Monday. We all dread them, but there are things to look forward to – like this lovely, entertaining, insightful, downright awesome recap. The 80’s could last for centuries and you can see the 80’s trends coming back, especially with Taylor Swift’s new album. Dingo was in a bed with Taylor Swift and nearly burned down Kelly Osbourne’s house this past weekend. At 28-years-young, Dingo did some serious drinking, he was trashed by 8 o’clock. After getting back from partying later that night, Dingo found a BBQ chicken pizza and decided to cook that shit. Then he found some ice cream and decided to eat that shit too. But he was still hungry so he grabbed a mini pizza and put that shit in the oven and then promptly fell asleep. He woke up with Kelly wearing oven mitts, holding this smoked out pizza clit in from of his face. Whoops. Dingo is co-signing for Taylor Swift, both on and off-air he has nothing but nice things to say about her. Tully has a crush on her. Manny Pacquiao fight was this weekend, nobody saw that shit, but spoiler alert: He won. While in Austin & hanging with Aubrey, Ellis went to the UFC. Dana was supposed to have tickets waiting for him, but when he got there, no tickets. That got quickly resolved and BOOM! Ellis and Katie were sitting front row. It was loud and everybody yells shit the entire time. Spoler alert: I only watched the prelims and I don’t feel like giving a play-by-play for all of the fights, so go Google that shit yourself. Thanks to the fans and everyone else, Ellis got shit-hammered drunk Friday night, Tully was hanging out at a restaurant with fans while Ellis went to do the Onnit podcast for awhile. Ellis invented a new sport this weekend, it involves pretty much every type of major sport ball possible, and you’ll want to play it on sand and then you get a lacrosse stick and try to catch all the balls that are getting hurled at you. It’s kinda like BASEketball. Everyone’s talking about Odell Beckham Jr’s amazing NFL catch yesterday, which basically erased Edwin Baptiste’s amazing catch that was hailed as the best ever. Ellis did DMT this weekend as well, all therapeutic style and shit. He tooks some huffs and started hallucinating, worked through some weird, scary, cartooning imagery and 30 minutes later, it was time for round 2 so he could go deeper and really get closer to the roots. He ended up remember one of the times he got knocked out super hard while in Australia, some dollar signs, white rooms, hugging grass, etc. For some reason, the money thing really seemed important to him, like he shouldn’t stress so much about how much money he has or doesn’t have. He doesn’t want to obsess or stress about it anymore.
Back from break and the guys are watching some kind of car chase or something that Will picked up on his various police scanners and the TV. I don’t know, I missed it while playing adult at work games. Some guy who promoted a “Pray Away The Gay” technique to ride homosexuals of the queeries has just swallowed
a load of semen his gay pride and has gotten married to another man. Hail Satan! You go, girl! And with that, it’s time to learn some history from the two history buffs on the show, Ellis and Dingo. Darwin wrote a book and JFK was killed by deep throat. Nerds are cool and they’re getting cooler while women are growing hair back on their cookies and it’s bumming everyone out. Four score and seven years ago, Lincoln kicked some asses and made people not be racists anymore. Moby, the musician? His real name is Richard Melville or some shit, his parents called him Moby and he’s somehow related to Herman Melville. Ellis Island closed and that’s where the Irish lived. That’s where Irish immigrants came into America. Houdini got punched in the stomach and died and Dingo has been to his mansion, so has Ellis, so has Ellis, so has Ellis, so has Ellis. Did he make elephants disappear? It’s debatable. War Worlds means Tom Cruise and mass hysteria over aliens. Picasso, he was a painter, he cut his ear and nose off, murdered his mother, and that’s about it – so fuck him. Kamikaze pilots were doing it before it was cool. Thomas Headison invented the light bulb and got into a big-ass gang knife fight with Tesla, the band. Goats sound like women when you rape kill them. The goat, kill the goat, not the woman. Please be careful to not confuse that part.
Dudes are no longer metrosexual, the new steeze (so-to-speak) is lumbersexual – bearded up hipsters wearing flannel. The guys played video of Hotdog making his call to gay phone sex hotline, it was funny as the first time we heard it. You should definitely listen to it. Hotdog got to do a game segment today, where he learns the old crusty guys the new slang on them skreets. Most of his slang words were from the 90’s & 2000’s, the newest ones were super lame because lets face it, kids these days are totally fucktarded. Steezy is style, and that’s old. Napes is no, that’s new and stupid so you won’t be hearing it because it’s not going to catch on. Bae is fucking horrid, relatively new, and is already dead as even the young crowd has been making fun of it. Throwing shade isn’t that new, but whatever. Chronald Reagan is new to me, also completely stupid and won’t catch on. Basically, just listen to Covino & Rich and you’ll hear all these douchetastic words. The guys talked to Nick, a guy wanting to be in the Biggest Loser fight at EllisMania 10. People really want to see a Tully vs Mark McGrath fight at EMX – but you know Mark is gonna stay duckin’. Steve-O was mentioned, along with a few others, all of which are obviously unconfirmed and just possible ideas. There’s going to be a bus soon powered by human shit, which I hope is called the Turd Wagon or a wonderful opportunity will be missed. And that pretty much seals the deal, like semen seals your moms lips when people jerk off on her face after she passes out. OH!