a slide, log rolling fights and other physicality with Andrew’s ‘workout buddy’ Nitro from American Gladiators, Will in a dunk tank (of beans?), free tacos and a kickass band!  And it’s all gonna be way better than what Carey Hart did!
  • Andrew is dragging his feet getting Ellis set up to do horse wheelies…but he did shave his giant face, and with assistance from Tully, beat down a statutory rape allegation from Cumtard.  Umm, what?  Nevermind…had to be there.  Apparently he has managed to hide his March Madness boner thus far.
  • The SiriusXM app is fucked up because of a new update and Tully wants you all to know he is feverishly working day and night and will not sleep until he resolves the coding issue and restores order, and if you continue to experience technical difficulties you should contact him immediately via social media.
  •  Speaking of March Madness, Ellis went 11-5 in his picks from Thursday.  That’s better than many of the highly paid ‘experts’ so fuck you ESPN.  Go Rams Tarheels!
  • Tully is weird about flags because he once jammed a flagpole in his mouth while wearing a kilt.  This story is much more appealing without context, so…you’re welcome.
  • Ellis would love it if Katie would create a home business, but he ain’t gonna work on it with her.  She needs her own thing.  Tully and his old lady won’t be collaborating in the professional world either.  Good call guys.
  • The first hour ended with a call about the guys’ movie review of ‘Face-Off’.  Tully reminds everyone that at one point, Travolta was doing Christian Slater, who of course was doing Jack Nicholson.  I’m sure Mr. Saturday Night Fever would enjoy being the bridge in that Celebrity Eiffel Tower.


  • MMA News kicked off the second hour but I kept listening anyway.
  • Will did some news stories, which I’m sure were just Tully’s leftovers from bitPimps’ daily submissions.
  • It’s also time to name some new Wolfknives!  The guys are applying the same naming formula as last time.  Tully says an adjective and then Ellis says whatever the fuck he wants and it all works out anyway.  Clear?  Here we go.


  1. Big Slam
  2. Satanic Onions
  3. The Raging Razorblade
  4. Courageous Hand Grenade
  5. The Spoiled Pirate
  6. Hitler-Flavored Rabbit
  7. Asshole Shadow
  8. Miss Daddy
  9. Bloody Waters
  10. Shit-Faced Knife Gun
  11. Obnoxious Nazi
  12. Poo-Stained Hyena
  13. Boring Lawn Mower
  14. Neanderthal Rhubarb
  15. Shh I’m Fucking
  16. Home-Wrecking Milkshake
  17. Electric Prostitute
  18. Greasy Hammer
  19. Baby Hot Dog Bun
  20. Inferno Mellencamp
  21. The Iron Chicken Foot
  22. Castrated Splinter Stick
  23. The Lucky Dead Goose
  24. Testicular Mud Pie
  25. Emperor Shit Funnel
  26. The Circumcised Bogan

Holy fuckballs! 26 new Wolfknives members!  At $150 a pop, the Wolfknives memberships are still a steady revenue stream three years after its launch.  Congrats and welcome to all the new Wolfknives.  Don’t forget to register your name.

  • The Carolina Butcher is a scary motherfucker to think about but I’d love to see one throw down with a Squatch.
  • The next segment begins with some ‘Women Am I Right?’ stories from Tully.  You can probably find them somewhere in bitPimps’ twitter timeline.
  • The guys caught a brief bout of March Madness from the studio TV and watched some college basketball as the Indiana Hoosiers played the Wichita State Shockers.
  •  Andrew had money on IU so of course he fucked them right to a five point loss.  Much to the delight of Ellis, who had chosen the strawheads.
  • As fans of the Mad Scientist Party Hour podcast can confirm, Kevin Kraft knows dick about “sportsball” as evidenced by some of his comments here.
  • Tully blames Adam Morrison for starting that dumb ass haircut.  I concur.
  • The guys played a game inspired by Silk Road, which was basically another version of a ‘guess the price of listed items’ game for delinquents.  I’ll spare you the boring details, cuz, ya know…it’s Friday and I just don’t give a fuck!
  • Or it’s because I’ve got my eye on several of those items now.
  • Next up was a quick review of some movie trailers: Gun Men with Sean Penn, the Divergent sequel, Insurgent, and Pixels starring Adam Sandler and Kevin James.
  • The remaining 40 minutes included a few more news stories, two or three decent phone calls out of a couple dozen,and the escalation of the racist asshole recurring caller, and then the subsequent complaints about him (and Ellis using it as a reminder that those people do live among us, never forget it) and also the revelation that Tully watched a guy shamelessly rummage through trash cans in his neighborhood but take nothing.  Maybe he was looking for the last fuck I had to give.  Little did he know yer mum already found it.


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