Welcome to the Thursday recap of The Jason Ellis Show hosted by your favorite sexual degenerate- Jason Ellis. But, wait, is Ellis really a sexual degenerate? He’s starting to not like the whole degenerate part of the sexual degenerate thing because it would be cooler if he were called an irresponsible sex machine. But, no, he’s very responsible with his penis. Tully then points out that Ellis has a buncha new cuts on his arm for a sexual non-degenerate and he things Brian Callen from The Fighter and The Kid would take a blood load in the mouth from Ellis because that guy is seriously into Ellis’ sex life. Like, really really into it. And if he really is feeling frisky and wants to catch a blood load in the mouth from Big Daddy J then he should head to Palm Springs this weekend with Ellis and Katie cause they don’t have the kids and planned a nice weekend in Palm Springs with various sexcapades that would probably explode Brian Callen’s mind. Ellis mentions that there was a shit ton of traffic in LA this morning which everyone was blaming on the President, and Tully was only aware that there was traffic around LA because of all the people around him complaining about it while he was magically missing all of it because he is Tully and he knows al of the right turns to make. What he didn’t miss this morning was the jackass who rolled through a stop sign while he was texting on his phone and almost hit His car which held both him and his Little Dude as well as a roaming homeless man and his shopping cart with various hanging bags. And that would have sucked. Out of the three it would have sucked the most for the Little Dude, with Tully coming up second, and the homeless guy bringing it up in last place because, let’s face it- he’s homeless and babies and radio co-hosts rate way higher than homeless people. It’s funny cause when Tully and Ellis we’re talking about it it didn’t seem so bad, but typing out that sentence just made me feel like a terrible human being. Tully then asks Ellis if he didn’t have the radio show and the kids if he would move out of LA to a place like Temeculah and Ellis is super pumped on that idea. He would love to live somewhere a little more out of the wa where he could have a Moto track in his backyard and a really cool pool with a waterfall, but Tully would rather stay in LA because he likes living in a big city where 50% of the water gets brought in from other cities and states for the purpose of watering the grass that would never otherwise grow there.
Ellis then brings up that people on Instagram are getting down on him for talking about his new straight razor and are trying to say that he is only talking about it and pumped on it because he got it for free and he’s a sell out. Well, guess what, you’re wrong you hating motherfuckers because Ellis is only ever going to talk about the shit that he’s into regardless if wether or not it gets sent to him or he buys it so you can all go right ahead and shut the fuck up and choke on your own dicks, you wankers. All the real fans of the show know that the only time Ellis will really sell out is if it’s for an Energy Drink sponsor. Hahahaha. At this point Jetta comes into the studio and Ellis asks him what’s wrong to which Jetta replies, “nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.” Which we all know to be the evil female answer equivalent of ‘I am so not fine and everything is wrong, but if you don’t really know why I’m not fine then I hate you and I’m certainly not telling you’ so Ellis and Tully grill him for a bit and it turns out than other than being a little tired and possibly kind of high he really is just ‘doing fine’. He also really loves his pet mouse who he gives kisses to, he can’t cook, doesn’t have any live plants and thinks camping is awesome. Jetta gets jettisoned back to the green room after being told that he should try snorting meth and Tully comes out with a story about how when he was just a young thing hanging out with The Backbone he accidentally snorted meth because he and his friends were trying to buy cocaine. About a half an hour after snorting the meth is when they got suspicious since he and his buddies weren’t feeling like they wanted more coke, so instead they decided to smoke it, and Cullen wound up going to sleep behind the couch after seeing smurfs. Lesson- you will know in a jiff if meth is good for you or not.
Insane Clown Posse and Kid Rock are in the news as Kid Rock is being subpoenaed for a glass dildo he received from ICP. But the real story here is that apparently ICP is all about God lately and they are saying that they tricked all their juggalo followers because they have ALWAYS been all about God. Tully is calling bullshit on the whole thing saying that they are just trying to revamp their image after the FBI classified them as a gang hate group thing, but the ‘haha we love God’ angle makes him love them again. In other non famous people related news a drunk guy in Florida got all road rage-y and ran himself over with his own car….cause Florida is awesome. Also, around this time there was a girl caller who was a Cam Girl named Eva_BlissXxX who liked putting hot sauce in her asshole and Ellis got all excited over her and I began to roll my eyes because she sounded like a complete moron or Jillian from Family Guy and I felt bad about being a female for the first time ever in my TJES listening experience. She popped back up a couple times throughout the show and it literally made me want to turn the show off..that’s how bad this bitch got to me. Whatevs.
Back from the first break Justin the Barber is in the studio to give Hotdog the Intern a shave and a haircut cause Hotdog is going places in life and he needs to start looking up to the job. Everyone loves Hotdog, because he is the Hotdog and he is awesome and has a giant horsecock and is in to ass and shit play and he’s gonn start banging pornstars, so Ellis has decided that he needs a beard trim, a side part, and some collared shirts to help him along his way. While Hotdog is being worked on Tully shares with us some Hollywood News involving Paul Hogan (I was in love with Crocodile Dundee as a child) and how after divorcing from his wife he is going to pay her a lump sum of $5.775 million. But that’s okay because Paul Hogan is probably pretty set, and if he isn’t then he can always go back to Australia and bring back the Paul Hogan Comedy Hour because that was the funniest show ever in Australia. Robert Downey JR is the highest paid actor in Hollywood for the second year in a row even though he didn’t make a movie in the past year, with The Rock coming up second officially securing his place as a Hollywood Superstar. Bert Reynolds and Lonnie Anderson are divorced but are going back to court because Reynolds has owed Anderson $230 thousand fe the past 20 years…Red Dragons motherfucker.
Back from the break Hotdogs’s look is revealed and he looks really good, so good that he has gained Tully’s respect as a human being. The picture of the reveal is on Jetta’s Instagram @radiojetta if you wanna see for yourself the hot hunka Hotdog that Justin the Barber turned out. Next on the chopping block for a new ‘do is Wilson Pendarvis whom Ellis forbids to have another faux hawk with there then being a fight I’ve wether or not Will currently rocks a faux hawk or not. Tully chimes in on the subject and it is included that Will has a faux hawk that he is in deep denial about and he proceeds to have Justin give him another spikey faux hawk thing that Wull claims is not a faux hawk.
Time for that segment that we all know and love to hate- Unsigned Bands!!! I don’t actually hate the segment, that was just a line…but for the most part I’m never really left wondering, “why oh why has a label not jumped all over those various bands?” If you catch my drift. For this gi around Tully decided to separate and okay the bands according to genre so we were treated to various artists in the genres of Canadian HipHop Reggae, HipHop, Rock/Rap, and good old Rock and Roll. Most of the bands were atrocious, one of the HipHop songs wasn’t too bad until the guy ruined it by opening his mouth, and one of the rock bands was a straight up rip off of Slipknot and the guys were pretty sold on the fact that even Corey Taylor can’t get away with ripping off that sound these days. The winner of a week of air play on Faction during the show was a band called Rulers of the Night with a song called Skuzz and I’m pretty sure they only lyrics were ‘Fuck You’ and ‘Skuzz’ cause why the fuck not?
Tully brought up a news story about a four year old and his mom getting kicked out of a donut shop in Connecticut after the four year old asked an overweight lady if she was pregnant and the world had officially taken things way too far. I mean, seriously? Even the fat lady was alright with the kid asking her if she were pregnant!!! Ellis is right, kids call them like they see them and he saw a lady he thought was pregnant and he asked about it. He’s four. It wasn’t malicious. Get over yourself donut shop manager, you are taking it too far. Ellis talked about how he picked Tiger up from camp and the other little kids there startedtaljing to him about his tattoos and were thoroughly impressed that the big knot in the back of his head was a result of him cracking his skull. He really liked that the kids were cool with him and he was cool with the kids and if inly adults could be as open minded as kids. We were all kids once, right? Well..I don’t know if Will was ever one..he seems like the kind of person who has bee a grown up sincere popped out of his mom.
Wrapping up the show Ellis decides that Tyler Posey is no longer in the band and takes up the reigns of the keytar himself and makes some cool sounds before deciding that they would be Erin better off with a hot chick as the keytarist. There’s also a lot of talk about the new channel and the possible names for a new channel, even though a couple of minutes into it Ellis says it already has a name and no other name has come along so great that he has thought of changing it. They take calls and read tweets for show ideas and it seems like Cumtard may really get a show where he and a bunch of other gross dudes fart and shit in each other’s faces a lot and I listen to it and lose ten pounds in ten minutes from projectile vomiting. Dingo may have a den, Tully may play some sweet Hair Metal, and maybe we’ll get a Rude Awakening with Rude Jude morning show!!!!!
thats all I got folks!!! Have a great weekend!!!!