“Welcome, maybe?”
I started my previous recap by stating that Ellis was back. The above statement was how he started the show today. I think we lost him again somewhere between last Wednesday and Las Vegas. Apparently he’s been stricken with panic attacks every day since then, and of course he always worries those will lead to AFib. Add to that the social anxiety of a weekend on display at the AVN Awards and it’s no surprise he needed a day off on Monday. It seems the recent Australia trip was a bigger blow to the psyche than he initially realized and he still hadn’t taken proper time to process that shit which can only compound his PTSD. The man has issues.
The man also has a hell of a lot of good people who really do care about him. More than he will ever allow himself to believe. We get it, mate. Many among us walk similar obstructed paths in life and fall victim to the black hole of negativity because of it. I don’t need to preach about the benefits of seeking comfort in the positive aspects of one’s life, or inspire with meaningful words, or motivate anyone to do better for themselves by facing a challenge head-on. That’s your thing. Besides, how do you tell a champion that he should stop fighting a battle and learn how to live with the loss? And then convince him that is how he will ultimately win the biggest prize? A fucking lame boxing metaphor is all I got. Take your medicine Jason Ellis.
Rude Jude and Dingo are on today and you can feel the thick air in the studio slowly start to dissipate as they discuss living each other’s lives, Jude’s travels promoting his book, and somehow even get a couple laughs about weather. Talk turns to titties and porn sites, which of course takes us right the fuck back to the AVN Awards. Ellis outlines several awkward moments including walking a ridiculously long red carpet, photos, interviews, and hanging with Joanna and the crew from Burning Angel. He admits to buying several of the vibrating Teddy Bears from Friday’s show, and offers to give one to a twitter follower. This is later paid off as some horny chick named Jennifer Marie wins the thing. The show received a package from Rhino Rush, and you know Jude likes free shit, so he downs some of the Ephedra Powered Energy Drink and proceeds to geek out and crack me the fuck up as the group discusses secretly following trannys on social media. And by the way, Ellis is on Xanax now, but no worries…it’s time release.
The second hour is mostly MMA News and Moto News. And that’s about all I got to say about that. What did get me excited was the revelation right before the break. Cumtard was about to take another one for the team. What a stud…honestly. Surely I would’ve pussied out at some of the shit he has done for the show. And so would most of you. Ellisfam loves his dedication. Keep that in mind if you ever feel the need to belittle him on social media. So what crazy or gross stunt is he going to pull today? (check back tomorrow for a much funnier answer to that same question) Yeah, umm…he’s gonna hang out and smoke some weed today. Apparently Kevin Kraft is no stranger to panic attacks himself…especially when under the influence of dabs. So dabs it is. For the entire next segment which is an interview with a man that needs no introduction (if you don’t know him we are likely not friends).
That’s right, Tommy Chong is in studio and that’s like, really groovy man. Tommy lives in Colorado now and takes full advantage of the legalization of cannabis in that state. He has a strain of cannabis named after him, he has all sorts of paraphernalia adorned with his name, he even has something called Chong Wipes…a mouth wipe that removes that sweet Mary Jane odor from your grill. Tommy gives a brief rundown of the Chong family tree, the different areas of Canada, his love for working out, and the fact that he doesn’t drink alcohol or eat meat. A conversation about cocks and their demise with age causes an audible shiver from Ellis. I’m sure decades of smoking weed and whatever else was around had nothing at all to do with Chong’s chilled-out chub. It seems as if the interview was just hitting its stride when Tommy had to leave way too soon. Did I mention that Cumtard was rippin on the dab rig that whole time? Yeah, he’s baked. And starting to get a bit panic attacky. Which somehow leads to the Ellis story about the time he got his ass kicked by his first wife for being high. But you know that one, since you all read the book, right?
The final hour featured some Tigerbox submissions from Ellisfam, and a whole lot of fucking with Cumtard. The guys in the green room are terrible at it. Jason is great at it but is feeling somewhat sympathetic, and Tully of course, is the motherfucking mindfuck master. There was brief talk of the Tigerbox band, and assurance it will be filmed just like the fights, the Will and Kevin fight at Ellismania 10, Tully does Pilates, and the underwear company ‘My Package’ wants to sponsor Ellismania and maybe make some Wolfknives undies. And speaking of fucking with Cumtard…nah, I’ll let the Wednesday recapper tell ya all about that one. Butt, I foresee everyone pulling together to overcome some heavy obstacles and put on a really good show. Because that’s what the show does. And that’s what we do.