Happy hump day all you herpe whores. Ellis is working out making himself bigger, faster, and stronger by working so hard that he’s throwing up in his own mouth. Plus throwing up is an incredible ab workout. Andrew thinks vag sex hurts chicks and that’s why they scream so much. Also he thinks that the clitoris is a mythical tale told to make guys think that women actually have orgasms.
Talking about orgasms, Ellis’s fight sounds like it’s being taken to the next level. There are no real details but Tully is just giggling like a school girl and buying stock in band aides and ice packs. Joanna sent the guys a bunch of Burning Angel videos for review, suck great titles as Wet Wifebeaters, Rock n Roll In My Butthole 3, Killer Cleavage Fom Outer Space, and everyone’s favorite Dong Of The Dead! Tully gave everyone great advice telling us that we gotta take chances, unless it’s making freaky scenes, to succeed in life like how the UFC signed CM Punk to shut up a bunch of wrestling turds and make millions of dollars in the process. Without taking chances you can never advance in life. After this life lesson they talked about Tigerbox scheduling.
Scientists now have a cure for Hep C. Pamela Anderson is super stoked. Because today is Wednesday we got to enjoy Worlds Greatest Wednesday! Today’s subject was the greatest thing about the 70’s. I wasn’t born not do I really think a whole lot of shit was all that great but after listening I guess I can agree that at least ten things were pretty cool in the 70s. Here’s the list.
10. Pink Floyd
9. The Bandit
7. The Godfather
6. Bruce Lee
5. Clint Eastwood
4. Eddie Van Halen’s Eruption
3. Cheech and Chong
2. Muscle Cars
1. Black Sabbath
A man and woman had to be rescued after falling asleep in garbage truck after getting waded at a casino and being homeless and stupid. Apparently it’s illegal to take selfies in Spain now because it ruins the ambiance and you get run over by Bulls and die because you’re stupid. What’s not stupid is on Friday night 9 to 11 the night before Ellismania they will be doing the Hall Of Fame Abductions. I don’t know if that will be before or after Tigerbox but I won’t be there yet so I don’t give a fuck. Andrew put a heart monitor on to measure how massive his pussy is and at rest his pussy is at 65bpm but after taking about poop and a quick visit from tape fave his pussy monitor spiked to massive gaping vag!
In Wills News Obama says ISIS will lose, Power Ball is up to a record 500 million, Little League stripped a team of their title because of some stupid shit that nobody cares about, Suge Knight says he has a video of the incident proving something, again, who cares. John Steward is retiring from The Daily Show. A Bejing man sold his shoes to buy some property. TMZ has a video of Malcom X’s daughter not being naked. Montana lawmaker wants to outlaw yoga pants. Texas has a shit ton of bats, Mexican bats, illegal Mexican bats, legal American bats are pissed and are calling for action. But most importantly there is Breaking News reports of Whalburg and other producers for HBO making a special comedy with our very own Jude Anthony Angelini called Hyena. Good luck to him and I can’t wait to see it! And with every high there are equal lows, Final Calls. In today’s final calls we learned that Camomile tea cures diabetes, don’t let your kid punch you in de face, don’t let your wife be a bitch, if you don’t want bitch tits buy a kettle bell and eat healthy, if you want bitch tits then just ask yer mum, OH!